FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

living alone

Guest_1584
Community Member

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?

No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.

l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.

It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.

But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.

This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.

But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

 

741 Replies 741

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

I really hear you. Loud & clear.

Is it a red flag? Behaviour you hadn't seen before?

Big hugs

Cmf x

Guest_1584
Community Member

Thank cm,

Nah and l know she's going through big big stuff and it puts us under terrible strains and we're not ourselves and might say stupid things. Even em said through all of hers she was basically very similar to gf.but even so ldk. l just don't know which parts are real any more well , l'm really starting to wonder and seeing a pattern that's becoming a real worry.

Anywayyyy. l'm trying to keep some distance let her deal with her stuff and maybe we'll see later. ldk.

big hugs

Lots of tossing and turning about everything.

l've wanted us to fight for us , overcome, work it out, work through this hard period. A bit like your doing cm with you and m and your situation there. Your hanging in there despite having only 1 or 2 days or a night a wk over 3yrs now and the situation at his place. l admire and understand you making this stand with your relationship and that's exactly what l've been trying to do and have wanted to do with ours.

The trouble is , with some of the things she just sprouts out , lt's felt this last 12mths as if that's been more me than her and l don't understand it with the way she's always talked about her love . Or the way she's always until this last 12 mths said it's all life for us. Because lf l'm honest , really we wouldn't have even made it this far if it wasn't for me persisting and turning a blind eye to her other words sometimes through this last 12mths. That stuff from a wk ago was only the last of many over this last 12mths , among all of the how much she loves me too and her all life talk.

l can't keep fighting for us and turning a blind eye to that talk , can l ? Ad that's the problem. And instead of gaining the trust l've needed from day one in this over time , l feel like after 3yrs l trust it all less than ever bc of her back flips and turns. Are they just her situation and frame of mind bc of it, l''m probably less sure now than 8mths ago give things she's come out with.

Tbh ,l'm at a loss as to how to handle things from here right now. Stay away , see what happens once her cases are through , give up entirely , or what. Things she's said are for some reason really starting to hit home lately where as earlier through this , sure as eggs she'd be back to all lovie next minute as fast as she back flipped .

Trouble is , it's been killing my trust right through and to the point now that l feel like l can't take her feelings when she is on the level, seriously or trust it.Maybe she doesn';t have the character to ride out marriage goods bads highs and lows. l'm really starting to doubt it.

rx

Or maybe it is all the stress and hardness she's been living and coping with added to that , a relationship van be a pressure she feels responsible for and can't cope with .

This is why l've let it go right through and the love has returned soon enough, but l'm starting to doubt it after the last time.

rx

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi rx,

You make valid points. Could this be how she handles challenges? My concern is how much it's all hurting you.

I wish I had an answer but I understand why you want to leave/stay.

Have you thought of writing a 'letter' like I did? Get it all out of your system, write what you'd like to say to her?

Big hugs

Cmf x

Guest_1584
Community Member

Hiya cm.

That's the exact thing l was getting at and l've thought 100 times this is just part of it. lt's also come out at other times to even when she's been down here at my place.

You know , she's been an absolute wonder woman with her situation, mind boggling but she's hung in there.She's never worried me in situations. l know she'll be the last one standing seen it many times just like with all her troubles atm. Relationship wise though on the other hand, she's never seemed to have much patients with any problems or compromises , there's a bit of history before too and nothing lasting. Past is past but the shortness or them has worried me piecing things together.

rx

But , she also has never really loved somebody before either , not in that actually "in love" way. So if you weren't actually in love you wouldn't fight for the relationship or marriage.

Still , she is with me yet still comes out with these things and doesn't seem to have much tolerance in riding out storms. lt is really complicated though bc of the situation she's in , and also in that l didn't commit properly to her earlier and wanted more time. That effected her a lot bc she just felt like l should have wanted to and she just didn't seem to understand how l needed time.But she also just couldn't seem to understand either that bc of her situation l also needed to protect myself to until we know for sure.

This stuff still often comes out now even if only between the lines in other things. l must admit it's sometimes like she doesn't believe l truly want us bc l wouldn't commit earlier and self sabotages. Added to the fear of her situation , she is so scared it won't work out, poor thing.

rx

Well we talked a little bit this morng. So nice, l've missed her and us so much.

And after all that ranting l can see why things have been, sometimes your just too close at the time for a clearer picture. She's a mess and not up to too much , she just wanted to give me some hugs kisses and misses. Things have been going on but we didn't talk about it it's too much for her atm. l do think it's a combo of things l was just saying though and she's just scared.

l'm tossing up whether or not to go see her , to hold ea other again will remind us of what we're doing this for, remind us and give new energy, but l'm not sure , it might make things harder for her.

rx

rx

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey rx,

One thing I know for sure, and from my experience. When you reconnect properly ie mentally & physically. You get a good sense of how you feel & if the person is right. As you know,this happens with Ms all the time. Talking on the phone we vent, let out feeling of frustration . We're a little disconnected etc but being together, seeing, highing etc is a whole different ball game. You realise how good you are together, you appreciate each other, you reconnect.

Some food for thought...

Big hugs

Cmf x

Guest_1584
Community Member

For sure, and so much time apart now, it's almost blurry. We've really needed it so badly for so long now.

rx