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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Quiettall Appropriate response to bombastic older brother
  • replies: 7

Hello I have a brother who is only a few years older than I. He has been on a campaign to promote his version of a particular road safety issue for over 25 years, with little success. Unfortunately he does not see this. We have not heard from him for... View more

Hello I have a brother who is only a few years older than I. He has been on a campaign to promote his version of a particular road safety issue for over 25 years, with little success. Unfortunately he does not see this. We have not heard from him for 10 years, after my other siblings got sick of him ringing up on a very regular basis, going on about his wonderful road safety campaign, and how he was going to have it nationally accredited, and all States will be forced to adopt it. His claims are somewhat exaggerated (for example, he alleges the State motorist association is supporting him suing the State transport department for $3m for not adopting his version), but when I or others question his judgement or statements, he gets very angry and abusive. Two days before Christmas last year (after 10 years of not hearing from him or his wife), he rings out of the blue, wanting to reconnect with family. I gave him my updated list of siblings' phone numbers, which he then proceeded to ring to "update them" on his progress. Most of them have phoned me saying nothing has changed...he is still as bombastic and misguided as ever. As each one challenges him (he is 67) that he should drop the issue and relax and enjoy retirement, he abuses them, hangs up, and then rings me, telling me how selfish and ignorant my siblings are. It turns out my wife and I are the only one he rings now...unfortunately every second day. I have tried to gently suggest to him that we want a relationship with him and his wife, but we dont want to be dominated by his campaign. He seems not to have taken the message, so we have had to check the phone when it rings, and limit answering his calls if they come in more than once a week. I am not sure what else we can do. He is pushing to come and visit our house for a meal, but I genuinely fear that the whole event will be dominated by his issue, and if we try to get him off the topic, he gets aggressive and abusive. I dont want to expose my wife, nor myself, to this behaviour in our home. So we have suggested meeting somewhere halfway for lunch, so we can limit the damage and exposure. Any thoughts or suggestions here?

May_M Mother in law drama...
  • replies: 11

Hello lovely people Firstly I’m looking forward to reading any responses; I really do want to know what people think of my situation objectively. My husband and I have been married for a year now, he is the love of my life, a beautiful soul, supporti... View more

Hello lovely people Firstly I’m looking forward to reading any responses; I really do want to know what people think of my situation objectively. My husband and I have been married for a year now, he is the love of my life, a beautiful soul, supportive, caring, handsome, kind and we love spending all our free time with one another. I am 25 and he is 29 and I am from a different ethnic background to him. We are both university educated and very rational, normal, friendly people. After our wedding I agreed on moving in with him and his mother (unemployed, 2 time divorcee, my husband her youngest son, her other kids living in other states/estranged from her) in her house. I didn’t really know a lot about her, but for all intents and purposes things seemed fine between us. Her criticism of me started from our wedding day, as we were about to enter our wedding reception she started screaming at my husband in their language because I didn’t run up to greet her. She criticised me for every little thing from then on (I’d run out of words listing them all) examples include; how I brush my hair, she didn’t think I looked sexy enough, why I used a fitted sheet and flat sheet on my bed, the way I cleaned, that I didn’t kiss her hand on special occasions, that I didn’t tell her where I was going, anything and everything. She would go through my packed zipped-up bags (for uni) and make up lies to my husband that I was scheming to run away from him. She asked for gifts back that she had given when we were engaged, or she would just go through my stuff and simply take it back. She started screaming at me and throwing a fit because I gave away some of my husbands unwanted clothes to donation. She would ignore me when I asked her questions. I would do all the housework and she would complain to my sister in law that the house is so dirty and no one ever cleans it. SOOO many more instances I can go on for ages. I felt like I was in hell. I was crying probably 5-6 times a week. I would never say anything to her just “yes Aunty” or “okay Aunty” I never confronted her or asked her why she behaved the way she did. I just wanted to move on and make peace. On top of this she would have constant arguments with my husband and tell him that I’m “controlling” him and that he is “under my thumb”.

Amiselfish_ Am I being selfish?
  • replies: 10

Am not sure how to start. But a bit of background first might help. Husband and I (2nd time around for both) have been together almost 10 years. Married almost 4 and lived together for 4 years before that. We have 4 offspring between us all of whom h... View more

