Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Joshhh Relationship I need to hear your thoughts
  • replies: 2

Hey guys, This is my first post on this forum so I'll try my best to keep this short and to the point. I've been with my girlfriend for about 5 years now. We met when we were 19 in the same music course that we were attending. We had been living with... View more

Hey guys, This is my first post on this forum so I'll try my best to keep this short and to the point. I've been with my girlfriend for about 5 years now. We met when we were 19 in the same music course that we were attending. We had been living with my mother for the last 3 years while playing in the same band and working part time. Now we live together in another state away from family and friends in order to pursue our dreams. For a while I've been going through this inner struggle, even before we moved, with maintaining the relationship while having doubts about our musical journey but wanting it to succeed. Although, I'm starting to lose the motivation and passion for music and the relationship. Or maybe it's the other way around. I feel like this whole thing has been unsuccessful and dragging on for too long. Even though I really cherish some of the memories, mentally it has been a real struggle. Through many failures and having family issues I'm currently unemployed and dealing with depression which I now realise was always around since highschool. Even if we were successful I don't think the lifestyle of being in a band and a relationship together is something that can easily be maintained. Even though I really don't want to give up, there is so much pressure. So I've decided to attend a course in another profession which I feel optimistic about. I'm in this phase of my life where decisions like this can change the rest of my life. So I want to hear what some of the beyond blue members think. Sorry about the rant and if there's anything you want me to clear up let me know. Thanks for reading.

soul83 Problems with intimacy and disagreents *Trigger Warning: Domestic Violence*
  • replies: 3

I constantly keep a dim view on porn. I don't like it but I can understaand that if a couple were to watch it together and consent to it, then it could be used to spice things up. But I take issue with my wife wanting to watch videos to get her in th... View more

I constantly keep a dim view on porn. I don't like it but I can understaand that if a couple were to watch it together and consent to it, then it could be used to spice things up. But I take issue with my wife wanting to watch videos to get her in the mood. She doesn't bother to think about me or let me take initiative. She turns to videos instead. I feel like I'm just an object that helps her whilst she watches the videos. I'm saddened by what she does but she can't see it is killing me every time she watches them. In the 8 years we have been together, I can't recall the last time we tried to spend more time in trying to explore each other etc. It tends to be focused on her getting turned on by the videos instead. I cannot recall the last time she was excited by me. She never is. She needs the videos tp serve that purpose. She is pregnant with our first child. She says she loves me and she shows no other overt signs that say she wants to leave or get rid of me. She does on occassion get angry and swear at me. She has also hit me. Help what should I do? I feel powerless and like I don't matter.

whiteXXwolf How do i let the only bio-logical family I have left go?
  • replies: 10

This is my first time writing on a forum so I'm not sure where to startand, unfortunately, i ran out of character very fast I am 27 in under a month and I've been in a toxic environment my whole life. I grew up extremely poor with both parents heavil... View more

This is my first time writing on a forum so I'm not sure where to startand, unfortunately, i ran out of character very fast I am 27 in under a month and I've been in a toxic environment my whole life. I grew up extremely poor with both parents heavily addicted to injecting methamphetamine among other drugs so I was constantly subject to a neglect, malnourishment, abuse and at both houses holds (if you could call them that) just in different ways. My biological mother split from my father when I was three years old shortly after giving birth to a daughter. At 13 my father returned to the state so I jumped ship straight away as i knew even at that age my mother didn't really want me. We lived in a horrible poor environment from 13 -14 moving constantly, hiding my father from the police, him not coming home for days, him and his friends stealing and pawning anything I had. But I still felt so much more loved around that than i ever did around my mother. When i was nearly 15 my father was sent to jail for a home invasion among other things so I was left living alone but was forced to return to my mother when I was kicked out. He got out about a year later and a few month later died and was once again abandoned as she didn't want me originally and this was just more for her so I was left living alone at 16. I had dropped out school after that as I didnt have a place to live let alone worry about school. I had a hard 8 years but decided i wouldnt become them and started to study to go to university after 5-6 years of trying i was finally accepted to one in a diffent state so I packed up and moved asap, and a month before i was to start i had a seizure and broke my back in a place i knew noone. I was in hospital for a long time and not one person called to see if I was alive, could walk, nothing. I knew then that noone loved me but kept denying it as i didnt want to see the truth. There is so much more and so much more she has done to me but I couldn't write it. I dont have any friends and shes the last of my family so I guess i keep trying to ignore all the things she's done and pretend they havnt happened or arnt as bad as they are. She recently betrayed me again after I tried to reconcile with her and i think that was the last I coud take. I dont think I love her anymore, I just dont know how to let go because its the last thing I have and ive tried so hard for so long to make it work even though i know shes evil and its wrong.

