Lost and stuck all at once and its getting worse

[v9019509]

Hi,

 New to this. First time i have reached out so not sure how to word whats happening but will give it a go thanks to a friend who persuaded me its a good idea.

I am unhappily married which has got worse over the past few years after meeting a woman online. We talk message multiple times a day and she is also married. She has a few issues mentally and sometimes cant cope with what we have which by the way is the strongest feelings i have ever felt for anyone. It goes horribly wrong for a few days then she comes round and we are great again. She is close to being able to get away from her husband (long story) and i love her to bits and she is all i want. Recently we have just had a big fall out over this taking too long, her not being right for me due to her depression and mental issues but i keep telling her til i'm blue on the face i want her but not sure she is listening. Dont know if she is scared or just doesnt want me anymore. Make me feel worthless and all along i'm playing happy families with my wife who loves me. I want to be with my online girl but we havent even met as she wont meet til she has moved on from her partner. complicated i know and more to it. This is the gist but i just feel stuck. I want to be with this girl. she is my true love i feel even tough we havent met. she wont meet me and now its in jeopardy of not happening at all when she is in her moods where she feels like we will never be. I just dont know what to do. Christmas is approaching. Dont want to be with my wife a minute longer. Dont want to leave for someone who doesnt want me. Dont know what to do.

[JessF]

Hello v, I think you have to be very careful not to get two very separate things mixed up: one, the feeling of what a happy marriage or relationship could look like and two, the actual reality of this online relationship you have developed.  It would be, in my opinion, simply madness to go leaping into a relationship with someone you have never met, particularly when there are early warning bells going on, and I would be saying this if you were single based on what you have written.

What this online relationship has shown you is that you, like all of us, want and need to be loved by someone and have a fulfilling relationship, and that your current marriage is not the place where you are going to get those things.

If you are unhappy in your marriage, then you can leave - but that doesnt mean you have to go leaping straight into another relationship. In fact, having been there, I would not advise it.  Give yourself time to settle.  And, if I were you, I would not make any decisions until after Christmas.  Put things on hold and conentrate on your own family.

[Jacko777]

Welcome v9019509,

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time with this mate. JessF has some great advice there, especially about putting things on hold and concentrate on your own family. Have you thought of getting some advice from a professional? It could really help you right now to understand why you feel the way you do, to find some clarity about your marriage and why you are seeking love outside of it.

I wonder what you are not getting from your marriage, is it something that can be worked on? The grass always seems greener on the other side, but rarely is. You could end your marriage but that doesn't in turn mean that your online friend will leave her husband, you can't control this, all you can control is doing the right thing for your self and some professional advice and support would help you a lot with this.

Jack

[pipsy]

Hi v.  Sorry I have to say this, but 'look before you leap'.  You've not actually met this 'online love'.  Are you sure it's not someone pretending to be some else.  I recently had a similar experience where a guy from the U.S.A contacted me (how he found me, I don't know).  It was on fb.  Anyway, he basically said all the things my then hubby hadn't said for a long time.  He made me feel very loved and wanted.  He even begged me to fly to America to be with him.  Then the contact stopped, I've not heard a word since.  Luckily I hadn't done anything about flying over there.  It sounds like you may be in the same boat.  This 'online' person saying all the things you want to hear.  It's nice when someone says nice things we haven't heard for a long time, please as Jess says, don't jump from the frying pan to the fire.  If you want to leave your wife, that's your call, just don't leave for something that might not be there.  Worse still someone who's used you to possibly make her own hubby jealous.  Maybe for the time being, be happy with just talking to 'online' friend till you're more sure.