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My boyfriend has an only fans account

Sam145
Community Member

I have just found out that my boyfriend has an only fans account. He has asked and paid a ridiculous amount for 2 videos on certain girls on the site. Both $60 each. He has complimented the girl on how hot she is.

I consider this cheating. The reason this is more of a problem is because he said his sex drive was low and because of that we would hardly have sex.

He has had the account for 2 months. he has also cheated on me and been unfaithful and unoyal in the past. We have been together on and off for 4 years. We have only just come good and it’s been a year and 4 months.

I know his sex drive isn’t low because otherwise he wouldn’t be on only fans and wouldn’t be paying For random girls nudes when he can just get that from me for free.

my sex drive is quite high so he isn’t deprived of it

i don’t know what to do. My head says I deserve better and to leave but my heart wants to try and understand why he felt the need to do it

his reasoning was I don’t know and he wanted to feel validated. When I brought it up to him he straight up went to lie about it but I already knew the truth

35 Replies 35

josh1245
Community Member

hey sam145 I would firstly like to welcome you to this wonderful online community and would like to say I'm really inspired of your incredible strength and bravery in asking for help and telling your sorry. I'm really sorry that you are going through this difficult time at the moment lying is one thing that damages a relationship between people and causes real hurt and damage. he lied to you and that's not okay and no matter what his excuse is its not okay and reasonable. I know your in a really difficult situation at the moment but I believe that maybe you should move on. the reason I think this is that as you stated his already cheated on you before and lied to you deserve to be happy and with someone that's supportive of you.

hope all is well in the future

regards josh

ecomama
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Sam145

I join with Josh welcoming you to the forums. I'm sorry you're going through a really difficult time with a cheating boyfriend. It's horrible.

I'm sure you'll be feeling a lot of turmoil right now and the feelings of betrayal run deep. There are a few antidotes for these feelings...

You say he has cheated before, why did you take him back?
If you write down the things he's said you might like to visit chumplady online and put his comments through the UBT. This is a wonderful tool for us and if you keep reading the stories, you may see your bf reflected in all the stories there.

The mantra of chumplady is "leave a cheater, gain a life" and this exactly what you'll have to do to get anything that resembles a normal life.
There are around 8 typical behaviours of cheating partners which you can learn about at chumplady.

If you stay, what do you think your life would look like?
I would say more of the same but a lot worse. If you had children already knowing what this person is like then the betrayal is felt on behalf of all the children also. It can be 1000 times worse.

You deserve SO MUCH better than this complete disrespect but if you stay, then you're enabling his behaviors.

See what you think,
EM

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Sam, can I also welcome you and I agree with what Josh and EM have said.

If he needs these two videos for his pleasure rather than you and has 'complimented the girl on how hot she is, been unfaithful and not loyal', then there could be a concern now and in the future.

There is a big difference between being intimate to the person you love compared to watching a video and not sure whether or not something maybe happening that you don't know about.

You can try and understand why this is happening, but trust and honesty need to play an enormous role and that's a decision you need to make.

To feel validated involves recognising someone's feelings and acknowledging it, but you don't have to agree with their feelings or the choices they make to acknowledge their emotions are valid.

It's your right to feel what you feel taking into account how you believe the future will develop, positively or negatively.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Sam145
Community Member

I ended things. I can’t trust him anymore and I’ll always have that doubt that he’s up to something.

I am completely broken and I don’t know if I can ever recover from the hurt

I don’t have much of a support group around me accept for my family And I have no true friends

i really doNt know how I’m gonna be strong and get through it

Hey Sam145, thanks for reaching out to the forums. We understand you must feel really hurt and lost at the moment, leaving a partner is never an easy thing to do. We hope you know we're all here for you and you will get through this to be at a happier place. 

If you are interested, we would recommend getting in touch with an organisation called Headspace. Headspace is an organisation specifically for young people aged 12-25 and they offer a wide range of services including group programs which are a great opportunity to meet people. They also have a group chat on their webpage.

Please keep us updated on what you're feeling and experiencing whenever you feel up to it.


 

ecomama
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Dear Sam145

Sophie has some great advice, I hope you can get some counselling support. In the meantime and during time and ANY time, we are here to talk to as well.

It's pretty tough! But you're tougher.

You've done the right thing for your wellbeing and future.

Let us know how you're going,
EM

josh1245
Community Member
hey sam145 leaving a partner and someone you love is one of the hardest things in life but cutting ties with toxic negative people even though how hard it can be is the most important step to your wellbeing and future like EM stated.

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Sam, for you to make this decision must have been disappointing, not being able to have trust in your partner, something that we expect in a relationship, but what it does is build strength in knowing exactly, not only how you feel, but what you want.

Take care.

Geoff.

Sam145
Community Member
I’m still struggling. I need to be constantly talking to someone so I can get through it