living alone

[Guest_1584]

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?

No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.

l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.

It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.

But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.

This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.

But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

[Guest_1584]

Nothing is simple about any of our whole situation , is that even in itself telling me something ? l do wonder , absolutely.

How real is straight forward , that could be just easy and we've all met all so easy when looking for love but all so easy is often lacking in something else. There is also a line l think in difficulties too though , like how hard should it be before it's maybe just not meant to be ? l have wondered don't worry.

A lot of doubts right now. After all this time and many ups and downs and keeping it going Long Distance and with all of her on offs and about faces and back agains but now, another 12mths. lt's a big ask of myself at this stage considering she has hardly been reliable, chops and changes like the damn weather and then there's her situation, who know what the out comes going to even be , still not even the lawyers can say .

The problem is in doing even more time - "trust" . In the situation , in her bc she's turned on a sixpence so many times, in the fact we haven't spent more than a few days together in over 12 mths .

No wonder l'm all over the place.

rx

[CMF]

Hey rx,

Your feelings are justified & very valid. At the same time, I can understand why you've held on so long. At our age w we don't wanna start all over again we'd rather hang on to the good & hope for the best.

It has been sooooo long for you. I often wonder if I could do it & I reckon I'd probably do same as you. Question is, if things don't work out, would you like to try & meet someone else? Do you want a partner/companion or would you be happy to go it alone & see where your journey takes you? Are you confident the moods will settle down, or is this the real her?

Lots to consider. You're amazing with the way you've held on so long. Time to make yourself the priority.

Big hugs

Cmf x

[Guest_1584]

Ah cm , thanks for that.

ldk about amazing though thanks all the same, a bit silly maybe l think. We've tried though bc of well feelings for one of cause but what means even more to me though strangely but bc it's so important in my weird world yet so rare to find, is that we just live the same and love the same life. There's such a knowing, a peace, it's a really beautiful thing and way to live. Mind you it all feels like a distant memory lately though that even feelings are hard to distinguish lately it's just been so long now. You begin to not even know if it's all even real anymore. You both tend to block a lot and be half but half out too just trying to get through really and to cope. And then there's the maybe her cases don't go our way either on top of it so your both everywhere. No wonder she goes so ratty up there.

But nah, l def' couldn't be bothered meeting anyone else not consciously anyway or starting over, it'd have to just happen naturally. l would like to remarry though this much l've realized last few yrs , we both want to.

With this latest l'm back to square one though tbh l know, no choice. We def can't just go on another yr like this with her stresses, mine, the weirdness of it all, l know we couldn't and it could well be into 2023 with any more hold ups.

we were talking about me going up in Feb, to just see ea other again , be real , together again, and then l don't know, take it from there. Now though l'm wondering maybe it's not a good idea bc another 12mths, man.

rx

[CMF]

I don't know if can either. Yours is 12 months, mine could he years.

I hate that you & I are in relationships that are dependent on the decisions of others to move forward.

We are both in limbo. We both have lovely partners but these partners circumstances affect us emotionally, mentally. We want & need to be with them under normal circumstances to see if things will work out but others are pulling the strings.

Do we sit & wait,hoping it will work out? Do we move on for our for the sake of our own mental health & happiness? Do we call them out on the BS they're putting us through? Are they worth risking the wait to see who they really are in a 1 on 1 relationship without others controlling things? Are they always gonna sweep the difficult things under the rug, pretend it wasn't spoken about? Are we expected to sit & wait indefinitely?

I can't even breathe properly. I feel like I'm suffocating in this.

[Guest_1584]

Ah cm , strange l just finished saying on yours that exact thing , you guys haven't even had the chance to find those things out in all this time yet.l glanced this one a few days back then forgot about it though but yeah , that is really big concern of mine too.

l mean we've had a few mths at a time together day in and out , real life me working and everything , l work at home, just us , and also with my daughter one time too. And l mean it was mostly really nice for sure but at the same time , true colours, only a few mths a few times in 3yrs , really it's not much. We have done incredible with the long distance stuff though , except when she starts spinning which with her stuff that's understandable well , now anyway thanks to you guys , but you know , tbh it's also a little bit scary bc maybe she gets like that in real life , haven't had enough in person to know..

So anyway , strangest thing happened for her saturday. Late afternoon of all times, on a long wkend. First the lawyer calls her , tells her she's found new appointment times and she can get her into them in a few wks, instead of 8mths. Then , this one nearly gave her a heart attack, after nearly 3 yrs, an hr after the lawyer call , bloody immigration themselves called her, in person , on a late Saturday arvo after nothing for nearly 3yrs.

Anyway, crunch of it all is that the time spand has been cut right down to only a mth or so again now. So as of the moment after both these calls she'll know better next week but it's back atm to everything , the whole night mare , possibly all done and settled within about 6wks time. Mind you , it's been back to that 3 or 4 times first one was 2yrs ago , but this one atm , looks for real. Wow !

Poor things been shaking like a leaf all wkend since.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Maybe the immigration people are working from home , covid , so she gets a call any old time, just a thought.

But yeah , l hate it too for us both. Hard to believe really isn;t it but one thing l've learned , new relationships at this age come with complications. You wouldn't think they would but it doesn't seem too many people out there have a nice clean cut and dry life going on at this age does it, not starting a new relationship wise anyway.

After this latest turn for us now l've just really gotta wonder just wth. In which direction is it a sign, yaknow. ? l mean this last wk, l'd basically come to terms finally , like seriously coming to terms, of just having to give up. Another yr maybe longer , we couldn't do it under all the circumstances. Now a complete U turn , again, over night. That's happened about 10 bloody times talk about a roller coaster.

Every time l've made up my mind or be it thinking there's just no choice or other way to go, it's happened again. You would think that is trying to keep us together and holding on l suppose , wouldn't you. But like you said cm , l really just don't know bc some bureaucrat with a stamp and a pen could still take it all from us in one second.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Well , she's flipping about again already. This morning she told me she's too sick to have a relationship and that l should go and meet somebody else. 3hrs later she's changed it to we should wait and talk when her cases are done . And tonight she sent me cheap air fairs on sale next wk and that l should fly up instead of drive. Ahhh darlin, just this morning you told me to go meet somebody new.

Just another day in the life. She's a mess and the poor things nerves are completely shot she's all over the shop and trying new meds that seem to making her worse.

Anyway, l'm swaying toward the mid arvo one , we talk when her cases are done.

rx

[CMF]

Oh gees,

I know how hard this must be for you. Up/doe, yes/no, in/out, happy/sad.

I wish I had advice but I think go with what your heart says.

Big hugs

Cmf x

[Guest_1584]

Hiya cm.

Yeah l realize how crazy that sounds and all in one day , but what can l say. She not like that here in person she's one of the sharpest intuitive steadiest people l've ever met , and very focused , very straight to the point . Even she worries she'll go mad with everything this has put her through up there.

Anyway , when l read that back l'm thinking no ones even gonna believe this l'm the crazy one though for even trying to deal with it atm , with everything else she's going through. So l've been thinking best thing l could do for both of us is step away and let her get through her stuff, try to get on with my life for now . No doubt l'll be the first one she calls when it is all over and maybe we see then.

Big hugs

rx

[Guest_1584]

Tbh

l've also had quite a bit of resentment , anger , disrespect creeping in to with all this flipping crap and just saying whatever brain fart floats through her head on the day. l mean a man that loves her, is trying to support her,has been waiting all this time without even having a real relationship, heart and time on the line over 12mths- yet she thinks she can just go on off and say anything she likes as if it's water of a ducks back to him.

rx