Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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unigirl1994 My mother had a breakdown today
  • replies: 6

I've known all my life that my mother has suffered with anxiety and depression. I know she has PTSD due to her job. She struggled with a bad relationship with my father and they divorced when I was young. Today she had a breakdown. It was a heart wre... View more

I've known all my life that my mother has suffered with anxiety and depression. I know she has PTSD due to her job. She struggled with a bad relationship with my father and they divorced when I was young. Today she had a breakdown. It was a heart wrenching, severe panic attack, the likes of which I've never seen from anyone including myself. I also suffer from depression and anxiety, and it breaks my heart to see her like this. I knew she had post partum depression after my birth, but until she told me today, did not know that she had constant thoughts of harming herself or ending her life after dropping me off at daycare as a child. I didn't know that previous partners had made her feel worthless while I was oblivious. I didn't know that she feels as though she lives a meaningless life because she doesn't have a partner or a huge amount of friends. I am devastated. I hate that she feels this way and I wish more than anything to take her pain away. She says she has this type of breakdown maybe once a year as she bottles her emotions up, hides it to herself and she was extremely embarrassed that it happened today while I was present. I know her struggle, and how hard living with mental illness can be, but it truly breaks my heart to see her feel as though she has to do this alone because she doesn't want to burden me. I don't expect anyone to reply to this, I just needed somewhere to get some feelings out.

Mooioio Getting out of a toxic relationship
  • replies: 33

I have been in a relationship with my partner for 16 years. I love and think the world of him. However, I have reached my limit and have decided that enough is enough and it’s time to let go. The last few years were hard. The worst is that I realised... View more

I have been in a relationship with my partner for 16 years. I love and think the world of him. However, I have reached my limit and have decided that enough is enough and it’s time to let go. The last few years were hard. The worst is that I realised I have been emotionally abused and weren’t even aware of it. He always appeared to be very charming and kind, that he would go through length to make someone feel special and loved. But behind all the nice and considerate gestures are the constant criticism, contempt and stonewalling. I used to feel I am responsible for everything because he guilted trip me on everything. To the point where I thought I were the most useless, self centred and good for nothing person. Everytime we had a fight, I used to run after him begging because I couldn’t imagine a life without him and that maybe I can’t survive on my own if he isn’t around. One of my good friend introduced me to a therapist a couple of years ago. And she made me realised self worth and that everyone deserved to be treated with respect and love. He took me for granted and felt entitled for everything that I gave unconditionally. I supported his dream, ambition and career while putting myself second yet nothing is ever enough. A set back and next thing I know I am responsible for all things that went wrong with his life. He resents me for making him settle down and start a family, ruining his life and opportunity. But the truth is in the last decade, i constantly supported him financially and emotionally and enabled all stepping stone opportunities for his career and life. I admired his talents and would happily continue to support his ambition if he weren’t taking everything for granted ..or at the very least appreciate the compromises and support that I gave him. I feel much relieved now that I have decided to walk away. But time to time I would feel very upset and when I think about all the good things we had, I can’t help but feel shaken and shattered. I guess getting over a long term relationship isn’t easy considering we are still in the same house because of covid lock down. Can anyone be kind enough to share how to move on gracefully and how long it would take to get over this ? And also how to avoid falling back to the trap ( I kept letting him to come back over and over hoping it would change and it will get better but I realised now it won’t )

avocadoqueen Husband’s family members that treat me poorly
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone, I have been with my partner since we were 15, we are now 25. My husband has an older brother who is also married. They have been overseas for a little while & I am so anxious to need to catch up with them again at family gatherings. My h... View more

Hi everyone, I have been with my partner since we were 15, we are now 25. My husband has an older brother who is also married. They have been overseas for a little while & I am so anxious to need to catch up with them again at family gatherings. My husband’s brother and wife have been together for a shorter time then us but they always feel like they need to dominate the family, show off & treat us like outcasts. It is so discreet most times and previously we found out that his brother/gf at the time, was talking badly about us to my husband’s younger brother (there’s 3 of them, my husband is the middle child). We tried to discuss this and tell them how we feel and we were told things like people can have opinions and to get over it. Anyway, a lot of the things seem petty but since then they have made a conscious effort to leave us out of events, my partner’s parents are oblivious to it & say oh just try to get a long and be civil.... but I don’t know what else to do. They try to become favourites and go out and do things with extended family members like cousins and leave us out, but when they haven’t been around things are great and we get along with everyone fine. I know things get said about us & it leaves other family members thinking we are bad people. I know I need to stop worrying what others think, act confident and be strong because I love my husband and he is very supportive. However, I am obsessing over these things, I see things on social media of everyone getting along and doing things after we have been treated like non existent. I dread every family gathering and it just makes me feel terrible because I want things to be normal. I know it’s impossible for everyone to like you and for everyone to get along but I don’t know how to manage sly, discreet actions that are intending to leave us out, make us feel less than and put other thoughts in people’s head. We also have no benefit or want absolutely no tension or some sort of competition/game they want to have with being more superior in the family. Things like showing off assets, money and achievements always also come up. My husband and I are humble and don’t want to succumb to this game they play. Overall, I struggle to stop thinking about it or have anxiety from it no matter how much I tell myself it doesn’t matter. Any help/tips are greatly appreciated!!Thank you