Jessicat Loneliness
  • replies: 2

Hi. Lately I have been feeling incredibly lonely and the feelings that come along with it have made me feel really depressed. I have a lot of good in my life right now. A loving partner and a beautiful child. Study is going well and we are saving for... View more

Hi. Lately I have been feeling incredibly lonely and the feelings that come along with it have made me feel really depressed. I have a lot of good in my life right now. A loving partner and a beautiful child. Study is going well and we are saving for a holiday. However I recently had to leave my best friend, and my only friend. She was distancing herself so much from me and her bad habits were starting to really hurt me. The relationship had become one sided so I decided to take a step back for a while for my own well-being. Since then I have felt increasingly lonely. I have tried to reconnect with old friends with no luck, and making new friends is proving to be really hard too. I am becoming so depressed that I am struggling to look after my 2 year old. My old best friend also had a young child that my child loved and there is guilt surrounding that too where I feel like I have let my daughter down. Ultimately I am mourning the loss of a friendship and am struggling so much with the loneliness. I so desperately want to make some new friends to meet up with for coffee and play dates, or have girls night outs.. I want a close friend that I can lean on when things get rough. I'm struggling and I don't know how to go about meeting/forming new friendships, and how to get over my old one. I'm just really lonely and it's hurting so much.

Nomo How to be comfortable in your own skin
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, This is very new to me - in this generation I've always been a bit out of place. I guess I'm just wondering if other people out there feel inadequate because they can't communicate in the way that is expected now.. it feels so much harde... View more

Hi everyone, This is very new to me - in this generation I've always been a bit out of place. I guess I'm just wondering if other people out there feel inadequate because they can't communicate in the way that is expected now.. it feels so much harder to be heard now that everyone has a platform. I don't mean that in an obnoxious way. I just can't wrap my head around why/how we are supposed to be happy if we are constantly expected to magnify ourselves. I still struggle to look people in the eye when I say hello! Ive suffered from extreme social anxiety my entire life, I don't know how to make myself heard to begin with. I struggled enough as a teenager, and I definitely don't know how to overcome this as an 'adult'. I'm hoping to find some positivity here, I've come to the point where I'm too scared to let people know how I'm ever feeling. I'm honestly too scared to talk to anyone at all. Im really hoping that this could be a turning point where optimism can be found and shared.

Juliet_84 Torn between two men and I'm so confused/upset
  • replies: 10

I don't know what to do and need help. I was with my ex partner for 10 years. I loved him and my life with him. We were very compatible, he was very emotionally supportive (which is important to me), and accepted me like no other, He was my soul mate... View more

