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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Littlebluebird Struggling with life
  • replies: 9

Hi, I am new here so I apologise if I am posting this on the wrong place lol. I am struggling so much right now. My whole life has changed since the restrictions came in for corona virus. I am a mum and a wife and after years of putting myself last I... View more

Hi, I am new here so I apologise if I am posting this on the wrong place lol. I am struggling so much right now. My whole life has changed since the restrictions came in for corona virus. I am a mum and a wife and after years of putting myself last I was finally studying full time, volunteering and finding myself in life. In the blink of an eye, everything has changed. Now I could probably handle the changes if my marriage was strong, but we have recently decided to seperate. We are still living in the same house though, and the trauma this is causing with not being able to have space from him is breaking me. He won’t give me space, everywhere I go he is there in the house, sitting and staring depressed. I know he is hurting too, but not giving each other the space is damaging us both severely. I am waking up every morning just dreading another day of the same and I cannot see an end in sight. I constantly feel sick in the stomach. I have always been the type who hates to be cooped up, and I am very soft natured and do not handle conflict well. I just feel so trapped. I need this to change. I know it will not be like this forever, but I’m worried I’m not going to come out of this without some severe emotional damage. my dad only passed away a few months ago also, and I’ve been supporting my mum through this time. I feel like I still have emotions of my own locked away that I refused to let out, because I needed to be strong for everyone else. I have kept myself busy with life and study for so long as a coping mechanism, but now that there is nothing left to busy myself with, it is all crashing down on me and I feel like I’m crumbling more and more each day. I don’t know how I am going to continue on for this next indefinite timeframe until I can begin to rebuild my life.

Chloe_Synder A Rough Breakup
  • replies: 1

Hi, I have recently come out of a rocky relationship where my partner split up with me. We had been dating for eight months, and had so many fun times. Before coming into the relationship, I was aware that my partner was a frequent drug smoker - some... View more

Hi, I have recently come out of a rocky relationship where my partner split up with me. We had been dating for eight months, and had so many fun times. Before coming into the relationship, I was aware that my partner was a frequent drug smoker - something that I had never done or been around. When we started dating, his smoking did not bother me. He never pressured me into it, but he was very adamant that he was never going to quit. I tried encouraging him and persuading him with all the negative effects that the drug was having on his body. I never succeeded. The relationship starting becoming rocky after about three to four months, where my partner would often leave me/cancel plans with me to smoke with his family/friends. It became a common issue and no matter how many times I cried to him or yelled at him about the way he had hurt me, he did not stop. There were a couple of huge blow ups in the relationship during this time where I would threaten to leave him as he was upsetting me so much, but I loved him more than anything and saw so much potential. The only problem was his addiction. In January, my partner did something that hurt me the most - he took a huge amount of a drug that is common at parties/festivals. He did not tell me or anything and when I saw him that night, I cried and yelled at him but he did not seem to have any remorse, until a couple of days later when I told him that I would leave. However, I ended up coming back as he promised me he would never hurt me again. I believed him, but his words did not meet his actions. In February, we had another blow up, and this was all to do with drugs. He would tell me how "I could never accept him" and that he hoped that I would "find someone who would not drag me through hell" like he did. He ended things then and there, however, the same night he showed up to my house, with gifts saying he regretted his decision. Fast forward to March, and everything was going smoothly, but he was beginning to smoke more. I was concerned for his health, so I would commonly bring up how his smoking was unacceptable. He did not recognise the impact it was having on me. After a huge argument, he ended up breaking up with me and I am more than devastated because I want him back in my life more than anything. I begged him to try harder, but he is adamant that he will not come back. It just kills me to think that he chose drugs over me all the time. No matter how much he loves me he will not change.

