More marriage issues.

[manoody92]

Well here I am again.

Its quite a personal topic this time.

I have been mentally unwell the past few months and have been trialling different medications to see what helps. It’s been quite a difficult time. My husband has been supportive of this, even though he does get frustrated with me quite easily.

Things haven’t been great and I’m finding it more and more difficult to connect with him. Tonight I decided to be intimate with my husband. I was trying to enjoy it, but I just couldn’t. I came to the realisation that I just wasn’t finding it appealing or my husband attractive. I cried immediately after wondering what’s wrong with me. I’m taking this as the last sign that my marriage might be over, or I at least need a separation to sort myself out. The only thing making me stay is our daughter.

I feel so lost. I see my counsellor Monday, but I just wondered what your opinions are?

[Anxioussinglemum]

Hey Manoody,

No worries, I'm glad my story might be able to help.

It's really hard sometimes to pin point exactly what he does. It's kind of like an uneasy undercurrent. I never knew what sort of a mood he would be in. He used to smoke pot until we broke up at christmas (he says he hasn't done it since then) and this, I believe made him irritable and selfish. He didn't want to spend really any time with my family or go and do anything for any length of time with me, like shopping or out for lunch as it would mean he would be without his pot.

He was quite controlling, he didn't like me doing anything much outside of him. He would constantly pick on my driving and get frustrated most days, or every other day at something I did. He didn't pull his weight around the house and became quite obsessive with the computer, searching for information on one of his obsessions at the time. I didn't spend any money on myself as I felt like he would become upset with this, even though I was the main bread winner.

I didn't like to have a confrontation with him because he could get nasty and spiteful and he would say things that really hurt about me or my family, as I am extremely close with my family, only not in distance, and he knew that was how he could hurt me.

He is the most judgmental person I have ever come across, so I always was worried about what I said to him about my friends or family in fear of him judging them.

The beginning of our relationship was tumultuous, we fell in love so fast but there was a lot of jealousy and I think he needed to feel in control of our relationship and to some degree me and what I did. I believe now this is due to insecurities. There was also episodes of DV in the first couple of years, which I believe I possibly suffer PTSD from as any confrontation with him now causes negative physiological and psychological issues, it could also just be anxiety from it as well.

Hope this helped.

How are you going? Have you gone to your mum and dads for a break?

Thinking of you.

[GoodWitch]

Hi Manoody just checking in with you to see how you are. we've been following each other around the forums a bit and I relate to a lot of what you're saying. did you end up going to stay with your mother for a while? It's good that you have that option available, a chance to get some space without actually having to find accommodation or sign a lease somewhere else. Maybe that's provided some clarity?

I also sometimes cried after sex because it felt so empty and pointless to me, like I was nothing just a piece of meat. It's why I eventually stopped doing it, been over 9 months since anything more than the occasional kiss on the cheek occurred, and that's bec the counsellor advises me to do it. I don't know how long a relationship can go on without sex I know some people do it, but when you started out with more it's hard to know whether you can adjust to the loss of it. It's soul destroying.

Your posts are very helpful Anxioussinglemum, thank you for what you've said. I hope you find the strength to sort through what's going on with you. No physical violence in my relationship but I did grow terribly afraid of his moods and the nasty way he usually reacted to any perceived complaint on my part. It does lessen your confidence when dealing with conflict I totally get that. best of luck to you xo