I don't know what to do and need help. I was with my ex partner for 10 years. I loved him and my life with him. We were very compatible, he was very emotionally supportive (which is important to me), and accepted me like no other, He was my soul mate. But he could also be overbearing/ controlling, verbally abuse, and, very rarely, physically abusive. After one such instance I left. After being out on my own for a few months, I met someone. He was handsome, funny, and softer with me than my ex and I fell in love with him. We started dating and it was good, although we were less compatible, he required more space than I was used to, and I couldn't talk to him with the same openness as my ex. He also was afraid of commitment, which I was aware of. Then he started acting weirdly, calling me less, saying hurtful things, and finally freaking out and breaking up with me. I was heartbroken, and during this time reconnected with my ex. In anger, I decided that since I hadn't been treated very well by either man, I would see them both casually and continue to date. While I was doing this, my feelings for the second guy (commitment-phobe) intensified and so did his and I felt him falling in love with me, going out of his way to do things for me etc, but things were still very slow, I only saw him once a week,talked about the same. Whereas I spoke to my ex every day, we would go to art galleries, movies, on weekends. He said he was really trying to be better. But I was in love with the commitment phone. However, I also know that first flush of being in love fades and you are left with what's left, the communication etc. So I ended it with the 'phobe' about a month ago and chose my ex, who I love but am not in love with in the hopes that may change. Now the commitment phobe has come back and put it on the line, he's in love with me, can't sleep, needs to see me, etc and I feel weak. My concerns are: - My ex is pulling a charm offensive and will revert back to his old ways. - The now committed commitment phone, while he has some more obviously negative traits (poor/lack of communication, less compatible) is less manipulative than my ex and may also treat me better, be more willing to compromise etc. - I may not be able to recapture my feelings for my ex and we should just be friends. - I won't be able to deny this extremely strong urge to see the commitment phone and sabotage any chance of reconciliation that I have with my ex, who may honestly be trying to be better

jhazavine-rose Struggling Mama
  • replies: 5

Hi Im new to this never thought i would turn to an online forum. But im struggling and when i mean struggling i mean struggling. i Have 3 kids of my own and 1 which is prior to previous person. and my partner im with now has 2 prior anyway its been a... View more

Hi Im new to this never thought i would turn to an online forum. But im struggling and when i mean struggling i mean struggling. i Have 3 kids of my own and 1 which is prior to previous person. and my partner im with now has 2 prior anyway its been a constant roller coaster as he works in the mines and has a roster of 7 on and 7 off. Anyway The kids are ok apart from my 7 year old daughter who is constantly lying stealing little things blaming things on the other kids and smiling about it, she just doesnt care. im under so much stress that she has gotten to the point were now she is physically abusing the other kids. Kicking,punching,spitting,and now choking them my youngest is only 10 months shes also lied to the police saying i broke her foot but yet shes walking on it and jumping up and down ive taken my daughter to see a councilor but its just not working and she refuses to see them. i have asked why she does all these things and she just laughs and says because its fun or lies saying they are forcing me to do it. but when somebody else askes her it changes to because i always get into trouble or its so i dont get into trouble or it was them that made me she told her little brother aged 2 to cut another brother aged 5 and 10 months. ive tried everything i could think of taking things away from her, sitting in corner but it just doesnt work i have PTSD and is an emotional wreck. What can i do because im starting to sleep with 1 eye open. am i a bad parent why she is doing this? Also my Partners Son age 5 has also lied to his school and police saying i have bruised him but when making statement at the police station he changed the whole story and for that i have court tomorrow and struggling in all this he also lies and blames everything on the other kids also and when i ask him he just says because. im so frustrated and hurt i just go into my dark space and breakdown i think i have run outta tears and just ready to end the chapter

Rose1995 No sex drive, I’m not sure how to proceed anymore.
  • replies: 2

Hi guys. I have been in a relationship with my partner coming up five years. The first year/two years were perfectly fine, sex was good and I was happy to have it, and we would regularly. Before we started our relationship I was sexually assaulted, a... View more

Hi guys. I have been in a relationship with my partner coming up five years. The first year/two years were perfectly fine, sex was good and I was happy to have it, and we would regularly. Before we started our relationship I was sexually assaulted, and it’s ended up haunting me for a long time. During our relationship, I started to say no because I felt like I didn’t have to do it when I wasn’t really into it, like I previously had to. That turned Into me often saying no. Occasionally it’d float back the other way and it’d be okay, and now it isn’t. I am going to therapy for my anxiety and depression, and I am not on medication. I don’t want to have sex. I think about it, but I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to be seen naked, or vulnerable. I don’t want to expose myself in anyway. I’m not sure if this is something to do with my mental health or if this is just how I am. This is extremely difficult for my partner, who is a very sexual person. I’m very sure this will be the end of my relationship if this isn’t something I can fix. Has anyone had an experience like this and can shed some light on how I’m feeling?