SR76 I’m mid 40’s and starting again. But I don’t love myself
  • replies: 5

Hello This is a first for me signing onto online forums joining beyond blue but as I have struggled with forms of depression and anxiety for probably 25 years I find myself at 44 years of age certainly not down and out so I don’t want this to sound l... View more

Hello This is a first for me signing onto online forums joining beyond blue but as I have struggled with forms of depression and anxiety for probably 25 years I find myself at 44 years of age certainly not down and out so I don’t want this to sound like a poor me story But I find myself without a lot of money renting a number of failed relationships behind me a number of failed employment situation is behind me in a job I don’t like hurting just enough money to pass each month by no friends and those that I do have keep me at very much arm’s-length just generally very unhappy with who I am what I’ve become and where I stand in life part of me posting this on this Waze to hear from others that are in the same position I have been there before or know somebody that has to give myself an understanding as to what is that I’m feeling and how I can deal with it but also has a form of self reflection and putting it out there I’ve started being more public about my battles with anxiety the fact that I’m on medication that I have sleep apnoea and self-worth concerned but the problem is like topics of racism and abuse most people don’t want to enter into the conversation don’t want to offer any advice or turn a blind eye because it’s easier then confronting real topics i’ve started being more public about my battles with anxiety the fact that I’m on medication that I have sleep apnoea and self-worth concerns but the problem is like topics of racism and abuse most people don’t want to enter into the conversation don’t want to offer any advice will turn a blind eye because it’s easier than confronting real topics On the flipside it’s also because people in my circles may not necessarily be as good friends to me as I would have thought and therefore don’t wish to offer any advice because they don’t see me as important enough in their life to do so on the flipside it’s also because people in my circles may not necessarily be as good friends to me as I would have thought and therefore don’t wish to offer any advice because they don’t seem as important enough in their life to do so but is that also being defeatist? I have no direction no clear three-part no education formally I strive to be in relationships we love and connection is paramount find it hard to trust find it hard to let go of the past and most of all find it hard to live in the moment I need help

Cindybul My husband cheated
  • replies: 2

Hi, This is my first time join in here, usually I can manage my loneliness and anxiety by doing some activities. But now I couldn't, I feel scared, alone, my family is in other country. I don't want make them worry and sad because something just happ... View more

Hi, This is my first time join in here, usually I can manage my loneliness and anxiety by doing some activities. But now I couldn't, I feel scared, alone, my family is in other country. I don't want make them worry and sad because something just happened in my life. My husband cheated on me, Its a long story. he did with other girl before we married, then he promised me he never do that again. I wasn't in oz until 2017, I was in my hometown with our 2yo daughter. When I came here I found his condoms in his wardrobe,that time we are not had sex or romance things. I ask him about it, first he said I don't know then it was for you. I don't want think negative. he always act differently when I try to borrow his phone. I doubt and tried to check while he was sleeping. Then I caught it from his phone, he ordered massage girl in 2017 when I was here in Australia. And 2 messages in 2020 like the girl ordered him to come. I wonder how many time he did in behind me. I'm just crying alone, trying to figure out what I've to do, I'm scared it will happen again. I'm feel tired of everything, I didn't get what I deserved all these years even his affection to me. When we fight he always said I'm crazy, stupid, psycho but I still accept it. After he knows that I know. he did say sorry, beg me, then he cry and it was wrong. What should I do, I don't have any job or money, I don't have anyone here. I know we are always fight, but that's because I need his affection, I need him try to understand me, need his help to taking care our kids together like all the house works and kids. My family from outside oz, I can't ask them. I'm always positively doing all the works because I thought my husband maybe tired of his office things. sometimes I can't hold my anxiety, I get angry to him. What I want is just love from him. I feels like he is not interested in me. We rarely did sex, sometimes 1 per year, 1 per week or month. maybe it's because of me, I always show my sad face to him while in home, my anxiety, I never make him happy. Should I divorce him ? I'm just scared. I don't have energy to fight or angry to him, Im just silent and crying try to figure out and I don't want it may affect my kids. I can't sleep because what he did it shows in my imagination, try not to think but it hurts. He always said it's in the past, and never do that again.I Idon't know what to say, I don't know what to do, I don't know to whom I can talk about my problem and I'm not good at talking