MummaPetal I want to leave my husband
  • replies: 1

Hello I'm so stressed out that I don't know where to begin. I've been married for just over 10 years and we have 2 kids. During this time I've experienced judgement and bullying from his family. My husband has health issues that lead to a severe lack... View more

Hello I'm so stressed out that I don't know where to begin. I've been married for just over 10 years and we have 2 kids. During this time I've experienced judgement and bullying from his family. My husband has health issues that lead to a severe lack of intimacy. He has put on a lot of weight. He doesn't have any friends but socialises with colleagues at work functions. His father has had a heart attack and has diabetes. I've tried to raise my concern with my husband about his health issues because I'm worried and I get labelled as a worry wart or too shallow (re weight). I need to ask for affection. We've had counselling together and my husband says all I need to do is ask him when I need help. However when I do, I feel he doesn't listen or I repeatedly need to ask and explain why or mostly I just give up and do things myself. He isn't aware of his intonation when he speaks and comes across as quite authoritarian. It upsets me. I can't say anything to him without it being twisted around to be my problem. His family are like that too. It's never them. My stress has lead to physical ailments as well. As I've been looking after the kids at home, I don't have any money to leave. I haven't worked in years. I feel so trapped. Can anyone offer any advice? Thank you.

missrogue My parents gave all their inheritance to my eldest brother while they are still alive, I feel betrayed.
  • replies: 2

Hi there, This is something I have been battling with emotionally for a while. My nan passed away three years ago. She had three children left (including my dad) and she left all her inheritance to my dad (which included a home worth about 1.2 mill a... View more

Hi there, This is something I have been battling with emotionally for a while. My nan passed away three years ago. She had three children left (including my dad) and she left all her inheritance to my dad (which included a home worth about 1.2 mill at the time)he told her it was a mistake because her other children would then contest the will, she should leave them something. She didn't and when she passed about 11 months later surprise they contested the will (as they should have). The court proceedings lasted about 6 months. I was never allowed to come with them, instead they took my eldest brother to help them through. After the case was over, they ruled that my dad was to split the profits of my nans house (his childhood home) between the three siblings including himself and the grandchildren (five grandchildren including myself) were to get the rest of her savings split between them (roughly 25k each). At the time of the case, they got an agent to under-value the house to only 900k. All fairly simple, should have been an easy situation. Instead of selling the home, they asked my eldest brother to take out a loan to pay off my dads siblings and children. He had no assets so they paid 20k for his name to be put on the dead to the home as a co-owner with my father. (my other brother and I received no money) I was told that the house would be sold and my brother paid off for the loan he took out. Since then... My father has removed his name from the deed, making my eldest brother the sole owner. When i confronted them about this they said my other brother and i would receive their current home split between us. The home we are currently in would not be worth more than 900k. and the home they just gave my brother is now valued at over 1.5Mill. They are also planning on selling their current home and downgrading to live off the profits because they are now in such a very bad financial situation. I honestly could not care if they kept all the money and did not give us anything, I'd rather them go travelling and live their best life. Its more the fact that they have given my eldest brother SO much and they get to see him financially stable and raise a family. I have had no financial help from my parents, I have asked them for help and been denied. My parents have helped financially towards both my brothers weddings and my mum said today that they would not even have the money to buy me a wedding dress. Every time i mention this,I am told to "get over it"

T-inch So confused
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I have been marrried to my husband for 3 years this year. Been together all up for only 4. We have a 2 year old son. And am 6 months pregnant with our second. I don’t feel that he looks at me the same anymore, he doesn’t touch me the same any... View more

Hi all, I have been marrried to my husband for 3 years this year. Been together all up for only 4. We have a 2 year old son. And am 6 months pregnant with our second. I don’t feel that he looks at me the same anymore, he doesn’t touch me the same anymore, he is LESS romantic and LESS affectionate. I feel like he is not so supportive of me and he isn’t really there if I need a shoulder to cry on. I have spoken to him about this several times telling him I need affection from him, I need to feel love from him. And the only time he shows me affectionate is when he wants to have intercourse. And I’ve told him my sex drive is a bit low because I’m pregnant and I feel uncomfortable in my body right now and it would help if he made me feel special and not only show affection when he wants intercourse. But he hasn’t done that . He hasn’t done anything at all to make me feel loved even though he says he loves me when our son was 1 week old, he did not help me with night time feeds or changes or support me as I was a first time parent also and left me to struggle on my own. And I think i resented him for it. Up until this day, he doesn’t put our son to sleep, doesn’t change his nappy, doesn’t feed him , doesn’t do any of the hard work of raising a child. Only needs to entertain him a bit after work and to me it looks like he can’t be bothered to do that. He does what he wants when he wants. Example he naps when he wants even if I tell him I’m exhausted. He will end up going to nap with out asking if I will be ok to watch our son. And he will nap for 2 hours sometimes. Where I would never do that to him. I never leave him alone with our son for too long because I think it’s not fair. But I feel like he isn’t considerate of me. I feel like he just expects me to do everything when it comes to our son. And his excuse is because he works and I’m a stay at home mum and I have more energy than him. But doesn’t take into consideration how tired I actually am from trying to entertain our son and look after him instead of putting him in front of the tv which is something my husband would just do. I do love my husband. I just feel unappreciated and I’m worried when this second baby comes. And I’m worried we are not compatible anymore. I’m always mad and upset and in my head I sometimes blame my husband because if he had helped me more when I need it then I wouldn’t be so depressed. I love my son so much and I feel like a bad mother when get into depressive moods