QuartzCrystalMoonBeam It's not just jealousy
  • replies: 3

I work in a small salon with another woman who is of similar experience/skill level as me. We have equal roles at work and it's a small salon so it's just us most of the time. Every day I have to endure going to working and listening to customers dro... View more

I work in a small salon with another woman who is of similar experience/skill level as me. We have equal roles at work and it's a small salon so it's just us most of the time. Every day I have to endure going to working and listening to customers drool over her. They constantly tell her she's amazing and she did such a good job etc. There's always emails saying "I came in last week and saw Sarah* (who was AMAZING btw)..." and then constant phone calls from people making bookings "I saw Sarah last time and she was really great can I book in with Sarah?" And we're always getting reviews on Google saying how "awesome and amazing and wonderful and beautiful Sarah was" people literally take selfies with her all the time. It's insane. *obviously not her real name it's not even just customers. All our co workers love her, all our peers from other salons love her. Everyone loves her. She's one of those people who has that magical charm that makes everyone suddenly want to be her friend and think she's super cool and funny. At first of course I was jealous. Jealous that all our customers liked her so much but didn't really seem to care for me. But I feel like confusion and even anger took over at some point. I try my best not to hold it against her, she's not doing anything wrong but it's just SO HARD every single day to be around that. It never ends. I never get a break from it. Day after day my soul is crushed. i have no idea what to do. I love my job and the salon I work in, and I find myself wishing that she would get a job offer and leave so I don' have to face this every day but I know she wouldn't ever leave- but it' getting to a point where it's making me want to quit but I worked so hard to get to where I am today and i definitely dont want to leave this salon. I don't know how to deal with my feelings. I know I have my own admirable traits and qualities but that doesn't help these constant feelings of...I'm not sure. I don't even know what I feel... i don't know what to do anymore. This is getting me down so much I feel awful constantly. I don't even want to go to work anymore. Please Help Me

HerbieM Depressed - feeling like an unappreciated husband
  • replies: 7

I have been happily married for about 19 years, and have 3 wonderful children (11, 10 & 4 yrs). We are financially stable, I have a good job and I am a good, thoughtful and involved husband who actively cooks, cleans, irons, gardens, looks after the ... View more

I have been happily married for about 19 years, and have 3 wonderful children (11, 10 & 4 yrs). We are financially stable, I have a good job and I am a good, thoughtful and involved husband who actively cooks, cleans, irons, gardens, looks after the kids, helps with school, the taxi driver, IT consultant at home, and organises a lot of the family life. I do this because I love the family, and they do say thank you. I do a lot of things for my wife...often it is the small thoughtful things that matter. The problem is that although my wife does say thank you, that is where it stops. I know she loves me, but I do not feel loved, for example: I buy my own birthday presents for everyone to give back to me. The one thing I wished and asked for (a family event such as an adventure course, ropes course etc - so we can have an experience all together, has never been followed through) I ensure that much of the house work is done so that my wife is not burdened with this I adapt and flex to her needs, but there seems little in return I initiate physical contact (hugs etc), but it is rarely initiated back I always initiate sex, but it is rarely initiated back Her phone calls, texts and messages seems to take priority over me I was desperately tired and stressed due to work and asked for a holiday as I was exhausted, but I ended up organising everything She never seems to be happy - or I don't appear to be able to make her happy anymore The things that I do for her are not reciprocated. I always try to be a better husband, but I am frustrated, am starting to feel hopeless and depressed. We have had conversations about my needs in the past, things get better for a couple of weeks, then it reverts back to the old ways. I am an intelligent and loving husband and father who can normally figure things out for myself...but this one has me absolutely stumped.