I want to see my son

new2this · ‎02-10-2023

I have an estranged 17 year old. His father is extremely wealthy. 4 years ago my 13yr old & I had an argument. I said no I couldn’t drive him to his girlfriend house. We live rural & no public transport. He called his dad & he picked him up that day.
I had been in a head on car accident & had PTSD. Obviously I was difficult to live with.
Last year I was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer. My son still doesn’t want to see me. I’m frightened I will die & not see my son. This WILL affect him for the rest of his life. I constantly cry but I am always jovial in front of others. My heart is broken, smashed to prices.
I want my son to have a good life. I’ve failed at everything. Help please

white knight · ‎02-10-2023

Hi, welcome

So sorry for your struggle with this. I'm estranged from my youngest daughter that has a mother that demonised me. My eldest I'm close to.

I thought that the only way to regain contact would be through the influence of his father. This might not be possible because even in such needy circumstances and compassionate grounds he might be like my ex and have zero empathy and even resentment.

A letter might be the only way. He is near an adult, he has his own mind, he might still have fresh memories. Often the parent that uses the discipline is the loser in these terrible situations and thats you.

So, yes you are limited. A letter asking many questions can help or Facebook where you can message him, ask for friendship but initially until he has spoken to you a bit, I wouldnt mention your health, reason is he might have resentment still going on.

My first step would be to write a factually filled letter to his father and ask that he set up a meeting (cafe, Maccas) and you both can act in a adult manner so that a regular visit become possible. A tough situation but regardless the outcome your health is priority and if you overcome this illness chances are your son will visit you one day. I've proved that myself.

I wish you well and good luck with that tough fight, you give it your all ok!

NEVER PART

Life is but cobbles stones as we cross the creek

Then along comes a rock and we lose our feet

We get up, dust us over and try to smile

But we never expected life would be a mile

And so those rocks of hollow heart and pain

Lose our loved one, current takes him again

Bad luck we have life to thank

But keep going- work towards that river bank

Catch your tears the ones that drop

Count them all and dont let them stop

As tears are the result of your loving heart

Thats lost sight of a piece, but it will never part....

TonyWK

new2this · ‎02-10-2023

Unfortunately his father & I had a toxic relationship. I was severely abused, emotionally & physically. His father promised me he would ruin me if I left.

I left when my son was 2. I was the primary career but he had weekly access. Due to his narcissistic behaviours he was never interested in co-parenting in any form. He’s never responded to txt’s letters or emails.
Ostracising my son from me is the only thing he can do to hurt me.
I’m usually resilient but this no contact is killing me.
Just want my son in my life.
Thank you for the poem it’s beautiful.

white knight · ‎02-10-2023

Thankyou.

My 1st daughter is like me and the 2nd like her narc mother. So at 14yo my youngest rang me "I don't want to see you again". Shattering. Here was a girl I spoiled with new outfits etc.

At 15yo on top of child support I paid $15,000 for her mouth teeth jaw surgery to give her a beautiful smile. Every w years she'd message on Facebook, be friendly for several days then vanish blocking me in the process. Until 2020. I blocked her. My mental well being could not tolerate another rejection.

Life can be cruel. People can be cruel

But...

You can survive this test.

Nothing can fill that void your son fills. Ok. So what can you do to survive? In order-

Distraction. Keeping really busy , hobbies, social, sports etc. Fill your diary up
Join therapy groups
Seek therapy person to person
Help other children
Consider fostering
Send birthday cards, gifts, it isn't illegal, add your phone number
Be kind to yourself, self care, new clothes, spa, etc
Focus on your recovery.

We are here 24/7/365.

TonyWK

smallwolf · ‎03-10-2023

I'm truly sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're going through - both with your health issues and estrangement from your son. It's clear that you've faced a series of challenging circumstances, and your emotions are understandably overwhelming.

It's unfortunate, but we cannot cannot control what another person will do. And so have to accept some things as they appear. This does not mean the relationship with your son cannot be rekindled. Perhaps a letter writing about what happened then and now - expressing your love, regret for past disagreements, and your desire to reconnect. At the same time, I guess you might have told him parts of this already?

And maybe there is someone that might be able to speak on your behalf to your son?

There maybe other reasons why your son is not responding. While I could speculate here it would not help at all.

So the next thing is to (figuratively speaking) is the leave the front light on so your son knows he is welcome.

I am really throws ideas out there ... Listening if you wanted to tell more of your story.

quirkywords · ‎04-10-2023

New2this

I find your post very moving. You are strong and a caring mum. A 17 year old can be impulsive and selfish.

You are not a failure and please don’t use that word. You have had challenges I can’t even imagine. You have been a caring mum. Is it possible to email, text, or even write to your son..?