Am not sure how to start. But a bit of background first might help. Husband and I (2nd time around for both) have been together almost 10 years. Married almost 4 and lived together for 4 years before that. We have 4 offspring between us all of whom have lived with us off and on during the time we have been together. A bit over a year ago when we finally got the place to ourselves we agreed that the children were not coming back again (all are well into adulthood and have moved out and come home at various stages since becoming adults). Recently the eldest requested to come back with his girlfriend for a couple of weeks until they picked up the keys to a rental property. It was short term and we said ok. At the time I stipulated that it was definitely short term and that they were not staying indefinitely. Husband confirmed and agreed with this. A few days ago husband says - the kids dont want to rent, they want to buy and I think we should let them stay whilst they find a place. I immediately said no. Whilst they have been with us for a few weeks they have not contributed financially and I was fine with that as it's short term. Husband indicated that we should allow them to stay and help them to save as much as they can whilst they try to find a place to buy. Am i being selfish? I don't want them in my house. Since being married husband and I have had one or more of the adult childten living with us more than we have had alone time. We need our time. We need our own space and whilst I agree that you help your kids out where you can they are adults now and surely it's time they stood on their own two feet. Husband told me at the time of the argument that if it came to a choice between his son and me then he would choose his son. And if I didnt like that I could leave. I've since being staying with a girlfriend and trying to work things out in my marriage. Husband has since said he regrets those words. But they were said and they hurt. A lot. I am now not sure where I stand or where my marraiage will go from here. I'm interested in the thoughts of others.

Hk1981 Sad
  • replies: 5

My bf of over a year has just told me he is staying overseas to be with his family. I always knew that this was an option but hear it being said today was devastating. I have already been diagnosed with depression and am on medication but I am not co... View more

My bf of over a year has just told me he is staying overseas to be with his family. I always knew that this was an option but hear it being said today was devastating. I have already been diagnosed with depression and am on medication but I am not coping well at all. i am just holding down my job at the moment. What else can I do?

lizzie50 Struggling getting over a narcissist relationship
  • replies: 7

How do you get over someone you thought was your soulmate? That is the question i ask myself constantly. Im 22 and this is the first serious relationship with real feelings of love i have felt before. He never wanted a serious labelled relationship y... View more

How do you get over someone you thought was your soulmate? That is the question i ask myself constantly. Im 22 and this is the first serious relationship with real feelings of love i have felt before. He never wanted a serious labelled relationship yet we acted like a couple, with his parents/grandparents/friends etc calling me his girlfriend. He always said when he is ready and mature enough he hopes we will be together properly. He always wanted to be 'friends' but always treated me more than a friend. He gave me this amazing calmness whenever i was around him, no anxiety, no stress, no overthinking (how amazing right) but as soon as we were talking over text i stressed over everything, he'd ignore me for days saying he was 'busy' 'had stuff going on' and always called me full on and too much. I stuck around cause i always remembered the good things between us. You know when you just click with someone and its like wow where have you been all my life, i let my walls down and opened up to him about my deepest thoughts and secrets and he listened and comforted me. He was well aware of my anxiety, but somehow still did things that made me feel anxious and told me i was being crazy. I never had a say in anything, i always made the effort, called first, texted first, made plans first and it was like i forced him to see me. Once i was with him tho it was amazing and i was like this is worth it. He'd let me stay at his when i was feeling down to comfort me. Things started getting serious when i dropped 'i love you' he felt confronted and scared, his mum even warned me about how scared he is of commitment and how feelings freak him out. I never thought things would go bad from there, he told me he wanted nothing to do with me, called me names 'liar' 'cheat' 'bi#ch" "crazy' 'sl*t" you name it i heard it. Mind you he slept with another girl and i caught him out on lies but somehow that didn't matter. He told me he loved me but could never be with such a crazy liar like me, you could imagine his words were harsher than that. He blocked me on all forms of contact (new and old accounts) made his friends and mother, i can't stop thinking how it went from i love you, to i don't care what happens to you i hate you. Its been a month and i can't seem to accept whats happening, why he has control. He still controls my thoughts, i cry all the time. I feel crazy and I'm scared maybe he is right about me, i still want him in my life. i can't seem to shake him.

tabab215 No ambition?!
  • replies: 2

Hi, I had a bit of an argument with my husband today and he said that it really annoys him that I have no ambition. I'm a full time, homeschooling Mum to two young children. My ambition is being the best Mum/teacher I can be. I don't see anything wro... View more

Hi, I had a bit of an argument with my husband today and he said that it really annoys him that I have no ambition. I'm a full time, homeschooling Mum to two young children. My ambition is being the best Mum/teacher I can be. I don't see anything wrong with this but he seems to think it's not enough. Opinion would be appreciated! Thanks

MissL1234 Fight with the In-Laws
  • replies: 5

Yesterday I had a massive fight with my inlaws and am feeling shattered. It was the morning after my son who's 2, it was his first sleepover I rang that morning as discussed to see where they were up to and organize to pick him up. His grandparents h... View more

