Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

My husband does not love me anymore.

Community Member

I was so shocked by his admisson that my whole world came crashing down. I showed a brave face and I did not share a single tear. I could not reveal my disappointment in knowing this is how he felt for the last 3 months. We have been together for 4 years and married for 1 year & 8 months.

He has an addictive personality and for the last 3months he plays online violent games until the wee hours. He also drinks a lot of alcohol, to the point of passing out. I was unhappy so I told then he told me he was unhappy for the last 3months. To avoid spending time with me, he turned to alcohol & on-line games. I am so lost and my head hurts so much. ​I am too embarrased to tell my family and friends. I am hoping I could get support here.

54 Replies 54

Dear White Rose, I thank you for your fantastic suggestion about the solicitor. This will be happening soon. Its been 5days since that awful day of his admission. He still have not come up with a solution to this situation. I will be bracing myself when the day comes. He has not even suggested that I move out yet. I am hoping that I will be mentally and legally prepared. He still plays his games so I feel this is his way of escaping the situation. I have been keeping busy with work and exercising when I get home. J-Tina.

Dear Apollo, sorry for the misunderstanding on my part. I have been doing both, then its only been a day. I shall focus more on myself and hang out with friends. I can reunite my friendships that I have not been doing for the last 5 years. I shall keep you all up to date. I am so glad that I signed up on site. J-Tina.

All I'm saying is don't escalate anything too fast. Do your thing, let him do his thing. Try not to go into any heavy D&M stuff directly with him as yet and give yourself time to get some legal advice. Exercise, build up your sense of self with the aim to become less reliant on your husband. Look after yourself, eat well and get plenty of sleep (if you can).

If I understand your situation he will continue to bury himself in his games to escape confrontation. This will hopefully buy you time. In the meantime you become less reliant on him and build attractiveness (you are doing this for yourself not to win him over). Whatever you do don't move out otherwise you could lose traction (hence legal advice) but obviously this is different if you are in an abusive situation. I wouldn't be doing much for him though (cooking washing errands etc).

Often someone confronted with an issue and turn it all around (DARVO) so don't fall into the blame game thing. It always takes two to tango but he's probably on the back foot with you raising your concerns. Just remember that you aren't responsible for his actions, moods, feelings, etc.

I'm sure you will prevail. This sounds bad I know but at least you don't have children - that takes it to a whole new level...

good luck!!

Dear Apollo, thank you very much for your suggestions, words of support and encouragement. I can appreciate your advice of not forcing the issue as hes been playing more of his games. Hes so busy with his games that i can do activities that i enjoy. I saw a lawyer and they gave some good points but my situation is not yet critical. I am glad to know that I havr every right to be there. I dont think he will tell me to leave. But when he does i want to say No and stanf my ground. Apologies again for the spelling errors. _J-Tina for the

Community Member
Dear Apollo, can you tell me in your last post, what is D&M? I am looking forward discovering my goals again. I havent cooked and doing my washing plus some of his. I like your post of not relying on him. I have done this lately. We are both polite to each other but physical have stopped. I always made the effort and i feel he returns them out of spite. So I havent but I miss him. Its so hard but I am always reminding myself that he doesnt love me and I dont deserve this. I shall take it easy for yhe next couple of days. I had a dream last night that he told me we are good together and he gave me a hug. Then I woke up and felt sad that it wasnt real. When the time comes I will grieve about our life together. The happy times. What a waste. I must admit I have really

Community Member
.... invested in this relationship from the start. I thought we both did. I really wanted to know what have tipped him over to come out and say such a hurtful statement. But I won't push him. Me waiting to know WHY has not been very forthcoming from him. He's playing more games so he can ignore me and just do what he wants. It's fine because I can play that game too. I have been doing my own thing at the moment. When the weekend arrives, I will be hanging out with a friend, to have a chat and maybe even vent. Again I am so grateful I have signed up on this site. All the post I have read have been very helpful and I appreciate your time and effort in posting. The convenience of this site has been wonderful. I am aware we all have our own lives but it is very interesting reading other people's situation and how they have dealt with it. I would like to believe that my marriage can survive this situation. I hope he will get sick of his game and realise there is more to do in this world. As I mentioned he won't be making any big decisions and that is a good thing for me. This will give me time to sort myself out and do things that makes me happy. May I also add that posting on here is been wonderful to my soul. I wouldn't know how else would I have gotten through this. Thank you all, so very much. J-Tina.

D&M = deep and meaningful conversations.

Keep up the good work J-Tina you're doing well

I know this is more directed at men, but a good author named Athol Kay had a great website and forum that is quite useful for women as well - often with similar issues. Perhaps google his forum and see how people go about posting their particular issues. There is some really useful advice there and is quite supportive. It's worth a look

Dear Apollo, Thank you for your posts and for clarifying Deep & Meaningful. I have googled and saw that Athol Kay is the writer of Mindful Attraction Plan. I will have a look at the forum. To find useful advices and supportive suggestions will be so helpful for me. Thank you again. J-Tina.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Jasmine-Tina!

Wow you've got a lot of great advice already, just wanted to add a little bit...

You CAN do better, DO deserve better and OWE IT to yourself to find more happiness than that you can get from clawing at a relationship with someone that has gone the way yours has.

And in a way you are lucky you didn't have a child with him if the relationship is about to break up, imagine sending your kid to his place for two days a week of getting pot smoke breathed all over him while he plays violent video games that the child watches... It would be very hard. Just because you didn't have a child with him doesn't mean you won't find a wonderful man and father next time (I know it's hard to think about now, but it is a possibility, isn't it?)

Are you sure it's him that you love? Because what you're describing doesn't sound terribly loveable. Quite often we fall in love not with the person, warts and all, but with our dream that the relationship seemed to promise. Its the first impressions thing, they take a long time to change, even though we're being confronted by evidence that is NOT consistent with the dream all the time!

It sounds like you are/ have been already putting up with a lot of b******* from him, and if someone tells you that he doesn't love you, but then does not wind up the relationship (ie, move to the spare room, darling) that's looking like he's using you to avoid actually going through all the hard work associated with moving on. If he really doesn't love you, you don't need to feel bad about voicing your opinions. Don't put up with living with just your dream for company while the gorilla that your dream turned into smokes pot and plays video games he should have grown out of years ago... The longer you stay there, the longer it is before you get yourself back on your feet again. And if he does love you... (well, sorry but you really can't treat someone that you truly love the way he is treating you...) but anyway, you need to tell him you are not going to tolerate such a relationship. Don't expect things to change, they are more likely not to, especially since you have already moved into the spare room... but at least you will know where you stand. Keep taking deep breaths and stay calm and good luck at the lawyers. Stay in touch.