My husband cheated on me for prostitute

[JennyYanna]

2 days ago i found out my husband cheated on me, he often goes to brothel for 2 years, can say everyweek. I feel broken when found out this truth. We have been in relationship for 7years and have a 3yo daughter, we just married for 7months. We dont have any sex or intimacy since i was pregnant, so could say 4yrs. Also, my husband is a veteran, he has PTSD and broken for 5yrs. He is diagnosed with sexual disfunction (according to the Drs), that was a reason i thought he didnt wanna have sex bc of depression and anxiety medication he has been. He was inpatient in Hospital 2 times to address alcohol and gambling problem, plus PTSD....He used to tell me that he has no interest in sex bc of his mental health problem and medication he taken. That was the only reason i trust on him not cheating on me. 1 year ago, i also found out that he went to brothel for prostitutes but he said that he took his friends there, not him. And i beleive on him.

I dont know what to do now, i feel so hurt and pain, i wanna leave as its too much pain for me. But thinking abt my daughter, i cant. I cant put on her what my husband has done to me as its not fair. She loves his dad very much, i cant think abt separate her with her dad, but i cant think abt stay to experience my pain everyday seeing him.

I just feel stuck, no way to go. Why he cheated on me for prostitutes? Why he told me that he has been sexual disfunction but still going to brothel? So is this my fault?

since i found out, i move into another room and live with my daughter, but still in the same house and i told him dont talk to me unless he wants to discuss abt separation and child custody. We havent talked abt what happened, i want to know why he cheated on me but i feel so painful to listen to.

what should i do? Move on to a separation or give him a chance bc of my daughter? I know its up to me to decide but im just empty now to decide anything, i dont want my decision hurt my daughter, otherwise i will live a regret life bc of the affects on her.

I should live the life for myself or for my daughter? Please give me advise, im totally broken.

[Rumples]

Hi JennyYanna,

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation and you must be feeling terrible you poor thing. You've made the right decision reaching out to us, we're here to help.

Please understand this - you've done nothing wrong. This is not your fault. This was done to you.

Finding out your partner's been unfaithful is never easy. I fully understand what you're going through as I've been there myself. One day life was great, the next it was shattered, like a mirror. All the dreams and plans for the future - gone. So, I really feel for you Jenny and will do everything I can to help you get through this terrible time in your life.

I'm not going to lie to you, it's not going to be easy. You will never forget the betrayal and it will always be in the back of your mind affecting the way you think towards him. Every time his mobile rings or he's home late, you're mind will go into overdrive thinking the worst. Even if it's not actually happening.

I'm going to speak to you from my experience. Do not try and stay together if the love has gone. You'll only hurt yourself, your child and him. I used to use the excuse "I'll stay for the kids sake and then leave when their older". Trust me when I say it's a disastrous mistake to go down this road. The fact is, he's never going to have your complete trust again, it's just human nature. No one can tell you to stay or go, that's for you to decide. All we can do is to help guide you along the road you choose to take.

It would be a very very strong woman who could accept what has happened and move on in the marriage. I personally don't know of anyone who's done it. That's not saying you can't. I'm just saying, it'll be difficult.

You need to speak to someone close, GP, friend, family, church, someone. You can't deal with this alone. I know it's going to be embarrassing to tell people what's happened, but you need to talk with someone about this otherwise it'll eat you up. It's already affecting your marriage as you said you're now in separate rooms and not talking. The warning bells are ringing Jenny.

I'd like you to come back to me with your thoughts and we'll chat some more. I'm here all day.

I'm giving you a big hug right now.

Your friend Rumples xo

[Betternow]

Dear JennyYanna

I can’t add anything useful to Rumples advice except to say she is spot on with her assessment. Read her words carefully.

I too had my spouse cheat on me repeatedly and even though we are long divorced, the betrayal has affected me in so many negative ways to this day.

I made the mistake of trying to forgive and forget only for her to cheat again and again. Years of pain and anger.

Good luck Jenny.