Yesterday I had a massive fight with my inlaws and am feeling shattered. It was the morning after my son who's 2, it was his first sleepover I rang that morning as discussed to see where they were up to and organize to pick him up. His grandparents had wanted to take him to coffee with them that morning. I was supportive of this I had dropped off a car seat for them to use as well so this could happen and didn't ring until nearly 10am so that they would have been able to do this. If they were still out then I'd organize to get him later whatever worked for the day. I rang 8 times over the course of nearly 2 hours and couldn't reach them. My heart sank I tried not to panicky but I couldn't help but worry something had gone wrong (I've lost family members in accidents and this has made me nervous when I can't get a hold of someone) so when my MIL rang me I burst into tears she said are you upset I said yes I was just worried and she said they will bring him home. They got to my home and came in, visibly angry with me. I said why are you angry it was a mistake that you accidentally left your phone at home and I understand I was just very worried. My usually quite FIL fired at me as said we don't trust them and how dare I upset his wife and then lectured me that they have raised 3 children and know what they're doing. I tried to explain that it had nothing to do with trust or experience I had said I would call, when I did I couldn't reach anyone and over that time I started to worry. It didn't matter he got angrier and left my MIL spoke a little longer and it didn't matter what I said they strongly believe it's my fault and that I'm a terrible selfish person. I'm so hurt I cried an entire day and sleepless night. To be honest I have never felt that they were particularly rational people but after 10+ years in the family i thought that they would at least hear me out or give me the benefit of the doubt. My husband is angry and hurt but I just don't know how to move forward. This all happened in front of my son and they think it's ok I don't. I don't know what to do, any advice? I have always bitten my tongue and let snide remarks over the years go but this time was different I felt every bit of what was said and now feel as though they use emotion to control a situation.

emsbrymu Broken up because of depression
  • replies: 3

Last week my boyfriend broke up with me and I think it is because of his depression. He told me that he doesn't have any feelings for me or anyone or anything and doesnt know what to do and that I am better off without him. I wanted to tell him that ... View more

Last week my boyfriend broke up with me and I think it is because of his depression. He told me that he doesn't have any feelings for me or anyone or anything and doesnt know what to do and that I am better off without him. I wanted to tell him that i didn't believe that he no longer loved me and that I still want to help be with him and help him with his depression but i knew that he wouldn't listen. We started dating about 5 months ago and I new that he had depression because we have been good friends for a year. He tried to kill himself and ended up in hospital for a week just before we started dating. I was there for him and visited him every single day when he was in the hospital. Nobody else went to see him apart from his mother. Not his best friend, his roommate or the person he was talking to right before he tried to take his own life. I am heartbroken over this breakup and I know that he needs time to himself to sort his own life out but i feel helpless and i am so worried about him. He doesn't have a good relationship with his parents so i know that he won't talk to them about his depression, and the only person that I can think he might talk to about it is his best friend (who i've never met) and they only see each other once every week or two. I feel like I have nobody to talk to about him and i'm worried that he will try and kill himself again. We also work together on occasion and i'm not sure what's going to happen when we see each other but i feel like he will just ignore me at work. Does anyone have any advice on what i should do or what I can say to him to let him know that i'm still here? I am still in love with him and finding it hard to let go since there was nothing wrong with our relationship and I know that his depression is the reason we are no longer together.

Jellies Rebuilding relationship after anger
  • replies: 3

A while ago I moved to Canada to be with my relatively new but amazing boyfriend, we spent two months living together there, before I came back to Australia for Christmas. In Canada I was fairly depressed and lacking in purpose, which led to our prob... View more

A while ago I moved to Canada to be with my relatively new but amazing boyfriend, we spent two months living together there, before I came back to Australia for Christmas. In Canada I was fairly depressed and lacking in purpose, which led to our problems. I had a lot of particularly angry outbursts, in which I said, and did, a lot of hurtful stuff. It was very Jekyll and Hyde and caused both of us to feel insecure within the relationship. I feel like I had no control of my emotions, and tiny things would spiral into the worst arguments. I'm heading back to Canada soon and feeling less depressed but now anxiety is kicking in as I'm unsure he truely wants me to come back. He has told me he can forgive but not forget what I've said and done, and that he never knows what to expect from my moods. I'm unsure of how to repair the damage I've done and to show him I'm less angry. I'm looking into therapy and an anger management course but I suspect he'll expect instant results. Any ideas on repairing a damaged relationship Beyond Blue crew? Or will we always have this hanging over us?

Janross Separation after 16 years of marriage
  • replies: 3

Hi My name is Janet and I am going through a separation from my husband. I really need a advises on how to cope as I am a total mess right now. I am in a really difficult situation at the moment.

Hi My name is Janet and I am going through a separation from my husband. I really need a advises on how to cope as I am a total mess right now. I am in a really difficult situation at the moment.