Marriage breakup + kids
So my wife and I met in high school and have been together for 24 years, married for 14 years. Over the past 8 years or so (after second child, now 😎 was born, we have had some ups and downs. I would just sometimes have a go at her about random stuff; money, clothes or food. Then she would try and talk to me and I was too pigheaded and wouldn't really listen.
Now the time has come where she has had enough and wants to sell our new and amazing house, separate into smaller houses/units and rent. We share the custody of our two kids. I am really scared about telling the kids and don't think I can be there for that process. They will be devastated.
I have been trying to say sorry to my wife via emails, text, chatting, video montages and poems but she tells me to stop and that she doesn't love me anymore. She said as I keep hassling her about getting back together, she doesn't even like me and the thought of talking to me or seeing me makes her physically ill. She also said that because I am making her angry, the shared custody will be so much harder.
I have been trying to show her over the past few weeks the new me. I have been calm, positive (as best I can in this situation) and more composed. I would sometimes shout at the kids for being silly but now I use a calm voice always (even when they test my patience).
I haven't been sleeping much and not eating hardly at all for 5 days (lost 4.5kg), due to being nauseous and anxious.
We have just communicated over email and she doesn't even want me to talk to her anymore or make dinner or hot drinks. I responded with I would like to keep doing it. I told her I still love her and apologise a lot for making her angry, when that is not my intention.
I am really scared of not being with her anymore and not living her. I love her so much, even when she verbally attacks me and says she doesn't love me anymore.
I can't rely on my parents as they are away and my wife and my parents never really got along. They kind of caused a lot of the tension and some of the reasons we fought.
How am I going to get through this?
Thanks for the post.
Yeah so hard. I want to get out but trapped. And exW is not coming to the party with the parenting plan/orders. Once that is sorted, then I can move out. She keeps complaining about living here and wanting to sell but not willing to meet me halfway with anything.
And I have to wait until Monday for answers from lawyer.
When it comes to lawyers, keep one thing in mind; they work for you. If your not happy with what your lawyer is suggesting, say so. You may have a better, cheaper alternative approach to the problem.
Even the best of lawyers will lead you down the yellow brick road, paved of gold, paid for by there clients. Remember lawyers are court orientated, sometimes they do not recognize other dispute resolution process, such as arbitration.
Take their advice, but make sure you are happy with that advice. In other words, don't let them do the thinking for you.
I may have had a breakthrough with the parenting plan. ExW wants to know why I want to change the weekends around in holidays and then she nay consider going with it.
The pressure and tension is getting to her.
Thank you so much for all of your help, support and advice through this journey. I really appreciate it. You are too kind
I totally understand about taking time for yourself. All the best and really hope you can be happy, supported and loved.
Please look after yourself.
Thank you once again
I am not sure whether I am doing the right thing and would appreciate some advice. I left my emotionally abusive husband late last year. My son chose to stay with him and I have my daughter with me.
Yesterday my daughter spent some time with him and he interrogated her about me and then used that to start abusing me (apparently I was exposing myself - in a shirt I have had for years and have worn in his presence without issue...all this based on the word of a 7 year old). This is not the first time for this kind of behaviour. End point was him refusing to see or speak to me, blocking me on all platforms. This is a good thing, you would think, except that now I am cut off from my son too - and he will undoubtedly continue his campaign of alienation which started when the separation became a very real concept mid-last year. EVERYTHING I do is made to sound like I am a bad person - what I wear, going shopping for groceries, having my own house, I am a bad parent ...you name it, I am in the wrong for it - anything you can imagine gets twisted and used to abuse me. Any attempt to talk gets completely stonewalled or it is immediate escalation to crazy levels.
I don't really want to go down the path of a FVRO even though there are clear grounds for it. I do think, however, that my daughter should not spend any time with him without supervision - and without legal intervention, this means me having to be there. I know this effectively means that I am stopping my daughter and him from seeing each other - because I know he WILL NOT allow me to be there or come to my house. Of course this will mean that I am accused of being at fault by taking her away from him. But, I am tired of having no rights. He gets to abuse me without consequence, tries to turn the kids against me, controls every conversation (escalation / stonewalling) and even when I do have the kids with me, he bombards me with messages and threats to suicide - and then tells me I am a bad parent for being on the phone with him. I feel like I am losing my mind over this so a voice of reason would be great! I do not feel comfortable with my son being with him but feel I have no choice there. Am I being just as bad as him by trying to limit access / limit the damage he causes my daughter and my relationship with her? Sorry if I am not making a whole lot of sense.
Anyone have any better ideas on how to manage this?