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Keep making the same mistakes

Gelatobear
Community Member

I left a long term partner of 10 years 8 months ago. For the last 6 years there was no intimacy, no sex, we were essentially just close friends.

10 months ago I sort help from a therapist and medication to help with anxiety after a breakdown with a colloeague at work, and this started me thinking about the issues in my relationship.

Once I made the decision to split up and move out on my own, I have felt incredibly lonely, as we no longer have the friendship. This is especially hard when my fiends and family are in another state.

I have turned to online dating, but this has been an endless round of having my heart broken. After having had no intimacy for so long, I sleep with someone far too soon, and have them skip out / ghost me.

Im just so over feeling used, judged and disposed of, and alone, but I never learn.

4 Replies 4

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello Gelatobear, it is sad when a long term r/ship does break up, it did for me, but by sleeping with someone else was proving that you could still do it, however it seems as though it's back fired and didn't prove much except to make you even more by yourself.
There's not much else we can go on here, so perhaps what sort of activities, hobbies or places do you like going to, if we know this then I'm sure we can offer more help, but at the moment I would stay away from online dating, as it's not going to help you at all. Geoff.

Gelatobear
Community Member
Thanks Geoff, I'm working on self improvement, looking ini furthering my education, perhaps looking at meetup groups around Brisbane. I have been in the phone to my friends in Sydney who are of course very supportive, and want to encourage me. I have deleted all apps, and looking to occupy myself with something more fulfilling than relationships have been recently 🙂

hi Gelatobear, thanks so much for getting back to us and what you are doing seems to be great, plus you have been talking to your friends in Sydney and by deleting all these apps is a positive way to move forward.

I do hope that we can hear back from you as you do have a support base right here so please remember that. Geoff.

Jessicatherese94
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Hi Gelatobear, I did the whole online dating thing and it really didn't work for me either. Do you think it might be best to stay single for a while before you start dating again? Think about what you really want in a partner and even why you really want a partner. Maybe start pursuing some hobbies, I regularly go to a book club where I've met lots of people, and poetry readings etc (but it all depends on what your interests are). It's okay to be alone. Being alone and working on what you really want in life is probably exactly what you need right now. When you are ready you can try online dating again, and you'll be coming from a place of wanting to learn and build a life with someone, not from a place of loneliness. Wishing you all the best.