FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

My gf left me at my most vulnerable

mpatt
Community Member
I have been battling depression for four months and one month ago my gf left me. And after speaking to certain people I now know that I was in a controlling, emotionally, digital and abusive relationship, she once physically abused me. Which I forgave her instantly because I loved her. The reason she hurt me was, she went through my laptop “claiming to check my privacy settings” and went straight to me blocked list. I had 50 females blocked because I didn’t want to get screenshots of friends with her asking who they are. When she saw this she got upset and then blamed me for having so many women that I probably slept with blocked. The next day she asked me to explain every person on the list, after 10 people she gave up and said give me your phone.
I had always said, no worries you can go through anything as I have nothing to hide. When she went through my phone she worked out I went on 3 dates in 2017 not the two dates I said. I completely forgot about the I had at the start of the year, she then found a message I sent my brother two years ago and accused me of being disgraceful to every women. It was a minor personal joke with my brother. She made me feel so bad about everything, yelling at the top of her lungs, and I’m extremely passive and avoid confrontation. She then proceeded to do a Facebook search and saw I liked a photo of my ex girlfriend two years ago, she was in a photo with my mates wfie ( we broke up 5 years ago). She accused me of being a promicuous man as I was chasing her two years ago while chasing my ex. I haven’t spoken to me ex in 5 years. When she saw this innocent liked picture she walked to me abused me. I laid on the ground in shock and disbelief. I never thought anything like this would come from her.
31 Replies 31

mpatt
Community Member
Everything I Iove doing, we did together. We had so much in common and I can't do the things I love because it just makes me upset.

This has truly broken me and this feeling is unbearable.

JessF
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
That does make things a little tougher then. Can you think of any times during the last day when you haven't been thinking about this, or when those unbearable feelings were less intense?

mpatt
Community Member
its a constant thought that keeps going around and around. I try to move my thoughts but they come back.
im sorry to be complaining
Its just so tough and Im finding it so hard to find any motivation or to feel happy

JessF
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
Hello mpatt, it must be very tough and exhausting to be feeling like this, and it's good that you are trying to move your thoughts. It might be a good idea to start with setting some expectations for yourself. When you've experienced a deep loss like this, you won't be able to flick a switch and feel permanently happy, with all the bad thoughts erased. It is going to take some time, with slow, measured steps. This is why it can help to try and focus not on the sadness, but on any parts of the day when you have found yourself not preoccupied with those thoughts, even if it's only for a few minutes at a time. What do you have planned for the rest of today?

mpatt
Community Member
I struggle just to have the energy or motivation to leave the house...

JessF
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
It can seem like climbing a mountain some days, can't it? Well, it's good that you at least have some motivation to post. What would be most helpful for you to talk about in your thread today? I'm happy just to listen if that might help.

memorytrap
Community Member
I'm there with you, mpatt. All I got was a text. One text after 5 years together. I've a melancholic personality type as well, so I feel far more deeply about things. We had so much history together and I never realised how so many places, songs, movies and things remind me of her. Everything is triggering intrusive thoughts and I can't stop replaying our relationship in my head or stop thinking about her. I am isolating nights/events/conversations where I could have said this, could have done that, maybe we'd still be together, etc. The worst wound is how she moved on so quickly as if I was just a blip on the radar. It really sucks when what means a little to someone else meant everything to you. Just letting you know you're not alone. You made it from October to now, the struggles of this month too will also be a moment in time. Keep posting and getting things off your chest, I've found the more people I could talk to about it, the less I live inside my head.

mpatt
Community Member
Ive had this little hope she would contact me...
The tears are killing me, its like I am soon to be a stranger to her, even after what happened. I care for her dearly...
I can't remember the last day I was happy. The text messages and what was said in them keep playing over and over in my head. What her and her mum both said to me has affected me greatly and they will never know how much it did, as it said to never speak to them again so I couldn't reply.
I put my heart on the line and she destroyed it with her jealousy and insecurities making situations out of nothing. I can't even bare myself to watch anything I like and used to love to watch or do all the activities I loved to do.
There are some days that feel meaningless and I feel lost.
I don't eat, I don't have an appetite

smallwolf
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi,

Sorry to read about you are feeling, especially finding out via a text message.

You mentioned in your first post about depression and in Quirky's response asked if you seeing a counsellor. There are two things I want to say to you...

Firstly, I am listening to you. I am unsure of how you feel after you write here, but please continue to do so it if does help. Jess also suggested writing a letter but not sending it. This is another good idea, somewhat similar to writing a journal.

There are other strategies to help you move forward, but rather than write them here, you might like to check out this link...

https://headspace.org.au/young-people/how-to-get-over-a-relationship-breakup/

and if you not able to come to term with what happened, then perhaps getting professional help could be considered? I have copied some text from the above page...

"If it’s been longer than two weeks, it’s time to take action. If you’re struggling to move on after a break-up, or if you feel unsafe in any way, it’s important to talk things through with someone you trust. This may be a friend or family member. If you'd prefer to talk to someone outside your family and friends, your general practitioner (GP), a counsellor, or someone at your local headspace centre can provide you with confidential support."

There is no shame or embarrassment in getting help. It is my hope that you will be able to move forward from this experience to live a life of joy, and perhaps form new relationship(s).

Peace and comforting thoughts,

Tim

mpatt
Community Member
I have been seeing a psych since October and the past month its got worse, I've been avoiding taking antidepressants because I've had a really bad experience with them in the past... I was prescribed some today and I fear that those side effects may happen.