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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Megshell Adoption and its' link to ongoing anxiety and depression
  • replies: 5

Hi, I'm Meg. New here, so please be kind. I guess I'm seeking out others experiences of adoption. There is so little research and the research done seems to focus on forced adoptions and I'm thirsty to hear the lived experiences of people like me. I ... View more

Hi, I'm Meg. New here, so please be kind. I guess I'm seeking out others experiences of adoption. There is so little research and the research done seems to focus on forced adoptions and I'm thirsty to hear the lived experiences of people like me. I was adopted in 1975, on the tail end of the forced adoption period (thanks, Whitlam). I was 5. I had lived with a fiercly Catholic family in the year I was in foster care, and then was adopted into an amazing, intelligent and refined family a few months after my fifth Birthday. I went from a family with drug addiction to intensely Catholic adherents to (kind of) atheist intellectuals. I'm sure you can imagine that travelling between these three diverse families was confusing and disorienting. All the rules and norms were so very different and it seemed like I was always doing the wrong thing. My new parents shock at hearing me cry, "the devil made me do it" was a bit of culture shock. I have two siblings, both adopted, both very different, both deeply loved. They were both adopted at 3 and had backgrounds that I have no doubt scared them, deeply. I guess I'm asking for them too, and perhaps especially. In our own ways which have often been different, yet incredibly similar, I feel that adoption has touched each of us, in negative ways. I feel that the underlying core belief, for me, is that I'm unloveable. I suspect this is true, particularly of my brother. I would like to know if others feel this too. Thanks for your responses. Kind regards, Meg

Lonely_and_Tired Tired of trying
  • replies: 4

2 years ago i met an amazing girl... my soul mate... she lives in the US and from the moment we met she never left my mind. After visiting the US a number of times to see her, we decided we would look to live together, both in the US and here in Aust... View more

2 years ago i met an amazing girl... my soul mate... she lives in the US and from the moment we met she never left my mind. After visiting the US a number of times to see her, we decided we would look to live together, both in the US and here in Australia. To do this i needed to make sure we were financial to be able to enjoy our lives together. So after we took a vacation to the Greek islands and Thailand, i started a business with some friends with the intention of walking away with a monthly salary when its all set up. I am due to leave this business now in 5 weeks. Today i got a text message saying that someone else has come into her life and she wants to take a step back from us. I worked 7 days a week... day and night.. for a good part of a year .. i flew to see her numerous times even paying for her to come here.... right now i feel lost... i dont know if im angry, sad, lonely or just disappointed in myself or the outcome... i did nothing but work to ensure she could have the world... so we could travel and enjoy life together.... if going to such lengths means i lose out.. what chance do i have at my old age of 51 of finding the a woman....

Strangefemme2000 Just another post about loneliness
  • replies: 5

Hello i am new to this forum. I’m just concerned about the disconnect I feel with people in my life. A little history I have a bad track record with friendships. I haven’t had close friends for quite some years as when I did I often would get very up... View more

Hello i am new to this forum. I’m just concerned about the disconnect I feel with people in my life. A little history I have a bad track record with friendships. I haven’t had close friends for quite some years as when I did I often would get very upset and angry with friends for reasons I don’t understand and would treat them quite badly. I feel very humiliated by past actions. Humiliation is a big part of my identity really. I have some friends but not anyone to close. I find I can manage the friendship better that way but it also means I’ll only see people once in a blue moon. I have become quite acostomed to spending most of my time alone and enjoy it really. I know the reasons I enjoy it aren’t very healthy. I have a job and a loving family and the disconnect comes from the interactions I have with family and colleagues as I find my self lying about what I’m doing and how I’m feeling all the time out of embarrassment more than anything else. This same embarrassment has stopped me from seeking help. I have reached out and received help on a few occasions but can’t help but skirt the truth about my feelings and day to day activities. I just generally feel so much shame and humiliation about who I am as a person. I am just wondering if anyone has a similar experience or any advice on how to over come these feelings and accepting my past and present self. I’m not really in a position where I’d make any new friends that could be close. I am ok with this as I’d like to be at peace with myself before I’d even be able to form any close relationships. I understand having good relationships is important to heal but I am currently unable to trust anyone with my inner embarrassment. Any thought you may have on this would be greatly appreciated.

