Lack of empathy from sibling

[AnotherRandomUser]

My sister never seems to care about my feelings or well-being. I'm not sure if its intentional or if perhaps she has a genuine problem showing empathy.

She messages me about her life, feelings, and well-being and I show active interest in her life.
But then she never asks me about my life other than the typical "how are you?" and "what have you been doing?" but even then never responds to my answers.

There's no "Im sorry youve been sick, I hope your doing okay" Or "Im glad you and your friends had fun" Or "Ive missed you lately, I hope your good." There's no emotion, and no follow up questions.

I either get "okay," no response, or she'll just keep talking about herself.
There is never ever any mention of her feeling anything towards me, or having any interest in my life.

I've tried telling her how I feel about this but she doesn't understand at all. She just says she does care and she shouldn't have to prove it. Ive tried to tell her that she does have to prove it because my feelings matter, and how am I supposed to know she cares if she never tells me.
She will then say she'll consider my feelings more in future, but nothing changes.

I dont know what to do at this point. I tried asking her to get therapy, hoping maybe a therapist could explain it to her. But she refuses.
And I still dont know if its intentional or not. Like maybe she really doesn't care about me, and I'm trying to salvage a friendship that doesn't exist!?

I feel hurt though, I feel like if I disappeared tomorrow she wouldn't even notice. She thinks so little of me its like I don't even exist sometimes. Even when I've ended up in hospital; she doesn't call me, she doesn't worry about me, she doesnt react at all. When I ask her why she says "I was busy" or "I forgot." Theres literally no emotion, and she doesnt seem to get why it matters.

Should I give up? I love my sister, but I often wonder if she cares about me at all.

[Croix]

Dear AnotherRandomUser~

You can't realy predict the future, while at the moment it looks almost like a full stop you never know. People are not static and events in their lives can make a surprising difference.

I think you are wise to step back for now and concentrate on those that do value and take notice of you and the other things in your life..

Incidentally "@" does not work on this forum :(. The only way to talk to someone is to hit Reply on their  latest post and address your post to them like I am doing here. If you happen to find their own thread (using search which is not straightforward) you can contact them there too

We will be very interested to see how you cope and get on

Croix (home thread Croix Parler)

[AnotherRandomUser]

Thanks for your support Croix.

Things have been tough. Since our argument she's been silent, I'm not sure if its her giving me the silent treatment or if she actually cut me off entirely. It hurts a lot.

I've been talking to therapists and looking up support online, and it seems I have likely been brought up in what is know as a "Narcissistic Family Dynamic" and I'm the scapegoat. Remember how I said my sister was the only family I had left? It's because I was abused by the others my whole life and then abandoned. The only time I hear from the others now is when I get threats from them, or when they need something.
Both my parents have been diagnosed with NPD, and my other siblings act in the same way so Im sure they have it too. They always would put me down, blame me for everything (even things that had nothing to do with me), and ignore me unless they wanted something.

The reason why I gave my sister so many chances is because she's the youngest, and since she was abused too, I thought maybe she was just acting out. But I guess she's likely narcissistic too.

Despite knowing why Ive been treated like this I admit I dont feel much better. I feel very alone in life now, all my friends are online, so its just me here. I'm still very ill, I was in hospital again this week, and Ive been crying because I know I'm going to have to face my illness on my own. Im very scared.

Thats not the reason why I wanted to get along with my sister though. When she isn't being cruel to me I really enjoyed talking to her, she was a fun person to be around. But she was only nice when she could talk about herself and about things that made her happy. Any other time, she was cold and uncaring.

Im not sure how things will go from here. Its hard, and I'm grieving. I think Im going to seek out more therapy when I can (get checked for NPD traits too considering it runs in my family), and just take it slow. I hope one day my sister will get help and we could still be friends someday, but until then I really need to take care of myself.

[Croix]

Dear AnotherRandomUser~

Actually you are not 'another random user', you are person with feelings and and deserve better than you  have been given.

While NDP may be a label for selfish people that try to give others greif it is not something that is in any way inevitable. You know the things that show you care, and offer them to others. This is not the act of a self centered and cruel person. So please do not worry about that.

It is sad your family is this way, however there are other people in the world, and you only have to find a few over time that are good and kind and your perspective will change.

My parents were self centered, rigid, domineering and saw me as a sort of extension of themselves. Eventually I realized there was no love there . We parted and I've never regretted the decision, even though it made me sad for a long time.

To be rid of toxic people is a new way of life.

Being alone and ill is frightening, no doubt about it. I hope you quickly improve

You know you are welcome here anytime

Croix

[AnotherRandomUser]

Well Im bad at thinking up usernames so it was what I stuck with, but thats nice of you, thanks.

Honestly I dont think I have NPD, I do have BPD as my emotions are often very intense. But I have gotten therapy and had CBT and DBT for it over my life. If I feel overwhelmed I often walk away until I can cope better; deep breathing and grounding. Therapists have said I likely have a poor emotional response because of the abuse I endured, I was so used to death threats when I did something even slightly wrong, I now get really worked up fast when I bother someone else because I expect more of the same. Thankfully most people are kinder than my family.

As for NPD itself, I don't believe any mental illness makes someone bad. Its only if they choose not to work on it that it can be toxic. I had a friend with NPD and we got along great. She was still very selfish but determined not to be like her dad who had NPD too, she often asked questions to see if she was going too far.

But its still upsetting my family have NPD. The trouble with NPD is how does someone who doesnt feel much empathy care enough to want to change? They may never change. To be fair, my parents were also just terrible people in general, NPD or not, so unlike my siblings I could never forgive them.

I'm sorry you saw no love from your parents either. I cut my parents off several years ago, and I dont regret it. But I do miss them despite everything, I wish I wouldn't. They were such incredibly evil people.
As for my siblings, I find that harder. They were different as young kids, we played games together and had fun. But as they got older they became less caring and more abusive. Its always been hard for me remembering how close we used to be, and knowing how they treat me now.

But maybe things will be okay. I miss them but that doesnt mean I cant find happiness. I hope that I can overcome my health issues, and have a nice future despite it all. I hope they will be happy too, just without hurting me in the process.