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My husband does not love me anymore.
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I was so shocked by his admisson that my whole world came crashing down. I showed a brave face and I did not share a single tear. I could not reveal my disappointment in knowing this is how he felt for the last 3 months. We have been together for 4 years and married for 1 year & 8 months.
He has an addictive personality and for the last 3months he plays online violent games until the wee hours. He also drinks a lot of alcohol, to the point of passing out. I was unhappy so I told then he told me he was unhappy for the last 3months. To avoid spending time with me, he turned to alcohol & on-line games. I am so lost and my head hurts so much. I am too embarrased to tell my family and friends. I am hoping I could get support here.
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All I'm saying is don't escalate anything too fast. Do your thing, let him do his thing. Try not to go into any heavy D&M stuff directly with him as yet and give yourself time to get some legal advice. Exercise, build up your sense of self with the aim to become less reliant on your husband. Look after yourself, eat well and get plenty of sleep (if you can).
If I understand your situation he will continue to bury himself in his games to escape confrontation. This will hopefully buy you time. In the meantime you become less reliant on him and build attractiveness (you are doing this for yourself not to win him over). Whatever you do don't move out otherwise you could lose traction (hence legal advice) but obviously this is different if you are in an abusive situation. I wouldn't be doing much for him though (cooking washing errands etc).
Often someone confronted with an issue and turn it all around (DARVO) so don't fall into the blame game thing. It always takes two to tango but he's probably on the back foot with you raising your concerns. Just remember that you aren't responsible for his actions, moods, feelings, etc.
I'm sure you will prevail. This sounds bad I know but at least you don't have children - that takes it to a whole new level...
good luck!!
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D&M = deep and meaningful conversations.
Keep up the good work J-Tina you're doing well
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I know this is more directed at men, but a good author named Athol Kay had a great website and forum that is quite useful for women as well - often with similar issues. Perhaps google his forum and see how people go about posting their particular issues. There is some really useful advice there and is quite supportive. It's worth a look
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Hi Jasmine-Tina!
Wow you've got a lot of great advice already, just wanted to add a little bit...
You CAN do better, DO deserve better and OWE IT to yourself to find more happiness than that you can get from clawing at a relationship with someone that has gone the way yours has.
And in a way you are lucky you didn't have a child with him if the relationship is about to break up, imagine sending your kid to his place for two days a week of getting pot smoke breathed all over him while he plays violent video games that the child watches... It would be very hard. Just because you didn't have a child with him doesn't mean you won't find a wonderful man and father next time (I know it's hard to think about now, but it is a possibility, isn't it?)
Are you sure it's him that you love? Because what you're describing doesn't sound terribly loveable. Quite often we fall in love not with the person, warts and all, but with our dream that the relationship seemed to promise. Its the first impressions thing, they take a long time to change, even though we're being confronted by evidence that is NOT consistent with the dream all the time!
It sounds like you are/ have been already putting up with a lot of b******* from him, and if someone tells you that he doesn't love you, but then does not wind up the relationship (ie, move to the spare room, darling) that's looking like he's using you to avoid actually going through all the hard work associated with moving on. If he really doesn't love you, you don't need to feel bad about voicing your opinions. Don't put up with living with just your dream for company while the gorilla that your dream turned into smokes pot and plays video games he should have grown out of years ago... The longer you stay there, the longer it is before you get yourself back on your feet again. And if he does love you... (well, sorry but you really can't treat someone that you truly love the way he is treating you...) but anyway, you need to tell him you are not going to tolerate such a relationship. Don't expect things to change, they are more likely not to, especially since you have already moved into the spare room... but at least you will know where you stand. Keep taking deep breaths and stay calm and good luck at the lawyers. Stay in touch.
Lazykh