ged12345 Sudden break up
  • replies: 2

Hey all, My girlfriend broke up with me 2 months back and it's still affecting me badly. She was always struggling with anxiety/depression, had a panic disorder and phobias, and was on two anti-psychotics and a hardcore antidepressant (mum was diagno... View more

Hey all, My girlfriend broke up with me 2 months back and it's still affecting me badly. She was always struggling with anxiety/depression, had a panic disorder and phobias, and was on two anti-psychotics and a hardcore antidepressant (mum was diagnosed later in life with schizopheia and was ungood to her kids). She was afraid I would leave her and would often apologise (often overly so). Her sister had a lot of control over her—they lived together but it was my ex's house—and would often insult her and make her feel guilty. I used to be good friends with the sister but she obviously has her own mental issues because she turned around at one point and just started lashing out at me, alternating between acting nice and then lashing out further after making promises that wouldn't happen. My ex promised me she would not lash out at me or push me away like her sister did. I was her first and was very loving and patient with the intimacy side of the relationship but a hiccup earlier on (me asking for an alternative when she said she wasn't comfortable with the first thing, then she did the first thing even though I tried to stop her) hung over the relationship. We talked it out though and things seemed fine. She was not very confident. She had trouble with compulsive spending on clothes and compulsive eating. She was a little erratic, sometimes being quite level and other times being a bit manic and making weird logical leaps (I asked her to enquire more about me during a harder time I was having and she thought I was having a mental breakdown). But sweet and often loving. I gave her the choice to go on a driving lesson, with me, something she was quite anxious about but said she had expressed interest in. I said "get up and come out to the car if you want to go, or stay here if you don't" and she came out. We did some really basic stuff in a car park with my hand on the handbreak the whole time. She was a little teary but I hugged her and we did some breathing. It lasted all of 10 mins. A month later she said she wanted further lessons and I said she could ask me anytime and there'd be no pressure about any of it. The hiccup above and the lesson were two reasons she broke up with me: allegedly I was very pressuring. She also said I was unsafe because I walked towards her while I was angry once after she had accused me of using her for sex (I was going to open the door or hug her depending). There's more...but I wanted to know if this sounds like mental health issues?

Daisyxo Sinking into a black hole with no intimacy
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, in my younger years I struggled alot with depression . As I've grown older I've managed to controlit and accept my feelings. I've been in a stable place mentally for the last 6 years . I'm 30 years old. 9 months ago I met my partner thro... View more

Hi everyone, in my younger years I struggled alot with depression . As I've grown older I've managed to controlit and accept my feelings. I've been in a stable place mentally for the last 6 years . I'm 30 years old. 9 months ago I met my partner through an online platform, we began seeing each other from different states until 3 months ago I moved to be with him. We have not had sex once the last 3 months , after 3 weeks I had to ask what was going on as he would turn away ebery time itried to kiss him for too long . He told me stress, days and weeks passed as I got more and more down on myself. I found myself retracting, closing up etc he would see how hurt I was but he could never give me an explanation. Fast forward to now, I've managed to get an insight into why which I won't discuss here but it may take months for us to have a sex life again and that's only a maybe. He still only tells me th3 bare minimum and each day I feel myself getting more depressed sinking into this hole. Along with thus there is zero intimacy , he has not kissed me properly, passionately once since I arrived 3 months ago - I've brought this up, he says he doesn't want to lead me on and disappoint me if I want more. ... ( let me add, he is very affectionate, hugs kisses on the cheek etc but nothing more than a peck) Living with the man I'm in love with who can't show intimacy , who can't kiss me or even share a moment with me is breaking me. We are now isolated together and I'm finding it hard to hold myself together around him, because what do I tell him if I break down, that I can't be with him if we can't have a sex life? That part isn't his fault. And how do I explain to someone what intimacy is and how the lack of it is destroying our relationship? When we lay in bed at night I wait for him to fall asleep just so I can cry. I hate it. I'm miserable but equally just as happy! I've met someone so compatible with me in every other way. This battle in my head is driving me crazy. I don't know how I can be ok in a relationship with a man who can't kiss me .

