I want affection and attention

[-max-]

My girlfriend loves me and gives me affection but not a lot and k isn’t know if I’m being selling or she just doesn’t give me enough. I want more I wanna be cuddled and told how much she loves me often and I just don’t get it enough.

[Croix]

Dear Max~

Welcome here to the Forum, I hope you find it a friendly place to come to and gain some useful ideas.

It is a wonderful thing to have someone that loves you, and you love in return. Of course that does not mean the path is always smooth. From the sound of it you have different ideas about affection and how it is shown. 

That's not a surprising thing in itself, after all everyone is different. Even so if you love someone you do want to make them happy and cherish them. Although your girlfriend may actually not be as demonstrative as you might like it may be that if she understands you are unhappy she might take steps to make matters better.

Of course in order to do that she would have to understand that there is a problem. So may I ask if you  have discussed this with her and let her know how you feel? It is a two-person problem and both of you have to reach an understanding to make it ok.

I know in my own case if I want a cuddle I'll ask my partner, and if she wants one she'll do the same. When we first met this sort of vulnerability was hard to talk about, but it quickly became natural and has worked well ever since. After all there are times when each of us needs extra comfort or reassurance.

Do you think you'd like to come back and talk some more about this?

Croix

[Bob_22]

Hi -max-

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your post. I can definitely empathise with you being in a relationship where you feel you're not receiving as much affection as you give. There is a good thread on these forums that discusses some of these issues as well: https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/relationship-and-family-issues/starting-a-relationship-with-some... 

It may be a matter that you and your partner have different love languages. These are ways different people express love and affection. Feel free to have a google. Perhaps you could explore and learn about this with your partner and have a conversation about your needs. Hope this helps.

Bob

[sbella02]

Max,

Thank you for your courage in reaching out, welcome to the forums.

I'd like to echo and expand on Bob's words here, there are five different love languages: physical touch, gift giving, quality time, words of affirmation, and acts of service. People have different ways of expressing love and affection, and also different ways that they like to receive love and affection. Some people prefer to show their love by verbally expressing it, or helping somebody out with chores, or even suggesting fun activities to do together, for instance.

Two different love languages in a relationship doesn't necessarily mean incompatibility, it could be a matter of encouraging more open communication to better understand what each other needs and how you can support each other in a way that satisfies your respective love languages. If you can, try to open up a conversation with her about this, and see where it goes.

I hope this resonates with you. We're here to support you if you'd like to chat with us more.

SB