Emm2020 Pregnant with baby no. 2 I don’t know what I want from my husband
  • replies: 3

I’m currently pregnant with baby no. 2 and I am having feelings of hate, resentment and anger towards my husband. He doesn’t deserve it but I just can’t shift these feelings. Today I broke after having a highly overwhelming morning. I think what hurt... View more

I’m currently pregnant with baby no. 2 and I am having feelings of hate, resentment and anger towards my husband. He doesn’t deserve it but I just can’t shift these feelings. Today I broke after having a highly overwhelming morning. I think what hurts the most is he isn’t concerned about my well-being- he is just constantly telling me how I am damaging our two year old by behaving this way and that I need to do something about it because it’s just not right for me to act this way. I just wish he supported me. He asks me to talk to him about it but every time I do, he shuts my feelings down and basically tells me I am wrong for feeling the way I do. I’m not sure what I am after - maybe just to vent. But since all this happened he has demanded I seek help so since it is the weekend this is where I have turned to.

outlander94 confused and lonely
  • replies: 4

hi, I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right forum but I need some insight. I've been seeing this guy for 6 months, things started out really good. A couple month in I noticed that he was been extremely secretive with his phone and I manage to get a ... View more

hi, I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right forum but I need some insight. I've been seeing this guy for 6 months, things started out really good. A couple month in I noticed that he was been extremely secretive with his phone and I manage to get a chance to look at his phone (he'd actually given me his passcode). I found out there were numerous girls he was talking to, flirting with and seeing, all while telling me I was the only one he wanted. Things from here have gotten terrible as he's still talking to other girls, he doesn't understand what it means to be 'seeing' someone and honest realise things hurt me like when he ignores me all weekend. I tell him how I feel and he just doesn't understand and we end up in huge fights and I end up apologising and then he continues to ignore me until he's ready to move passed it. I stick around because when we're good, we're really good and no matter how bad the fight gets I ask him whether he still wants me and he always says yes, so I believe him and a week later we're back to fighting. I'm scared to step away because I'm worried I won't find anyone else. All my friends are in serious relationships and I just feel so lonely because my friends don't want to spend time with me and this guy who I'm seeing doesn't understand that actually spending time with someone is a important part of seeing each other. he's happy to spend a night or two together and isn't willing to make time for me or plan to do anything fun with me. He's just so hot and cold and I think I know what he wants but then the next day it's like he's a totally different person. we've just had another fight and he said we can work this all out, I ask if he wants to see me and he just says, 'I'll let you know' and then it takes ages for him to 'approve' me coming over. he thinks that not seeing each other after a fight is the best way to go but I just can't get through another weekend of feeling so incredibly anxious. because I'm constantly overthinking everything he says and does, I know that once he has a drink (like he gets absolutely drunk every weekend) he'll start messaging girls and forget about me. He tells me to spend time with my friends but they don't want to. so I sit at home miserable and lonely feeling like no one cares and I spend most of the time crying and I can't get out of bed or off the couch. I just feel so low that I'm putting myself through this but I don't really have anything else to focus my time on right now.

DrummerBoy I'm not sure if I can Trust my Girlfriend
  • replies: 6

Hi this is my 1st post.I'll give a little background story to lay a platform. My girlfriend is open to having an open relationship in 1 way or another but not with me because she said I'm too insecure, which she has a point but she has definitely con... View more

Hi this is my 1st post.I'll give a little background story to lay a platform. My girlfriend is open to having an open relationship in 1 way or another but not with me because she said I'm too insecure, which she has a point but she has definitely contributed to a lot of it. She is also Bi-Curious. I am struggling with insecurities with her mainly due to how often she looks and follows with her gaze at our workmate which she says she is not Perving but that's another issue. Also when we we are shopping etc she often looks at guys to see if they are checking her out (she has also told me that she does this to see if she "still has it" , (she has low self-esteem but is very confident about her looks and it seems this may be what she does to give herself a boost.). She also thinks that just about every guy finds her Attractive.The issue I'm writing about today is something different.We also work with my 14 year old Cousin who is very shy (he is a "young' 14 who is extremely thin but with a very nice looking face). I told her (she is 37) about a couple of the innocent questions he had asked me about her and her reply was "oh does he have a little crush on me?' which I didn't think too much about as she could have thought it was cute. But what my cousin told me recently has me concerned. My girlfriend has a thing for V8 utes/cars, she said she is Attracted to guys who drive them as it is"an animalistic thing" and a "real male thing" So my cousin just bought a V8 ute and he showed her the pics and she liked it and he told me that she said 'has it got a spare seat' and laughed. I know this could be innocent and a bit of a laugh to her but when I asked her if she said that she said no. I also know that she could have denied it because of all the questioning I have done to her previously, but later in the day i asked her about it again and she said She might have been starting to say (but she wasn't sure if she said it or just thought it) 'you could get a lot of girls with that car, but I would have sounded bad..so I may have said the seat thing to change the topic so it didn't sound so bad. She later said she didn't think she asked him that Question but was trying to think of 'possible ideas that may have happened'. So my question are these. 1. Was the comment just a laugh. 2. Is she trying to get him thinking of her in a Sexual way to boost her ego. 3. Is she a Attracted to underage boys?