GeorgieD Trouble letting go of narcissist
  • replies: 8

Hi. i don’t know who to talk to about this as no one understands how I feel about my ex because it’s hard for people to understand trauma bonding if they haven’t ever experienced it before. I was with a narcissistic addict. He was my boyfriend when I... View more

Hi. i don’t know who to talk to about this as no one understands how I feel about my ex because it’s hard for people to understand trauma bonding if they haven’t ever experienced it before. I was with a narcissistic addict. He was my boyfriend when I was 14, then 10 years later we got together for just under 2 years. We have been broken up for 3 months now. He literally put me through hell mentally..how can I still feel love toward him?! I just don’t understand, when I think of him I have to remind myself of all the bad otherwise I’m obsessively thinking about him..I haven’t reached out because I know I can’t. We had a really bad cycle of breaking up and getting back together, he just always knew what to say to drag me back in. He is just always in my head no matter what I do. I just want to know how he is feeling with all of this, does he think of me how I think of him? Did he really love me the way he says he did. Is there anyone else going through the same thing? I need someone who understands to talk to about it because I can’t talk to my friends because they hold it against me and I just don’t feel comfortable.

kleighe Living in a toxic household
  • replies: 2

Hey guys, this is my first post! I'd love some advice from you regarding my current living situation. I live with my aunt her partner and her 2 teenage daughters. I moved interstate and had the impression I would be living in a stable and supportive ... View more

Hey guys, this is my first post! I'd love some advice from you regarding my current living situation. I live with my aunt her partner and her 2 teenage daughters. I moved interstate and had the impression I would be living in a stable and supportive household. It was that up until 6 months ago. The oldest daughter has been holding a grudge for 3 months and hasn't spoken a word to me, the other daughter has just recently moved home and there is no communication between myself and the two daughters. I have spoken to my aunty about the situation at hand and nothing has been resolved, it is so toxic. I recently lost my hours at my job due to the corona virus and yesterday my aunty expressed that she is financially struggling and I need to make more of effort with finding a job and basically blamed me for the situation, I stated it's out of my control what more could I do? The situation at hand is effecting me mentally and it is exhausting. My health is taking a huge hit for this and I don't know what to do. I can't afford to move out, it is a future plan but I wish I had better feelings about leaving the house on good terms with my aunty. My aunty has been my biggest support since a very young age and I've always turned to her for support but I feel so unsupported and neglected right now. I love my aunty to bits but I deserve better than this, any suggestions?

QuietLily I don't know what to do
  • replies: 1

So my now ex and I had been together for 4 years. We often said we were basically soul mates, as we got along so well, had so many interests in common and we've never really had an argument. For about a year or so though the relationships been rocky.... View more

So my now ex and I had been together for 4 years. We often said we were basically soul mates, as we got along so well, had so many interests in common and we've never really had an argument. For about a year or so though the relationships been rocky. We've technically split up and got back together a couple of times, we keep getting stuck in a rut with our relationship. We've broken up again, but this time he's actually moved out back to his parents so we can get some space. We've basically agreed that we don't work well together at the moment, since we've found ourselves stagnating, not really doing much to benefit ourselves, we've gained weight, become really lazy and we feed off each others bad habits. But through everything, I really am afraid to lose him. We've tried working things out as a couple but we don't have it in us at the moment it seems to keep a relationship going, we'd both rather focus on just ourselves. But I'm afraid that when we reach those goals and have bettered ourselves that he will have either moved on or not want to be with me anymore. Should I just try and move on? With how many times we've broken up and got back together, I'm scared to talk to him about things in case he things I'm trying to get back together right now, and get annoyed or something. I don't know what to do. Deep down I really do love him, we spoke so much about getting married, starting a family in a few years, getting a house together but now there's nothing and I don't want to end up losing him.