Just need to talk

[Chrisk]

Been very lost. Lost my focus and my self esteem. Gf left me couple months ago and I'm not dealing with it very well. Feel like I lost my best friend. I've been drinking very heavily and just self destructing. I'm usually strong and very stable but I invested so much heart and soul into this relationship that it's left me a mess. Since the break up there's only been messages. No calls nothing. I just want to talk but she won't. One of her reasons was she suspected I was keeping in touch with an old gf. I wasn't. Nothing of the sort. I've been tried and convicted on pure supposition! It sux

[Chrisk]

I have family support as well as a couple good friends that have been there for me. I have good days and bad. Just when I think it's final between me and the gf I get another message. I asked her to leave me be but I doubt she's gonna stop just yet. Breaks my heart.

[Cornstarch]

Hey Chrisk,

Jealousy is a natural part of every relationship. It is nice to know that someone we're with gives a damn.

That said there is jealousy that seems to be off the scale. Is it safe to assume that your gf has no direct lived experience of the death of a parent? If that was your last parent to pass, it is quite a moment to have! It's an odd feeling when our parents pass. I'm a little shocked that your gf lacks the empathy to see that your Mum dying is a big moment, is she really young?

Jealousy can also cross over into controlling behaviour and power plays. I've witnessed one of a pair actually enjoy breaking up with their partner on a regular basis. It makes them feel on top and powerful.

I think to move forward as a mature couple she would have to seek individual therapy to address her insecurities. Everyone is insecure but there is a scale of severity.

Unfortunately we can't force someone to get help, if she blames you as %100 of the problem I can't see that working in the long term. The death of a parent is one of life's biggest moments and if she doesn't want you to receive love and support during one of life's biggest moments I don't know quite what to say expect that's a little shocking.

Good luck.

[MarkJT]

ChrisK, great to hear that you have some support there, that is very encouraging.

There is nothing wrong with your empathy that is for sure. Even though you have your own demons, you are still thinking of someone else. Very admirable.

Mark.

[blondguy]

Hi ChrisK

I really feel for you with what you have being going through. I went through the same early last year with my girlfriend.

I dont envy you (or your gf) as she has been to hell and back with some serious issues including the suicide of her husband as well.

I have a family member that cant hold a relationship together due to her low self esteem and what she has had to go through. She keeps dumping guys (or finding a reason) to 'escape' the responsibility of being in a relationship

I know thats probably not much help but its important that you know that you are not alone by any means

my kindest thoughts for you, especially for your strength to post about the pain you are going through

we are here for you

Paul

[Chrisk]

I'm the past week she's done the push me away pull me back in routine and then finally yesterday she said she'd leave me be. But I doubt it's the last I've heard from her. I want to help her but she's not even allowing me to call. Only messages. Very frustrated and depressed over it all.

[Doolhof]

Hi Chrisk,

Just popping by to say Goodaye and hope you are doing okay.

Cheers from Mrs. Dools

[159357]

Hey chrisk.

Please make sure your own mental health is ok. Mine is still in ravages after a breakup because that's where all my effort for months went. Prioritise yourself at this point. After my breakup she wouldn't message me at all unless i messaged her first. I stopped after i found out that she had become a stoner.

I wish the best of luck, don't get trapped in the pain.