Freshstart46 All or nothin
  • replies: 3

I am struggling. I recently finished a 4 year degree and got a job away from my home town. I had been in a relationship for 2 years and we had discussed at great length that when my degree ended we would move. When the time cvame he couldnt handle le... View more

I am struggling. I recently finished a 4 year degree and got a job away from my home town. I had been in a relationship for 2 years and we had discussed at great length that when my degree ended we would move. When the time cvame he couldnt handle leavin the home town. I couldnt do long distance as he had cheated on me before and i found out he did it again just before i moved. I am really havin a hard time living somewhere i know no one and because he was undecided i am rentin a house ment for both us but now alone so payin way to much rent and struggling to find a housemate. I love my new job and its what i have been working for and everything i want but i cant help feeling that i lost soo much taking it. I dont want to give it up but i can feel depression startin to take over and am scared it will effect my job and then i will have nothin. It also hurts to think that a man i loved so much could give up on me so easily and it has made me feel worthless and like i will never be good enough for anyone else . I know us ending was the right thing but its still really hard to accept this. Id just like some self love tips and reassurance this will get better cause even though a part of me knows it will i cant help but not see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Emshygurl I need some advice
  • replies: 4

Hi, I’m really not sure what to do, my husband gets really really bad anxiety when I’m not with him, he sometimes ends up in hospital. We’ve been to a gp and she told him to try and find a hobby to keep his mind busy but he hasn’t done that and he we... View more

Hi, I’m really not sure what to do, my husband gets really really bad anxiety when I’m not with him, he sometimes ends up in hospital. We’ve been to a gp and she told him to try and find a hobby to keep his mind busy but he hasn’t done that and he went to a counselor and he said they didn’t help him either. I just feel like I have no independence what so ever anymore. I can’t go out with my friends without him needing to know where I am, who I’m with, what I’m doing and when I’ll be home. It’s very frustrating. I can’t even do late shifts a work without him thinking I don’t love him. Please help

Anomie Flying solo
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I was hoping I could receive advice on dealing with being late 20s (27), friendless/lonely, and generally sad. I've recently moved out and usually I'd be around some family, but now the reality of being by myself is sinking in. I think m... View more

Hi everyone, I was hoping I could receive advice on dealing with being late 20s (27), friendless/lonely, and generally sad. I've recently moved out and usually I'd be around some family, but now the reality of being by myself is sinking in. I think my self esteem and at an all time low because I feel like a weird-o and oddball who no one likes, which seems like a negative feedback loop. But really I don't even meet anyone new. When I do I feel I can't have that genuine of a conversation with them because I'm already mopey. My life otherwise is okay, I have a semi-stimulating office job and take exercising quite seriously (nice to see gym acquaintances often) which I enjoy. The people there I feel enjoy excluding others which is weird to me. Previous workplaces I've been to everyone has been nice and friendly to each other but not currently at this new place. I feel like every time I go out it's a bitter sweet experience because I spend time outside alone, and come home alone. I'm fairly sure it all comes down to self-doubt and generally a poor self image but I'm not sure how to improve. I've seen a psychologist a few times who, I believe, didn't really listen or understand me, and gave me shallow CBT exercises which was not relevant. I'm generally shy but I can still introduce and talk to people. I just feel so lost and alone because I'm not sure how I can meet nice people and make friends or have nice experiences, and/or improve my self perception into something more positive. Which is odd because I'm very aware of my minds habit to think poorly of myself - but feel powerless to do anything to tip the scales in my favour. Maybe I'm lazy and need to just get out there, attend things alone, and see what life presents me. I need to summon enough motivation to leave my room and at least try. I just don't know what to do. Thank you for reading.

Distrot_Wife Is a seperation a good idea
  • replies: 4

My husband and I have been married for 14yrs and together for 21yrs we have 3 beautiful kids and the last 3yrs have been really hard on us all with his depression in respects that he has withdrawn from everyone and everything and now we are fighting ... View more

My husband and I have been married for 14yrs and together for 21yrs we have 3 beautiful kids and the last 3yrs have been really hard on us all with his depression in respects that he has withdrawn from everyone and everything and now we are fighting all the time. Don't get me wrong I love him and have been by his side through all this like he was for me 16yrs ago but there is no sign of him wanting to change his frame of mind and thinking. We are in counselling and it doesn't seem to be doing anything this time around either. His negative thinking is just taking over and I am just so sad that he is missing out on his kids childhood. I am also over the fighting but I am afraid that if we seperate that he will fall deeper into his hole.

