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Just need to talk

Chrisk
Community Member
Been very lost. Lost my focus and my self esteem. Gf left me couple months ago and I'm not dealing with it very well. Feel like I lost my best friend. I've been drinking very heavily and just self destructing. I'm usually strong and very stable but I invested so much heart and soul into this relationship that it's left me a mess. Since the break up there's only been messages. No calls nothing. I just want to talk but she won't. One of her reasons was she suspected I was keeping in touch with an old gf. I wasn't. Nothing of the sort. I've been tried and convicted on pure supposition! It sux
16 Replies 16

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi Chrisk, I'm so sorry to loss the girl you loved, any breakup always hurts one person with so many answers which you want but you can't find them.
It's not for me to judge the circumstances in this situation but to be partial.
Can I ask why your g/friend had this thought in mind that she suspected something was going on which you deny because you were in so much love with her and wouldn't want to jeopardise the relationship.
You know there are times when people turn to alcohol, I did when I was depressed, buy yes it does make us self destruct, and it was one reason why my wife divorced me which really upset me, so is it possible to lay off the grog a little bit so that we can continue to talk so that we can try and get you over this hurdle.
I know your heart is broken because I have been through it as well. Geoff.

MarkJT
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

ChrisK, welcome to the forums and really well done coming here and posting. That's what it is here for and you are in a hugely supportive and non judgmental area.

Sorry to hear about your break up - they are never easy that is for sure.

In times where we are struggling, we need to take care of ourselves. It is so easy to drink excessively, to eat poor food and to basically self destruct. This can lead to you getting into a very nasty cycle where the longer it goes on, the harder it will to get out of.

Not saying for a minute that you can just snap out of it but please ease up on the alcohol, drink some water or another healthy drink instead. Replace bad good with some fruit - it is easy to prepare. Head out and go for a walk or a run and listen to some music or something.

Again, this will be difficult as you heart is broken and you have no answers but so many people have been through what you are going through and go on to live long and happy lives. I know that is cold comfort at the moment but in time, you will be fine.

Take care mate and as always, we are here to help guide you and help you through this process.

Mark.

Doolhof
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Chrisk,

Sorry to read about your breakup, how it happened and how you are feeling now. The guys have given you some supportive responses. Relationship breakups are never easy, especially so when you are not expecting them.

The thing is how to get back some of your focus, with that your self esteem will return.

It may help to make a list of things you usually enjoy doing. Try to add one of these to each day, if that is too hard, try to aim for a couple a week.

Keep in touch with family and friends. When a person is feeling down and depressed, one of the first things we can do is to shut ourselves away from everyone! I know I need to push myself to get out the door when I am feeling low.

Less alcohol, more exercise and healthier food all helps. Hard to do, but very beneficial.

You are messaging your GF so that is a positive. Maybe she just needs some space for a while to think things through. I know I take off now and then and leave my husband home as I need some space and time to myself.

The community here is very supportive, non judgemental and caring. Welcome to the family!

Cheers for now from Dools

johnboy_p
Community Member

chrisk

ive been through the same just recently and know exactly what you feel. as above with the others, eat well and look at things that you enjoy. Ive done this and it helps a lot. I know when I have had a drink or two, I find the next day is always that much harder, so I avoid that, which Dools above mentioned do less of.

keep talking and posting, we are all here to support as we are going through or have been through the same thing.

Johnboy

Chrisk
Community Member
Her reasons for suspecting are due to my ex who I don't love sends me the odd text or card to pay respects for the death of my mum. My gf does have esteem issues and a lot of demons as do I but I never lied to her ever. Problem is she has doubt. Yet she says it's over but continues to send me messages saying she's confused And wonders if she made right choice etc. leaves me hanging. I'd rather a yes or no. She says no then same day says maybe. Like it's messing with my head. I just want to be there for her.

MarkJT
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

ChrisK, break ups are hard and then to throw in what you have added, makes it even harder.

I don't see an issue with your ex sending a card after the passing of your mum but i think you have to make a decision. As you say, you need a yes or a no and until you get that, you are going to be in limbo.

It is admirable that you want to be there for her but your health has to be your priority. To get over your demons, you have to be able to move on.

Is there any chance that you can sit down with her and have an open and honest discussion. You could detail how her confusion is adding to your demons. It may be that you two need to spend some time apart, work on your demons and then come together down the track.

It is a really difficult situation to be in and many of us have been in them before but at the end of the day, it is your decision to make but I really want to see you get your health back.

Mark.

Chrisk
Community Member

Last couple days there's been a few messages as well as one ph call. First in 2 and half months We spoke and I thought I may have talked her into meeting up with me but ended the call with no we should go out sep ways So I left it at that later that day I get messages saying she'd been thinking about our call all day and was confused and wondered if she made the right choice I asked her to call me back but replied with a message saying she wants to just go our sep ways and we're finished She has a bad history of abuse etc from husband and he commuted suicide and that's plagued her for years she also has self esteem issues as well as trust It was lose lose situation for me I guess I have to move on but we at least wished each other well Left me very sad very very sad

sayi

Doolhof
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Chrisk,

It must be very hard on you to know that your girlfriend has come to the decision to let go.

Sounds like she has been in a horrible situation in the past. Hopefully she will come to learn to trust people and believe they care for her.

No doubt you are feeling miserable right now, that is understandable. Hopefully you have people around you to help and support you.

Do you have family and friends who you see now and then? It is so easy to shut oneself away from everyone when you are feeling depressed and sad.

Wishing you all the best in moving on from this sad event.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

MarkJT
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Chris, terribly sorry to hear of the latest developments but well done for expressing yourself and letting us know.

You are in one hell of a terrible situation that is for sure. She obviously has massive trust issues and well founded ones though so no disrespect to her. This has impacted on you massively and until she learns to trust again, there isn't a whole lot you can do.

Please take this time to make some good decisions about your own health. Don't drink excessive amounts of alcohol and don't fall into the trap of eating bad meals time and time again. You are pretty vulnerable at this stage so please, if you can, look after yourself.

Mark.