My gf left me at my most vulnerable

[mpatt]

I have been battling depression for four months and one month ago my gf left me. And after speaking to certain people I now know that I was in a controlling, emotionally, digital and abusive relationship, she once physically abused me. Which I forgave her instantly because I loved her. The reason she hurt me was, she went through my laptop “claiming to check my privacy settings” and went straight to me blocked list. I had 50 females blocked because I didn’t want to get screenshots of friends with her asking who they are. When she saw this she got upset and then blamed me for having so many women that I probably slept with blocked. The next day she asked me to explain every person on the list, after 10 people she gave up and said give me your phone.
I had always said, no worries you can go through anything as I have nothing to hide. When she went through my phone she worked out I went on 3 dates in 2017 not the two dates I said. I completely forgot about the I had at the start of the year, she then found a message I sent my brother two years ago and accused me of being disgraceful to every women. It was a minor personal joke with my brother. She made me feel so bad about everything, yelling at the top of her lungs, and I’m extremely passive and avoid confrontation. She then proceeded to do a Facebook search and saw I liked a photo of my ex girlfriend two years ago, she was in a photo with my mates wfie ( we broke up 5 years ago). She accused me of being a promicuous man as I was chasing her two years ago while chasing my ex. I haven’t spoken to me ex in 5 years. When she saw this innocent liked picture she walked to me abused me. I laid on the ground in shock and disbelief. I never thought anything like this would come from her.

[smallwolf]

*** trigger alert ***

My psychiatrist gives me the scripts for ADs. Each time I see her, she asks me questions like whether they are working, side effects, etc. So if you are taking them, and you react negatively to them, you should tell the person you got the script from. Yet I can understand the hesitation you would have.

I was also against the idea of taking ADs. Don't ask me why, because I cannot really think of any reason I might have given. But when things turned really bad for me (wanting to end my life) when I went to the GP next, I was prescribed ADs and referred to a psychiatrist. Today, and despite the changes in medications, I don't regret taking them now.

So how was your day today? And plans for the upcoming weekend?

Tim

[mpatt]

Feel emotionless and numb on them.. Staying in doing nothing, I don't feel like leaving the house..