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lost my 10 year relationship

Matt13
Community Member

I'm a 44-year-old male and just over a month ago I was kicked out of my mother in laws house because I could not find work. I suffer from depression and anxiety with massive panic attacks when it comes to finding work and joining the workforce as well as social anxiety even though that has been getting a lot better for me thanks to psychologist help. It all went down in hours my ex's mother walked into our bedroom and told me to leave then my ex booked me a plane ticket and I flew back home in hours. When we got to the airport I could not even hug her goodbye I just walked away. When I got home (my mother's home where I was brought up). Since then I have gotten on welfare gotten to see a psychologist and got my stuff together as best I could. I have not talked to my ex by phone since only text she's very cold she says she still loves me and misses me but that's not enough.

The thing is we did break up before like this before but it was 2 years ago and I was visiting my mom and dad (since passed away) and my ex's mom rang my mom and said she did not want me to return. But after awhile my ex and I made up despite never getting any apology from my mother in law. Has anyone else found it hard to find work and it leading to a long term relationship breaking up and has found a way through?

2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Matt, welcome

I'm glad you wrote in. There are many issues to deal with in your post, some you can try to tackle, others more difficult.

We only hear one side of the story so please be patient with me as I itemize these problems.

I do question your motivation here in looking for work. Yes, you have mental health issues. I've got depression, dysthymia, bipolar 2 and have had severe anxiety but I worked shift work 60 hours average a week until 57yo before I could no longer work. If you have been lacking drive and not really seriously looking for work then a picture of a lazy son in law in your mother in laws presence day in day out would make her snap. If you found part time work and were trying to seek full time work and that flowed into your partner being proud of your efforts, I don't think this situation would have resulted.

I also think your partner has sided with her mother as making a bad choice with you. See, everyone is responsible for their own financial responsibilities. No one should carry another unless it is by agreement like mum staying home with the kids etc.

I suggest you do this. Find work, work hard. Keep contact with your partner/ex and see how things go. If her love for you is strong enough and her bond with her mother is no longer glued so strongly you might have a chance. All this takes time however it is unlikely to repair itself. You might have to put it down to experience. Also, moving in with parents or inlaws doesn't often work.

You've got your life sorted a lot. Great, well done. Now for the big step. Remember, getting work we all feel anxiety and can get panic attacks. The longer you remain in the job the calmer you will become.

Put all the past in the past where it belongs and kick some goals.

Tony WK

The trouble is with me it was not my motivation to find a job it was the fact that I was constantly knocked back from every job I applied for. I was applying for around 30 a week even at fast food restaurants for part time work but no. This constant rejection affected me greatly as well as my anxiety when finding work. This has been a major issue with me for years and years and led to me in my later teenage years cutting myself off of welfare because my anxiety was getting too much for me to bear.

So it was not a case of me just being lazy although I can understand without going through what I was doing 100% my mother in law could have jumped to conclusions. So in effect, it was not me looking for work that was the problem it was me being hired by the employer.

Unfortunately, I do not see any chance in the short term I could find any work at all. If I did find something and was hired I would be very happy indeed.