living alone

[Guest_1584]

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?

No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.

l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.

It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.

But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.

This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.

But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

[Guest_1584]

Hi cm , and thanks for that.

Yep , gonna have to do something for sure, may have already actually. l can't go on dealing with pointless bs the way she's being again lately. And after the yr she's had, God almighty talk about self destruct.

Ya know, been a hard 9yrs but the last few on the big basics has all paid off and l've built a very cruizy set up. The house is very chill, an easy pt business, easy hrs l can do what l want mostly and to top it off dozens of people even gf herself many times too , have said all that even chuckled and even envied it. There's been life worries yeah mh, d stuff, but the big main basics are pretty damn sweet.

Well , l reminded her of that the other day and of the dozens of times even she'd told me all that herself. Bc if she doesn't want to just be happy and "help" and enjoy , live , then it's time to part ways bc l'm not living with the other bs day in and out bringing me down.

But l know she can't help herself and even if she does back up for awhile it'll only be a matter of time before she back tracks again as she's done it 3yrs now. Sooooo, that's probably gonna be that.

rx

[jtjt_4862]

Heya RX,

Sorry to hear you're not doing too well :(. My thoughts are with ya bud. Negativity can be contagious. Sometimes I feel it's a way for someone to vent out frustration, and just wanted to be heard and understood by someone. But it does wear me out if I hear the same thing over and over again, only to be thinking "Well... are you going to do anything about it?". May be it's just men's mentality... Whenever there's a problem, we find a way to solve it. While women tend to seek for emotional connection (even if that means ranting and not doing anything about it).

Anyways, it's been a long journey for ya mate. Whatever decision you'll be making that you feel is best for you, you have my full support. Take care of yourself

Jt

[Guest_1584]

Hi jt .

And yeah , some , and many other reasons, but with others it's just a part of their personality, gf . She does also thrive on the stimulation of the back and forth bs that negativity can bring to if you fall for it- until the other one, me, just gets fed up with it.

Anyway , lm afraid that decision has been and gone, l'm not dealing with it anymore, it's just too ridiculously soul destroying and draining.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Unfortunately , she just can't see these parts of herself and how it effects me , or of how exhausting it is, such a shame. Bc if she could she could work on fixing it a bit it'd be ok , well a lot actually, but a person can't or won't fix what they can't even see or acknowledge.

lf she did turn around and try ,see it , acknowledge it, the door could still be open. But the problem is that's the very thing and the straw breaking the camel bc it's become very clear lately that even after over 3 yrs and miles and miles of convos , she still just can't.

rx

[Guest_1584]

There is one thing , l wonder if she'd be better again in person bc we've been apart so long. She wasn't actually bad in those ways in person if anything she was usually pretty bright and happy. She always goes ratty when she's up there understandably, l just wish it'd come out in a different way.

rx

[CMF]

That's a good point rx,

As you know, when I don't see M, I'm cooped up & can't do my normal things, I get pretty ratty. Maybe it's a female thing? The loss of connection? Despite her moods/behaviour how's the connection been for you? She may feel you're going about normal life & she's missing out which can cause a feeling of hopelessness.

Just thoughts to ponder.

Big hugs

Cmf x

[Guest_1584]

Yeah def' .

And we do , it's pretty amazing we even survived this long with everything we've both been going through on top of it. l have known 6mths now we jsut need to be together again first of all and feel ea other for real again butttt, unfortunately we just haven't been able too and now even my trip up after Christmas has fallen through.

Weird you use that word actually too , she's even used the word hopelessness in her court statements .

But l dunno , it still feels hopeless with the way she's been and now more delays.

Big hugs

rx

[Guest_1584]

And on it rolls.

She called yesterday, not getting far am l once again. She had news on her cases but l must admit. Firstly when she's not all over the shop man, there's no one else l've ever felt so comfortable with. We just bounce straight back into the us l just know and love, which of course has made me doubt yet again everything l thought l'd finally had all worked out. God almighty, what are they trying to do to me.

The good news is these damn court cases are so close to done now. She only needs two lots of paper work and with those presented she'd then have results of the whole saga , within possibly a mth to 6 wks. And there shouldn't be as it stands atm, any more courts these just go into the departments concerned through the lawyer and the outcomes are decided from there. So she's basically through it all , even these documents she has to get are really no big deal. Except !!!!!!!!

The bad news is and we just can't bloody believe it, the nearest appointment the lawyer can get so that she can get one set of those documents, isn't until the bloody 9th/22 there's Covid back logs again. So added to the processing time needed between lawyers, courts and decisions once she does eventually get her hands on the documents, this will now go back to taking still around another 11-12 mths, and that's only providing there aren't any other hold ups.

Wonder if anyone would mind if l filled the 1000 or so characters left here with swearing !

Sooooo. lt now looks back to whatever the case with us doesn't matter, she'll still be stuck up there another 12mths anyway. She could stay down at mine while she's waiting if we did wanna go on but every time she's started planning that the lawyer needs her again it's happened 4 times over the last 12mths, so she's scared to leave now.

Are the Gods trying to stop us , or what ?

rx

[CMF]

Geeeeeeees, yeah what is going on? Something out there is keeping you apart for sure. There's hope, then there's facts.

So in those 12 months ahead could you spend time together? Would she have the freedom to live ' normally '.

You know that I can relate from my last post on mine. You're right, some things (people just won't go away)

It's so...defeating.

Cmf x

[Guest_1584]

God yeah cm, something really just does not want this, l can't believe it, but l can.

You see too l couldn't work out how my gut on it all taking at least the rest of 22 was so far off bc it's not usually wrong. But boom, her cases came up totally out of the blue just before Xhristmas and bang, it all looked done by Feb 22. l couldn't believe it great news though but how was my gut so far off, and now this. So we are still another 12mths anyway and now it makes sense. Wish it didn't just this once, but it does ! Can't believe it though none the less, and this next12mths will be worst for her than this last yr, more stuck limbo anxiety, no life being apart, pressure. She'll be even more all over the shop and ratty and unsettled than last yr. l couldn't do another 12maths of that.

But yeah if we could at least spend some time together somehow ? lt's complicated with her flying anxiety but also the situation up where she's staying if l go there. l don't know.

We'll have to see. rx