my gf broke up with me and i am having a hard time accepting what has happened

[Somehurtguy]

Hey everyone first time poster, bit over a week ago my gf of 6 months broke up with me. It crushed me we seemed so happy together and everything just seemed right. she said she needed space so I gave it to her but she msged two days ago and we got chatting and she said she missed me. I would love nothing better than to be back with her, we were long distance but it was only a 3hr drive, but the distance took its toll. I move down there in a month or so and think it will be different once I move down we will be happy and things will work out. But she says she lost the spark and feelings have changed. I said that its alright relationships do hit hard times like this and we can work through this we have not seen eachother for a while i move down soon we can work. But she just doesnt accept it, saying she misses having me as a best friend not the relationship part. I love her but I cant stay friends and see her move on and date other people it would just hurt a lot more. I dont want to block her but she may block me soon as we have spoken and its just she just gave up on me. She doesnt want to try and fix it but says she misses me and msgs me. How do i deal with these emotions that what i had with her will never happen again after making it soo far and about to be so close to eachother just to lose it all.

Thankyou for any help given

[Giraffe]

Welcome and good on you for reaching out. I can imagine how hurt and confused you would feel. Nothing hurts like rejection. I’m sorry this is happening to you. I would suggest just giving her some space , she may change her mind but if she doesn’t you need to take care of yourself. Reach out to friends and family and us too. Also you can see a psychologist, if you go to your GP you can see one at a greatly reduced cost through a mental health plan. I wish you the best.

[jtjt_4862]

Hi Somehurtguy,

Welcome to the forums, and thank you for sharing your story. Break ups really sucks, especially when it catches you by surprise, and this is going to hurt for some time as well. You've given it all you could, and you've done splendid with committing to the relationship. You've even committed to moving down there to be with her, and that's a really big effort from you. But I'm really sorry to say, as your friend have told you, she has lost the spark and feelings have changed. She feels that she can no longer commit to the relationship, and the way she perceives the relationship no longer aligns with yours.

The break up will hurt, and it hits really hard as you try to process it all. It will be mentally and physically draining, and you will be going through a period of grieve where waves of emotions will drown you. But whatever happens, know that everything will be okay. You will make it through this my friend. Even if grieve hits you multiple times, you will be able to survive it and keep moving on. Eventually the grieve will come in smaller waves, and when it hits you, it won't hit as hard as it did before, and your time with her will eventually become a memory of the past. There is no telling when will the grieve period end, and what will trigger it. But remember that you are allowed to grieve for as long as you need to. There's no shame in letting your feelings out, and crying helps a lot. Let your feelings all out as you grieve the end of a relationship that you've put a lot of effort into.

Given that grieve will be mentally and physically taxing to you, please take care of yourself first. Prioritize caring for yourself first. If you feel you can't stay friends with her, as it will hurt you a lot more, it might be a good idea to start disconnecting yourself from her (go "No contact" for as long as you need to process the pain, that includes removing her from your social media, and any other platforms that has her presence in it). It might sound cruel, but taking care of your needs first is not being selfish, it is a sign of self-love at times of abandonment like this. Next, try to fill your time with things to do that makes you happy, play some games, go for exercises, have a nice meal, hang out with friends. This will help occupy your mind so you won't drift into thinking about her, or any "what-ifs" scenarios.

Stay strong my friend! And the forum is always here to listen to your thoughts.

Jt

[Somehurtguy]

Thankyou for the support I am currently seeing a psych and she is helping me a lot it is difficult with being only able to see them once a week to talk about it, with trying to fill the time before the next session but i am hopeful i can get through this

[Somehurtguy]

Thankyou for the advice its nice to hear that you know it is okay to get emotional, we talked today and well she made it clear that there will never be an us again and so i am just feeling empty inside i dont really know how to feel i just feel blank like i will probably cry later tonight but i will get through it. i cant remove her from social media platforms because i still wanna be there incase she really needs me you know? i still want to be a shoulder for her to cry on, i dont want her to think that she cant come to me for support. it is just going to take me some time to sort of work out my feelings so that if she does come for me for support i wont be feeling regret or try to get back together with her because that isnt fair on her i know she already would be feeling bad about this and i still care deeply for her. i want to be her friend but i believe i can be her friend from a distance for whenever she may need me. for all i know she may block me on everything or wont ever msg me again and i will live with her decision. it is just going to take me some time, we were like best friends and she didnt talk to other people really when she moved away so i feel bad about abandoning her even after what happened because i dont want her to be alone or sad but she is strong and she will figure it out i guess.

[jtjt_4862]

Hi Somehurtguy,

If it makes you feel better, then that's all good. Remember to take care of yourself first, and don't hesitate to request for space from her if you feel like you have to. Be true to your feelings, and know what your boundaries are. If the pain is unbearable initially while you try to still be a friend to her, let her know that you need some space, and hope that she'll respect that. Likewise she might do the same to you as well (or even as you mentioned, begin blocking you completely so she doesn't have to go through asking you for some 'space', fearing that by asking, it may hurt you more), because she too is currently trying to process all the emotions that she's going through with this break up. It is as you said, she is a strong person, and she can figure things out herself too. So you don't have to worry about her, she will be fine. You have to focus on healing your own broken heart first.

Jt

[geoff]

Hello Somehurtguy, welcome to the site and when you do feel as though you love someone but then they move away and only want to remain as a friend, that certainly does break your heart, but you're not sure whether or not she may be suffering from any type of depression and moved away just to escape her relationships, but this doesn't mean that the two of you won't get together again, that's undecided as well as unknown, however, as she is only in contact by messages, you can't be sure what her plan of action is going to be and the more you wonder the more perplexed you'll become.

You may not be able to change what she does, no matter how hard you try, but you can change what you do with it, why this has happened may not be obvious and explain her change of attitude and your attempts to please her aren’t working or aren’t lasting for very long, maybe it’s time to stop and look elsewhere.

We're sorry this has happened and made you feel empty, but we learn so much in any relationship, no two days are ever the same.

Take care.

Geoff.