Just saying hi

[Marsia]

Hi to all, I am new to this community & want each of you to know how grateful I am for the open sharing & honest communication I read here. As I am new, I hope it is okay to share my story. To be brief, this is it - my hubby who drinks heavily shared 2 days ago that he tried to commit suicide about a year ago. The evening it happened, he had argued with me & my daughter and then he left the house late in the night. We didn’t know where he was for about 12 hrs and he yelled & abused us before he left that night. I was distraught not knowing his whereabouts that night & was frightened by the abuse & extreme emotions he displayed before he left. He came back the following day & was remorseful & said he regretted his actions. But he told us that he had spent the night in a nearby hotel. We believed him. The other day, due to a new stressor ( and when he was also drunk) he revealed to me that he had taken himself to the local hospital after he started to regret what he had done. While telling me, he was extremely emotional, erratic, distraught, abusive & drunk & told me that it was my fault that this had happened to him. There is more to tell but I am too upset to explain it all. The strangest thing is that he also got up the next day & went to work & now he acts as if all is okay. In fact, he said he feels fine now. I replied to him, that all was not fine but he has continued to go to work, talk to my kids (teenagers) & act as if nothing bad has happened. I am reaching out for someone who can help me - I have contacted a local alcohol & drug support service & they were lovely - I will contact them again soon. But there are many hours in the day, and I really would love to talk to one of you guys - that is, if someone is in a place where they think they can help. Thank you & blessings to all. Hugs to all xx

[geoff]

Hello Marsia, thank goodness for your son, it's always beneficial when you have someone close to you but not necessarily knowing the whole problem, a cuddle and a squeeze means the world, although it might be only for a moment, but seems like it's hours.

The appointment/s he supposedly may make, may only be an excuse to go to the pub or perhaps to one of his mate's place, which you may not be told about or lied to, I'm sorry to say that r your benefit, but anyone with an addiction never can tell the truth.

It appears as though your friends may already know by contacting you and there's no harm to open up to them, it's not your problem nor your fault, you are the one who's suffering, emotionally and financially.

If someone says to their doctor that they want to stop, then they can be helped by a being prescribed a benzo, I'm not allowed to mention the name, however, there is a particular drug when taken which stops the urge to drink, and even if the person does drink while taking these there is no benefit, no buzz like they would normally get, but will only work if the person definitely wants to stop.

I did take them for a couple of days but stopped only because I was determined to do it in my own way.

My best Marsia.

Geoff.

A gambler will only tell you how much money they've won, but not how much it's cost them, the same as an alcoholic, 'how much have you had to drink' like I was always asked but it was nothing like I said, only because I may have been chastised again, just like before.

[Marsia]

Hi Geoff, I hope you had a nice Christmas. We had a pre booked holiday which was good timing as I definitely needed a break. Had some good long talks to hubby about everything & this is probably no surprise to you but at first he said that yes, he would go to the doctor & yes, he would make an appointment with the psychologist & give up drinking etc... & he actually did drink less when we were away so I felt more at ease. But last night ( our first night back) he must’ve gotten into it again & also he has weirdly texted my daughter ( who was staying at her boyfriends house) late last night & asked her to show him all her text messages with me over the last few months!! She only told me tonight when she got home but was upset by the text which he sent very late at night (about 11 pm) & obviously after he was drunk. She didn’t reply. When I speak to him during the day he doesn’t say anything to me about wanting to see my messages with her & in fact, he acts as if everything is back on track. I’m thinking he may not even recall sending it. I am kind of worried about how upset his mind gets when he is drunk. I am not sure whether to confront him about his late night text to our daughter but feel I have to say something as it made both of us pretty upset again. Certainly welcome any further advice, Geoff. Hope you are well, M