Loneliest at Christmas

[Ness_]

I am trying to find support groups in the Mornington Pensinsula that would be enable me to start meeting people who are like me. I do have family living quite close by, but over the years, with the death of both of my parents, not maintaining contact etc. I feel like a 50 year old orphin. I have one child, who is now 30 and has moved back with me for a short while to finish his studies. I pay 3/4 of rent and bills. I organised a Christmas lunch for both of us, relieved that I had him to spend Christmas with. He has just let me know that we are to take separate cars on the day as after our lunch he is heading off with his friends for the next few days. This has really hurt me, the lateness in changing plans is going to leave me totally alone on Christmas night, something I was trying to avoid. I can't reach out to acquaintances and other family members because it is so embarrassing to admit that I'm lonely. This feeling of loneliness has been with me since I arrived back in Victoria after leaving my relationship in Queensland, where I lived for 7 years. I have tried but I've found it so hard to make new friends, as most people have an established friendship group or bigger families they spend their time with. I work full time and I am now beginning my holidays and without the social contact of work I feel it is going to be very lonely. I miss not being able to talk through things with others and get some feedback and support. The more time I spend alone, the harder it is to do activities on my own that create opportunities to meet people as I think that I begin to develop slight social anxiety. I am unable to get a pet for company as I currently rent and it is not approved. The last couple of days I have been feeling quite hopeless and tired. I just have no interest in things. I know without action my situation wont change but I'm a bit lost as to the best place to begin. I am currently not speaking with my son and I'm unsure whether I will attend on Christmas. I don't fancy driving back from the city alone on Christmas day. I know I am not alone feeling worse and Christmas. I would appreciate the comments of others who may be able to understand where I'm at.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Ness#,

Welcome to the forums.

There are many people who share the feeling of being lonely, especially around Christmas time. I hope that you'll find the chance to look around and see other posts that you can join in on.

I've just done a quick search in your area and hopefully the links can pop-up. If you have trouble accessing them you can search "support groups mornington peninsula" or contact your local council/community health centre.

https://www.meetup.com/cities/au/mornington/

http://www.peninsulahealth.org.au/services/peninsula-health-community-health/mornington/ (They list support groups as part of their services and may be worth contacting)

Hope this helps

[blondguy]

Hi Ness

Welcome to the forums and thankyou for having the strength to post

You have come to the right place. We even have a thread called 'Christmas struggles' that you can post on too if you wish. I have the same problem where Christmas is concerned...ugh!

Im sorry about your son doing a disappearing act by taking separate cars. That wouldnt help. I have a 23 year old daughter that is rebelling against the world and despises Christmas. Im trying to remain somewhat positive and not have high expectations on the 25th.

I am near the location you mentioned and even though I used to have acute anxiety it has morphed into a social type of anxiety which is a pain. There must be a support group on the peninsula. I have no knowledge of one.

The Mornington Peninsula Shire offices in Mornington may have some info though

I have been a volunteer on here since January this year as have depression on and off and needed a place to talk with others as well as trying to help others that dont have the knowledge I have on anxiety/depression etc.

Feeling alone/isolated and fatigued is more common than you know...

There are many very kind people just like yourself on the forums that can be here for you 🙂

you are not in any way alone Ness

It would be great if you could stick around the forums 🙂

my kindest thoughts for you

Paul

* Another Christmas thread here is Christmas2016 Chillout Lounge

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Ness#,

Also just thought that I should mention that these links are just from a Google search; I haven't used or accessed these services before so not sure how helpful they will be.

[Ness_]

Thanks for replying to my post. I will look into that thread. It is a full-time job thinking of ways to connect with others and harder this time of year. I'm really trying not to let myself get down further. The increased social discomfort at times does pose an extra challenge. Being acknowledged and listened to and understood does help, knowing that you are not alone and that there is nothing 'strange' about your situation eases the stress. I will continue to interact with others on this site, I can be honest about how I feel instead of pretending to have it all together and feel like at least right now, there is somewhere to reach out to. When people ask me what I am doing on the holidays I just reply casually, 'Spending time with family an friends', I should add (I wish). It seems that everyone around me at the moment is looking forward to that and I want to feel like everyone else. Thank you for sharing some of your own challenges, I am also now adjusting my expectations for Christmas Day.

[blondguy]

Hi Ness, and thanks for replying too 🙂

It can be really hard this time of year. I just heard Jeff Kennett on 3AW say that "loneliness at Christmas effects tens of thousands of people" You probably know anyway that he is the chairman of Beyond Blue and doesnt get paid for doing it so good on him.

I just thought that was spot on when he said that just after 4pm today. (and good him for saying the truth)

I still have heaps of people ask me what I am doing for Christmas (which is kind and caring) and I still answer 'just a quiet one'..The social discomfort is a pain but still just 'stigma' in reality. Just for me my health is paramount, the social pain can take a back seat 🙂

my kind thoughts

Paul

[Ness_]

Yes, all lonely people who don't let others know because of the stigma, self perpetuating situation really. I moved states and it's been very hard breaking into a regular social group. I have had a terrible couple of days. No energy. Yes, it's great that Jeff Kennett publicly acknowledges how difficult it is for many people at Christmas. There are so many different reasons why people feel lonely at different times in their lives. Thanks for letting me know. Planning for how I am going to get through Christmas afternoon the best way I can.

[Ness_]

I set three goals yesterday for today. All of which I have completed. For tomorrow, I have set another three goals. I will complete those I suspect. That's all I'm doing right now and it's helping.

[blondguy]

Hey Ness

Good idea with the goals...I must remember to do same...smart move!

I have a huge Chow cross German Shepherd...I think I may give him a meat pie and some prawns for his Christmas lunch tomorrow. I have a huge beautiful fake pine christmas tree but is so big I deliberately put up a tiny 12" mini tree on my entertainment system....

Just lowering my expectations 🙂

I hope your fatigue is losing some its grip Ness.

be gentle with yourself, Paul

[Croix]

Dear Ness#~

I can relate to your predicament, as does everyone else here in this thread. I'm nor really wise enough to add much to what they have said though I did have a couple of thoughts if you didn't mind.

Firstly is there one friend or member of extended family with whom you could share time, someone you considered generous of spirit? If so might it be worth taking them at least partly into you confidence? "Things did not work out -I don't want to talk about it" may well be all you need to say.

If a friend approach me in such a situation I'd feel for them, think no less of them, and delight in reaching out. The warmth of human face-to-face contact is a balm as is giving.

Secondly a couple of threads on this site have been mentioned to you. They are inhabited by and large by people in the same situation, some with greater ongoing problems than others. Approaching those threads with the idea, when appropriate, of lending your strength, perhaps with humor, perhaps with relating experiences, perhaps with - well I don't know, your strengths are different from mine.

Thirdly do any of the charities in your area (St V's etc) need a hand?

I wish you peace and surprising happiness this season

Croix