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Ragnar333
Community Member

First time in my life dealing with my problems with others

It took my wife to take my family away from me to get me to realize I have a serious problem, never thought this would happen in my wildest dreams, have been to therapist to deal with my past but haven't spoken to anyone on how to deal with being without my family, she says she wants 12 months to figure herself out as well im not sure i can do 12 months without them

4 Replies 4

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Hi Ragnar333, Welcome to our friendly online community. We know it can take courage to reach out for the first time and acknowledge that you might need some help. We think this is an amazing first step and we're so glad you decided to reach out here today. We are so sorry to hear about what has happened between you and your wife. It sounds like it was quite a shock for you and we understand it must be a huge change to try and adjust to. Please know that you do not have to do this alone. Many in our community have had similar experiences and understand.

It's great to hear that you have been to a therapist. We think it's really strong of you in recognising you need some help and then seeking it. We recognise that this is a new and daunting situation for you, so we just wanted to let you know that that there is help available to you. 
  MensLine Australia is a free 24/7 telephone and online counselling service for men with emotional health and relationship concerns. You can contact them on 1300 78 99 78 or https://mensline.org.au/   Please feel free to keep us updated here on your thread with what you are going through whenever you feel up to it. Hopefully a few of our community members will pop by and offer you some words of kindness and advice over the next few days.

smallwolf
Community Champion
Community Champion

hi and welcome to beyond blue. So I hear that you first did not think you had any issues, and your wife took your family away from you and you then started getting help. As Sophie said, these can be seen as positives and shows a determination and strength in you to make things right?

It seems clear that you still have strong feelings for our family as well. Can I ask if you still have contact with your family? And your wife knowing about your feelings as well? I cannot say that it would change anything in the immediate term but....

Perhaps you could explain the "wanting 12 months to figure herself out" part.

Last comment, it was only when I started seeing a psychologist that I found that talking to someone about my problems was (first of all) OK and better than keeping them bottled in. I would be interested in hearing more of your story.

Thanks for the reply smallwolf

Yes im in contact with the family and have seen our boys since without them my life is pointless

She was spitballing with the 12 months it may be shorter but i have been a controlling bastard and not let her do what she wants

smallwolf
Community Champion
Community Champion

I can see that you miss your family. Change takes time. This perhaps would apply to you yourself and your wife. You are taking steps moving forward with getting professional help and likely learn ways of coping and other tools to navigate this thing called life. And that you are trying to move from being controlling is a positive.

Healing or forgiveness from your wife will take time also - to see the changes in you and rebuild the trust.

I acknowledge there would also be a feeling of loss at the end of the each day. I make notes during the day of things I have done. It is a different type of journal and maybe it could help you to put your feelings on paper. Perhaps note down some positives as well.

Forward movement is still forward movement even if slowly.