JuliaJuly Staying or leaving - what is worse?
  • replies: 10

You all must have heard 1000 versions of this story by now. But I'm hoping to get some insights, maybe, to help me along my road wherever it leads. My husband and I have been married for 10 years - we started dating at 23, got married at 25; no kids.... View more

You all must have heard 1000 versions of this story by now. But I'm hoping to get some insights, maybe, to help me along my road wherever it leads. My husband and I have been married for 10 years - we started dating at 23, got married at 25; no kids. Over the past year I have unexpectedly found myself at a fork in my emotional road and I don't know how to look at it to progress from here. He had issues with depression (due to trauma) before we met. But we were so happy our first few years. When he was diagnosed with an at the time seemingly terminal illness, his depression returned. He won the battle for his life, but his depression came back and never fully let up again. He hasn't worked since a year before our wedding. I was always okay with that. I never minded being the financial provider. But in the long run it turns out it isn't 'just' about income. He has no passions for anything. He has no hobbies or interests that keep him engaged with life to any extent. No friends or desire to make any. He has no ambitions - no dreams or goals. It's intensified after his illness. I appear to be the only thing that keeps him engaged in life. Not because I think I'm great - but because he's literally said so. He has had suicidal episodes and has stated what keeps him from doing it is the thought of me being sad and alone if he ends his life. He will not get professional help. He tried it for me twice, both times didn't work out, and now he just refuses. He truly just sits at home all day waiting for me to come home. I love him. I still want to grow old with him. He is more than the sum of his suffering. I love his soul. The trauma he experienced in his life was thrust onto him - as his partner, I have always felt that what happens to him, should happen to me; we are a team. But I am also starting to feel more and more suffocated. Though I am not sure if I would be happier alone - how can I know? What would I regret more, staying or leaving? For a year now I've been going back and forth between growing old with the man I love and simply just not living the life I wanted (travel, adventures, excitement - which he knew I craved in life when we met)... or leaving and dealing with the no doubt grim consequences for us both (I don't WANT to lose my best friend). I have nobody to talk to - I do not want friends and family to get involved. Could you offer me perspective... is my line of thought reasonable? Is it selfish of me to not want to live like this?

Guest_4653 Partner using pornography 
  • replies: 5

Currently hes in forced 2wk air travel quarantine through work again 5th time now, International FIFO worker and the associated Alpha male in his work place make up. I swear he must think I'm stupid - (deaf blind and stupid) Hes a repeat offender, an... View more

Currently hes in forced 2wk air travel quarantine through work again 5th time now, International FIFO worker and the associated Alpha male in his work place make up. I swear he must think I'm stupid - (deaf blind and stupid) Hes a repeat offender, and now the side effects of premium webcam access the repeated purchasing of download credit, the weird bitcoin, erectile dysfunction, married woman looking to flirt, hook up now emails in the junk box. Multiple devises for here and there, phones, computers, ipads, email addresses and apps. To check his devices pointless they are wiped clean - right back to a reboot status on arriving home. From last time it was established normal to look at, no big thing everyone does it - whats my problem. The once active sex drive now minimalism. I have discussed it before and wouldn't again, but I'm so sad, I feel like a ball of screwed up glad wrap, its humiliating, and the comments it's addictive don't help. When he's home, its a flow on effect of the cant put the device down addiction - any device within reach 24/7 It's being watched and self gratification attained while I am asleep (not asleep) right next to him, our daughter was asleep at the bottom of the bed one night. Does he not realize I'm the same person doing the clothes washing finding this! First thing in the morning in the loo, progress to shower - yes busted there there and there too. Middle of the day on the verandah smoking, in the car while waiting for me to grab some groceries. Total consumption. I feel I have offered, supplied, made available very enthusiastically, supported, listened, stroked ego, toned up, I fear this will desensitize the ongoing 'webcam porn' prostitution to 'in person' prostitute. This is totally consuming me till I am hollow. My once healthy self respect, perceived happy body image and intelligent piece of mind now melted. I feel my respect for him diminished. I cant stand him touching our children with those same hands. Where do you go, who do you talk to, is this even a thing people can help me with.