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Mixed signals & confusion

PsychedelicFur
Community Member

Hey there,

Recently I have been starting to get closer to someone at university.

However, I am receiving some mixed signals.

Sometimes this person seems genuinely interested in me. And then there are other times where they are quite awkward around me when their group of friends are with us. Why could this be? Sometimes they even seem disinterested when they are with their friends.

Perhaps, I am overanalysing and thinking a little too much about it all though. See here is the other thing, they even drop subtle hints sometimes. For instance - they raise their eyebrows at me, they also smile frequently at me and we even cuddle. However, I’m still quite confused and I am receiving so many mixed messages.

Then I receive even more mixed messages though - they don’t seem to message me first. Yet they always view each and every single one of my social media stories. I’m so very confused.

Needed to vent,
PF.

20 Replies 20

The_Bro
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi there PF!

Needed to vent? That's perfectly OK, we all do from time to time.

So that person follows you on social, allows cuddles and gives other signals. These signals are confusing you and little wonder.

Time to cut to the chase I think - not wanting to know you in front of friends is a worry, but the other signals certainly give you permission to ask if there's any interest.

It can be a little bit scary, but pick your moment, make it clear you want to ask an important question, then ask how they feel about dating you on a regular basis to see how things go! Yes you can say that you are interested in seeing more of that person too.If the reply is negative, stay very cool, don't get defensive, and ask to remain friends.

Then at least you will know what's going on instead of letting it fill your head as it probably is.

I tried this a few times over the years and got a positive response most of the time. On the occasions when I was let down with a negative response, we cleared the air and even managed to stay in the same group of friends.

So get rid of your confusion and go for it you fierce woman!

Life is too short to be wondering around not knowing.

Good luck, I look forward to hearing what you think and do!

The Bro

Hey The Bro,

He is awkward with around me when he is with his friends. He sits right next to me in class. Whilst his friend sit away from him.

he also gives some very long hugs to me. One was on the train near his friend.. so I am very confused. Hah!

jaz28
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi there,

Confusing signals are so annoying, I feel you! The only thing I have found that works is to be straightforward, if you want to!

Would you feel comfortable asking him about his feelings towards you? It is scary because of the possibility of rejection, but I think it is better to know for sure. It's not fair to be led on and confused as you are. I have been there.. not ideal.

I hope it works out,

Jaz.

Baljit
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi PF,

Firstly, its fantastic that you are able to share your inner feelings with this group.

From my own passed experiences, dealing with mixed signals and emotions was and is extremely exhausting, frustrating and confusing.

I think it’s time for you to remove this confusion, and only if you feel comfortable you need to be brave and have a open, honest and respectful conversation with this person so that you can both share how you feel.

Regardless, of the outcome at least that confusion will be removed.

Good luck and all the best

Well that's encouraging development PF!

Sounds like he may be quite shy? He is probably desperate to date you but afraid to ask!

Be a brave woman and ask if he would like to go on a date and be a steady boyfriend.

I am actually excited for you guys, loving to hear how you get on!

The Bro

PsychedelicFur
Community Member

My gut is telling me now that he doesn’t like me. He isn’t very responsive with his messages to me. It’s very one word answers and he very rarely asks me questions - like I will ask “how are you?” And he will says “I’m alright.”

And he very rarely initiates messages with me... I’m confused🤔🤔🤔🤔 Maybe he doesn’t like me in that way. Although, he hugs me tightly when we are in person. And he blushes around me and he is always extremely awkward in person. And he complained about how he was hot, temperature wise, recently in class. And it was not warm in the room at all. And he had to take his jumper off. He was sitting literally next to me then. He also raises his eyebrows when he looks at me. And he smiles so much. He also gulps fast when we hug? I’m very confused.

This is all very complicated 😦😬

Hi psychedelic Fur this is such a hard thing to know whether someone likes you or not.I have been through this and my regret is not telling the person how I feel and that I like them.I regret not telling them.My suggestion is to tell this person you like them and ask them if they are interested in you.Life is so short and I know this can be do hard to ask around and tell them but what if they are interested What gave you to lose.If I was young again I would take a chance in life.

Hi PF,

Sounds like it is really hard to know what's going on. I do agree with the other sentiments in the thread, that trying to read lots of gestures and non-verbal cues may be a bit of a guessing game, and that asking may be a safer bet.

How would you feeling about reaching out honestly and seeing what you get back? If they like you too then you get to explore things, if they don't you have some clarity and can feel less confused. I know when I was interested in a friend a while back, I thought it could get real awkward if I brought it up and they weren't keen.

In the end I did it anyway because I liked them and was struggling to get past it without an answer. They didn't like me back but they were lovely about it and we are closer than ever. Their boyfriend is also really nice and we have become close friends too!

Let us know how you get on,

Yorke

PsychedelicFur
Community Member

So I messaged him recently and asked him if he would like the idea of us just catching up for lunch sometime on a day that we have no classes and just us. He agreed to it. He said ‘yes, that would be good.’
However, he might just be thinking of it as a friendly catchup. Maybe he doesn’t think of me in that way though??

Although he did say that he would love to keep in contact once we finish this particular course.

Although the text messages seem to be brief. I’m still so confused??

I then said we will have to organise a time, date and place. And he replied with ‘yes, for sure!’

He calls me ‘Very Sweet’ and he says my hair is ‘lovely.’ And he says I look lovely.
And he called my favourite jacket cute the other day...?? I’m so confused, ARGHHHHH!!! And he told me that I could cry to him if ever I needed to. I’m still confused though.

PF. Hope I did well! Haha.