My husband has prescription drug addiction and has been lying to me-what do i do

[timesaretough]

My husband of 8 years, partner of 18 years has had a bad run with illness. It started about 5 years ago and has been in and out of hospital with surgeries. Within this time, he has grown an addiction to opioids. I didn't actually know about the addiction at first, just felt like I wasn't getting any attention. I stupidly talked to my male boss about it which then lead to a brief affair. My husband was so broken from it and I wish I could take it back, to date it was my biggest regret. Since then, he has been on and off the drugs, at one point he was so high from mixing drugs that he was unable to hold a conversation and was sent home by his boss-he was very lucky to not get fired! We looked at treatment, but they wanted to put him on a methadone program-is that even normal?? He refused to speak to anyone and told me he was done with them. Just tonight I found out that he is still using them by Dr shopping, going t 2 different doctors to get them. I'm at the end of my rope. I have paid for what I've done, but seem to be still dealing with his issues and feeling like it will never end. He won't see anyone, so what do I do? Ultimatum?

[Doolhof]

Hi timesaretough,

It seems there are a few issues here all contributing perhaps to your husbands use of opioids.

Does he still experience pain that requires medication o help ease it?

Is it possible for him to be referred to a Pain Clinic where they can help him find different ways to assist with his pain levels?

Can you speak to your Dr regarding options for your husband?

It may be important to further deal with the relationship you had with your boss. We all mike mistakes, some hurt more than others. Your husband may be having trouble dealing with what happened, so the opioid use is a way of escaping life for a while.

Can you involve your husband in different activities, engage his mind somehow, add a bit more excitement or meaning to his life.

I'm not sure if ultimatums work well. Only you know how your husband may react to that.

Cheers from Dools

[JessF]

Hello timesaretough, this is indeed a tough situation. It's always most difficult when a loved one refuses to seek help, and in your case, you are less likely to be seen as a figure of trust because of the affair. The doctor shopping won't last forever, they are very good at picking these things up, and eventually the supply is going to be cut off, so his hand will be forced at that point. Perhaps, if you know what doctors he is going to, then you could quietly slip a note to them and let them know what is going on. Regardless, you are left with a decision to make about how much you want this marriage to work, and what you're willing to go through in order to make that happen. Your husband has a drug addiction, and him committing to recovery is not going to be an easy road. Are you willing to support him through that lengthy process, with all its associated relapses, side effects, and resultant mood swings? Are you also willing to work through the feelings of betrayal with him over the affair, and get to a place of understanding how much you both have been hurt over the last 5 years? I agree with Dools that ultimatums are a flip of the coin. Here's another way of possibly looking at what your husband is feeling: the drugs have given him an escape from pain, but the addiction is also a source of shame that he has to hide. I doubt your husband feels good about doing it, but it plays into his view of himself as a broken, deficient person. The affair will have reinforced this. Your efforts to force him to seek help, while well intentioned, may reinforce to him that he is a broken person that needs to be fixed.

[Guest_7403]

Methadone is used to treat people who have an opioid addiction.

It basically blocks the receptors in the brain that scream for the opioid so that you don't need to use

Unfortunately it's costly, and doesn't solve the problem as the addiction remains it's just suppressed

[baet123]

Hi Timearetough,

Welcome and thank you for sharing your situation with us.

Addiction is tough and extremely hard to conquer. I am sorry your going through such a rough time and what I would like to know is if there are any underlying reasons as to why he is so reliant on the medicine? Like Doolhof mentioned above, maybe he has some long lasting complications from the surgery that could be physically bothering him.

If he refuses to see anybody maybe you can suggest for him to go to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting and see if he finds comfort or enjoys being at these meetings. On my work placement with university at the moment I get to observe AA meetings and NA meetings all the time and they are so beneficial. Your husband doesn't have to do anything there but socialise and listen to other members who have been through everything your husband has been through and he may find comfort and familiarity in this and it could be his first step to sobriety and getting over his addiction. Many GA,NA and AA religiously believe that these meetings are the only thing that keeps them sober so maybe that is an option to look into.

Hope this helped and keep us posted.

All the best,

Baet123