Marriage turmoil

[KateH]

I have been married to my husband for over 25years.  He worked away on a DIDO (drive-in/drive-out) crazy "lifestyle" roster for 15 years. I was the one at home  raising kids, working part-time etc.   Since he resigned from the roster work and came back home (now over 3 years ), we have been struggling to keep our relationship going.   I truly love where we live and I don't want to leave here but I am unable to maintain it on my own.  I asked him to go to counselling with me 2 years ago and he refused.   He brought the counselling idea up to me  recently and said that he will go.   He is now trying to rescind on this.    He has been verbally abusive and once (recently) threatened to punch me because "I stir him up".   I know I am not perfect and I have been holding myself in because I never know when "Hyde" will surface.   At times, life will be smooth..   I just don't know if this is part of a long term relationship cycle  - a "bad patch" or if this marriage is over.    I don't know that anyone has answers -  I know that I am the one to make the decision but I just had to get it out.  

[white knight]

Hi welcome 

I think its more likely a bad patch and he could be struggling with normal hours.

My first suggestion is to attend counselling yourself. The benefits are-

1. Whatever imperfections you have might display themselves 
2. Any he has might come to light
3. He will wonder what is being said and hes likely to ask

But my best suggestion is for you not to reveal any content of your meetings. "You can come along if you want to know" is a good answer. 

Any threat of violence of what you described is DV. Your marriage is heading in the wrong direction. 

I hope that helps

TonyWK