Interfering in laws

[Gothgirl87]

Hi I'm 28 married with a young daughter. I'm tired of my in laws wanting to control everything. My sister in law is a liar, snoop, bully and verbally abusive. She moved back last year. She constantly lies and turns my in laws against me. Yesterday she lied again and said I verbally abused her. What to do? She's spoilt rotten and my in laws never tell her off, unlike my husband. She always has some insult.

My mother in law is extremely pushy and controlling. She is Catholic and thinks she can judge everyone. My daughter was unplanned and I found out I was pregnant with her, after I lost my job. We were living with them. She is a complete cow and didn't remotely care about how I felt or that I was running out of savings. Now my sister in law has had trouble with her paid internship. Yet they're worried about and she is in nowhere near dire circumstances as I was. What to do? Both completely cross boundaries

[white knight]

Hi Gothgirl  welcome here

You may very well have a case of unfairness here. However, dont lower yourself too far. eg "complete cow" isnt nice even if she is one.

Secondly, your situation with employment and finances leaves you at the peril of your inlaws. It is you that has to fit in with your sister in laws family and it is you that will likely never fit in fully. How they treat her is for them. If they treat her spoilt then so be it. Say, you prove her to lying....at the end of the day you will be the loser. It's how families work.

The answer- get out of there as soon as possible in your own place.

It isnt a specific mental health issue.

Tony WK

[Gothgirl87]

Thanks but I have moved out. But they made us move when I was overloaded with homework. I'm tired of their lack of empathy and interfering. My daughter has been living with them and I want her back because it was only while we got our stuff into the new place.

[Gothgirl87]

Also my sister in law likes to threaten me with reporting to DHS all the time. Even though my daughter isn't neglected or abused.

[pipsy]

Gothgirl87.  I've had the same problem, although mine was an NPD, MIL.  I have had no contact for over a year and feel alive and free.  As for your daughter, what's stopping you getting her back?  She's your daughter, either you or your husband, go and get her.  Unless in-laws can prove unfit parent, they have no legal right to her.  If it means you have to cut them off, so be it.  You've lost nothing.  You said your husband totally supports you, tell him how you feel, you want your daughter back.  Does she want to live with them?  If they're poisoning her against you, get her back before they do more damage.  Ignore SIL, DHS, may follow up her accusations, they sort of have to, but if you've nothing to fear, don't let that worry you.  I wouldn't tell DHS too much about problems with in-laws, that's not their dept.  Just ignore in-laws, once they realize they're not rattling you, they'll stop.  The more you let them 'get' to you, the more they will.  If necessary, private phone number.  Any mail, 'return to sender'.

Don't let them make you feel guilty.  They're not worth it.  Sorry if I sound harsh.

Pipsy.

[Gothgirl87]

Thankyou Pipsy.

[Gothgirl87]

Still dealing with this BS. My husband works nights and they are using this as an excuse why I shouldn't have my daughter stay over. As usual they have picked my daughter up (from daycare) while I was doing errands, eg laundromat. They won't answer their phones. I have no one to back me up and my husband is at work. Even when he does, it changes nothing.

[Gothgirl87]

They are also lying, saying I'm teaching my daughter to call them swear words. But I would never do this. Its just ridiculous.