Visoredsugar I feel lost in my family
  • replies: 3

My parents have been separated for as long as I remember. Since then they have both married other people and have given me three younger half-brothers who I love dearly (one on my dad's side and two on my mum's). I am in shared custody and, by my own... View more

My parents have been separated for as long as I remember. Since then they have both married other people and have given me three younger half-brothers who I love dearly (one on my dad's side and two on my mum's). I am in shared custody and, by my own choice, spend a week with my dad and the next with my mum. However, the older I get the more I realize the damage the split custody is damaging my familial relationships. Split custody has led to problems forming close relationships with my brothers and has often made me feel like an outsider in the family. On my mum and stepdads side, I have a very large extended family. While my two brothers on my mum's side seem to have close relationships with a lot of the family, I have maybe two or three cousins that I could hold a conversation with. Again, this makes me feel like an outsider, especially at family events at which I normally spend the time in the corner on my phone. I have the opposite problem on my dad and stepmums side. My dad is only close with his parents which means I rarely get to see my cousins and have never met any of my extended family since I was 6. I crave seeing more of my family, especially my cousins, but am unable to due to my dads tense relationship with his sister. Finally, my dad and stepmum are moving to a town an hour away. They want me to move with them, but I have no interest in leaving the life I have behind. They say that whatever my decision, they will be happy, but after a short discussion about it where I shared my honest thoughts, they both got angry and disappointed and told me I was being selfish by not going with them. They haven't moved yet and I still spend every second week with them, but I fear that once they move I will be damaging my relationship with them. I wouldn't be able to spend weekends with them due to transport and scheduling issues, but my holidays are also usually filled as well with friends, sports and various other things so I don't know when I would ever get to see them. Overall, I dont know what to do. On my dads side, I feel utterly alone in a strict household, whereas at my mums I feel overwhelmed in my large family and am given way too much freedom at a time in my life where I need some semblance of structure.

Hildjborn Need help: I Lie to those closest to me and I have to stop
  • replies: 1

Hello. I have been caught out lying to a very close friend of mine that I want to go into business with and I can not stop myself from lying even when I am screaming in my head to stop and know it is wrong. I have grown up having to lie a lot to hide... View more

Hello. I have been caught out lying to a very close friend of mine that I want to go into business with and I can not stop myself from lying even when I am screaming in my head to stop and know it is wrong. I have grown up having to lie a lot to hide things about my family to other family members and friends and I just hate knowning I will lie and that I have been brought up that it is ok to lie to save face or to not let anyone know what the problem is. I also lied for a very long time about what happened to me physically as a child so that has not helped and this amazing person is the person I opened up to as well. I just want to stop lying and be happy and honest. I am seeing a therapist but I keep putting it off and just got to go and see him as regular as I can I just feel so much shame and guilt from so much of my life that I distract myself and cancel/put off important things like seeing my therapist. Just looking for a path out of no mans land where I feel I am atm I got to stop lying it is what I need to do just I keep blocking myself and taking the easy way out.

misscc lost
  • replies: 1

Sorry if this is poorly written. My head is all over the place. Basically, I have been with my boyfriend for 14 months, prior to this relationship we had been close friends. I have had to deal with a lot of stress throughout our relationship whether ... View more

Sorry if this is poorly written. My head is all over the place. Basically, I have been with my boyfriend for 14 months, prior to this relationship we had been close friends. I have had to deal with a lot of stress throughout our relationship whether it had do with university/study stress, family issues, my personal issues. I only feel comfortable to vent to my boyfriend which has caused me to become dependant on him, and i have been struggling to be happy independently. I also am struggling to find solutions to manage my stress. He has been stressed with his studies as well, so as a result we argue a lot and find our selves unhappy. He also feels responsible for me being sad (ex-if i had a bad day at work he would get frustrated if he couldn't put me in a better mood, frustration turned to anger which would result in a fight).We love each other so much and want it to work, however the fighting has caused my boyfriend to not feel 'in love with e'and doesn't feel as close to me but he still loves me, i understand this. Therefore we have decided to seperate to sort through our personal issues, so we can work things out. We both feel positive that things will work out as we've been so happy together in the past, before the personal issues got out of hand. My family life is a bit unstable and i have always had constant feelings of unhappiness before i met my partner, I'm just not coping and miss him a lot. Im in the process of trying to organise to talk to a councillor when i have the time to, but does anyone have tips to learn how to stop being so dependant and stressed? also how to deal with a separation and feelings of rejection? Thank you in advance