My girls were my world

[wanted_a_simple_life]

My world has been turned upside down 15 weeks ago when my wife no longer wanted me. We had been together for 10 years, married for 8 and have two of the most beautiful girls a Dad could hope for.

We always had our ups and downs and yes Ive said stupid things in the heat of the moment, but generally we had a good marriage but always had room for improvement.

We were so busy most of the time with everything we had to do in life and looking back we really didnt invest into our marriage enough and slowly things got worse and we fought more and more.

After we seperated we went to counselling where I found my wife not giving an inch and blaming me for leaving her a broken person.

Im a bit old school and worked tirelessly to give my girls a great home and life and sacrificed myself in doing it. I also spent a lot of time with the girls during thier activities they chose to do.

I always thought if I did this, my wife would still love me, but obviously I havent emotionally met her needs and have found out someone else is now.

I feel so robbed that Im going to miss a large chunk of my girls growing up as my wife has moved away in order to distance herself from the things that will eventually catch up with her in the relationship she has formed.

Im so frustrated that she has painted a really bad picture about me to her family that they dont want to talk to me and therefore delay them finding out about her new relationship.

I really want to tell them my side of the story as I have proof beyond doubt that she is a new relationship, but they dont want a bar of it.

There are other people who know this information as they found it too after being suspcious as to why she had left me, but no one has told her immeadiate family.

What should I do??

[nettle]

I also feel the sting of not being able to share my side of the story. Its hard when people you have called family for many years are so quick to judge and turn their back on you. As hard as it is, my advice here is let them.  It is their doing not yours. Maybe you could let them know that you still care about them and are open to maintaining a relationship with them, then maybe in time you ciuld share your side. Blaming you is probably the best way they can come to terms with the end nof the relatiinship, even though its completrly unfair. It sounds like you want revenge on your ex for hurting you, which is fair, she has misrepresented your relationship, I hear that buddy!! But I dont think it will help in the long run, could make things more volatile for you in that family.

As for your girls, you are their parent just as much as their mum is. Did you agree to your ex moving away? How far did she move? I know that if she has moved interstate she cant do this without your permission and you can get a court order to make her move back. I know you dont want to do any legal things, but you and your ex must come to some kind of agreement on the care if your kids.  You sound like a good dad, I think you should seek out some mediation and get a parenting plan in place or get some legal advice- you dont have to act on it.  If you want to be involved in their lives then make it happen. Dont wait for her to realise shes made a mistake.

[Neil_1]

Hi Brett

Mate, I reckon in time and not too much time from now, they’ll soon find that they add up 2 + 2  and that’ll equal 5.   That’ll mean that they’ll twig on to what is happening and indeed, what has happening.

If you’ve already alluded to it and they won’t or don’t believe you – it can’t be too much longer now before she introduces this guy to them and then they’ll begin to wonder, hey, maybe Brett WAS telling the truth, because these two seem to know an awful lot about each other.  That’s just my thoughts on that.

What does that say about his character to pursue a married woman, with children – not a whole helluva lot, I would think.

I just hope that you’re still able to keep contact happening with your girls – that’s the biggest thing to focus on, and like July said, keep being the same person you’ve always been.

Keep on posting here as long as you feel you’d like too, cause we’ll be here for you.

Neil

[wanted_a_simple_life]

Hi Nettle, I never agreed in writing and they moved 1 hour away.

This hurts so much that this almost exact time 6 months ago, they met on a cruise. 

Today has been very emotional as I think my own wife decided to take off her wedding rings and party like a teenager as I have photographic proof of this.

for her family that have upheld high morals at all times, I feel sorry for them and I feel very sorry for my girls that have been taken away from me to cover all this up.

i never wanted to be a single dad 😥

[Indra]

Hi Brett

Feel for you and what is happening - I had the same happen to me but my ex did not want anything to do with the kids to start with. They do want to carry on like teenagers with the new love interest and it does sting like hell to start with. Do not blame yourself - if someone cheats they are going to do it regardless. They like to put the blame in the other party so they don't feel guilty about what they have done or don't want to take any responsibility. As for your in-laws it won't matter what you have to say - blood is thicker than water - I found this out the hard way. As for cheaters, they will only come back if the new relationship falls through. Then it may happen again and again or you will have that constant worry if it will happen again. That is no way to live or not fair on yourself to go through that. Get on to the Legal side with visitation straight away and make sure you arrange regular contact with your girls as well. The longer you leave things it will work against you. There are plenty of legal help lines available. Unfortunately custody  is never pleasant for anyone. In the mean time stay as positive as you can with your girls, enjoy the time you spend together, talk on the phone, Skype - you have a right to do so. Don't give up - it may not seem like it now - but things will get better once you have a regular routine established. Good luck - Indra