Again, Thankyou to all who reply. Seriously, I say this to all but especially men - speak up. Either face to face or on forums like this, help is available. Every bit helps - I can personally vouch for this and although I’m still hurting, this helps.
Back to my update. This weekend was a positive one. My ex and I caught up, twice, to walk our dog and just chat. Nothing serious, just good old fashioned chit chat. There was also some physical embrace, not sexual but certainly mutual. Honestly, I felt like I was 15 again!
however, I am not 15 and for the right now I am treating those embraces as a beautiful moment, and am not thinking beyond that. I have been learning a lot in these few weeks since we broke up. For the last 6-12 months I had disengaged with 2 people. My ex, with whom I still love and have done so for a long time. And myself, which has played a large part in my behaviour and the relationship breakdown.
I’m still doing it tough. Still crying. But learning. Understanding. And just like the weekend gone, truly appreciating moments for what they are.
Thankyou again to all for you comments and support.
Hello Wookie, I know this seems to be the highest hurdle you have had to jump, as it was for me, so don't attempt to do the impossible, just take it slowly and as it comes, and remember any change has to come from both sides because if it only comes from one side then there may be trouble lying ahead.