Lost and Lonely
Hi all, first time poster here
9 months ago I was in my 10th year of a relationship and woke up to my girlfriend saying asking if I was happy. At the time we were not the strongest, and I said not particularly, but I wanted to work it out. She had her car already packed, and left to her parents house interstate. A few weeks earlier, I was looking for engagement rings, so this was a huge shock and I did not know how to react. She left behind a few things and our cat. A week later, a mate moved in, so I was not really processing what was going on. I did try to message her, but only received cold texts. My mates told me that she would be in touch with me as she left me, and if not, I should try and move on. I would cry every night and wait by the phone, but never received a call. 2 months later, an old friend got in touch with me, and gave me some companionship, which was the worst thing as I was vulnerable, and I did get with this girl at this time. This person was the one girl that my ex always suspected something with, however I was always loyal. My ex found out and roasted me, and I apologized, heavily. I then told her I was looking to buy an engagement ring, and she said I should have just asked, and she would have said yes, but its all too late. I have done everything to try and get her back, expect drive up and see her. I only found out recently that she cried to my sister in law every day for weeks, and I never knew. They both used to speak bad about me, but did not know I cared and was crying too. She jumped into a relationship with another man with 2 kids recently, and has ben with him for 3 months now. I had a phone call with her last week, and she said she no longer loves me. A brutal year for me mentally, as I would cry to and from work, and thought I was doing everything I could to get her back. However all that I have found out is that I did not do enough, and I was a terrible boyfriend. It is only now that her friends spoke to me and understood where I was coming from, that I was not that bad, and I did try my best, I cared about her, and was living alone in constant depression. But it seems too late now, she just got a job in brisbane, I'm in sydney. To lose your best friend and soul mate was the worst, especially as I was not ready, was never told why, and every decision I made post was wrong. She was a beautiful girl and soul, it will be a long time before I pick myself up again
To suddenly never see her again is hard
A 10 year relationship is an extremely long one, and it must hurt so much for this to happen. I wonder if she's hurting even now, which is why she has told you she doesn't love you.
A person doesn't pack up and leave after just one incident, and I assume she must have been unhappy for some time (especially since you weren't at your strongest when she asked you if you were happy). Getting with that other girl probably made her more upset and angry. Perhaps she took it as a confirmation of her suspicions. It's really unfortunate because she had made up her mind, but you were left in shock.
I'm sorry things turned out this way, but the best thing you could do for yourself is to move on as she has done so too. Accept what has happened and don't blame yourself for this. Time will heal you, but in the meantime, keep yourself occupied and meet new people. I hope your friends and family can provide you with support during this difficult time.
Do talk more if you feel comfortable.
I am so sorry to hear you are going through all of that. It seems like you tried your best to make all of the right decisions and it always seemed to be wrong.
I am going through somewhat of a similar situation, crying every night and too and from work. I never know if I should tell my ex this as she has said she needs space. It is such a hard situation to be in - especially when you depended on them.
I am not one to offer advice in this situation as I am also hurting, but just know that there is no way you could have known what to do in your situation. The decisions you made were not wrong, I would have made the same ones.
I have called my ex once and told her I am crying every night, she said she is sorry for me but needs space and I shouldn't be making her feel guilty. I definitely think I drove her away by calling her.
Time heals all. It is great you are still going to work. Take it one day at a time my friend.
After reading your post, it struck a personal cord with me.
I can relate, well actually, a lot of us can to no surprise.
You will need to batten down the hatches and focus on you.
I want you to know that you have to be a better person, you need to learn more about you. You're probably thinking, "what is he talking about?"
Know that there is no prefect relationship. You now have one step a head of the game; you [know] that she hurt over you, cried over you, she missed you like no tomorrow. Right now, she is probably using this new fella as a way to get over you.
Chin up. You'll need to grow, work as hard as you can every single day to be happy. Every day. Learn to deal with your emotions, learn to control your thoughts - 90 % of them are usually made up projections. I want you to be the best and the happiest that you can be.
Work on your fitness, enjoy eating food, meet new people, go one some dates, become invested in new hobbies, keep your mind and your body active. And most important, do not contact her. The no contact is real but you need to be using this time to focus on you.
Lets say three months have passed. At this stage in your life, you have become the best version of yourself and you may have met someone else - that's also a mad thing.
Control needs to be balanced but you've got this. You are stronger, more caring, more determined, more intelligent, more brave, more aspiring and more great than you realise.
Commitment and value are the back-bone to life. If you commit to yourself, you can commit to jobs, relationships, goals and others. If you value yourself, you will aspire to be the best you can in life.
I have faith in you.
Be strong, be brave.