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I think my husband is cheating

Melstar
Community Member
My husband has become very good friends with a neighbor they sit up drinking together the snap chat each other and I’m not even friends with him on snap chat he calls her and messages her he has he is just helping a friend through a hard time but I feel she is priority over me he is now saying he doesn’t know if he wants this (us) and he needs space to figure out what he wants I keep having arguments with him because I want him to stop we have started counseling but I feel he is only doing it for me he says he loves me and that I’m his best friend but again I feel like he is just telling me this we have been together for 23 years and have 3 daughters do I let him go and work out what he wants or do I keep being miserable and just guessing what is happening I feel if we have a break he won’t came back to me I cry all the time I’m very anxious and I’m servilely stressed we don’t have sex a lot as he has issues there or are the issues just our problems that are going on or that he just doesn’t want to be with me 😢😢
29 Replies 29

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Melstar, please let us know how you are getting on, it's important for us to know, so please we would love to hear back from you.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Melstar
Community Member
Well he came back on Monday I never allowed it I said if u come back u have to delete her from all social media phone numbers etc or your bag is packed go I also said he needs to lay if drinking and to go and seek help but guess what none of that has happened we had counseling yesterday and she said how I need to b in his circle and not the other and that he needs to stop what ever it is he is doing and he said I will and again no it hasn’t happened we have just had a huge fight why does he just not get that him being friends with her is just tearing our family apart everybody can see that but them to I have also said it’s ok to not want to be with us we will eventually get over it and we will deep down I’m already half way there I guess I’m just living in a fantasy world thinking that he does love me and wants what I want but it’s far from that and all I want is to have a living happy family who enjoy doing all types of stuff with each other even if we don’t like what each other like it’s called working together and growing together I just want a living husband and Dad for my girls and they want thee Dad

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Melstar, thanks for getting back to us.

It seems as though he wants to be with you but on his terms as he is now, that's not what you want and you've reconciled yourself to raise the girls by yourself.

He may see the light sooner or later, but you still have to decide whether or not you are able to trust him, that's not an easy decision for you to make.

Please keep us informed on how you are going.

Geoff.

Melstar
Community Member

So we have gone away for the weekend with some friends and I haven’t been spoken to by my so called husband and apparently it was to spend time together so let’s see what tomorrow brings but I have told the girls I’m just happy to get away from our street for the weekend and try and forget about it just for a few days he’ll i need to for my girls they need to be kids and have fun

hope u all have a good weekend and thanks to the ones who have been replying and helping me through this

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Melstar, that must be disappointing not to be spoken to by your husband, so there seems to be a pattern forming here from how he has treated you before.

I can't tell you what to do, only advise you, but there are many issues that may need to be sorted out.

I'd like you to please keep in touch with us.

Geoff

Melstar
Community Member
How do I stop assuming that something is happening when it may not be when he is active on Facebook and she is also I just assume they are talking with each other I then snap all this anger comes out and this is not me I feel I’m going crazy I hate myself for whom I am becoming and it’s just pushing us further apart but how do I stop he won’t change I’ve asked him to delete her from all forms of contact to give us a go ok I may not be able to stop the friendship but give us a go I begged him to give us a go and I guess it’s me who is ruining this relationship with my outbursts of anger I just want everything back to the way it was he is my everything the love of my life and I’m scared I’ve just thrown it all away I’m hurting more now then I thought I ever was

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Melstar, when you believe that something is going on between your husband and this other person, you're probably right because if nothing was, then one of them would most likely disappear from Facebook.

It's not you who is ruining this relationship, it's your husband and his 'friend', they were the ones that have instigated all of this and if he truly loved you, there would be no way he would do any of this.

Even if you can convince him to come back it's still uncertain, and if you have to beg him, then you're playing the game in his court and he will still be dominating.

To try and work something out with someone who's love doesn't coincide with yours, love has to go both ways and one important point is that you are concentrating on getting him, you're not looking after yourself.

I know you love him and I'm very sorry because when it's not reciprocated, there's nothing worse, and all we do is ask questions, 'why' and 'what if', so we struggle, that's what's definitely happening for yourself.

Can you take a break, I know that's not going to easy but you need assistance just as your girls will need help to try and understand and maybe you might have a friend who can explain to them what is going on, I say this with great care, because when you and them try to talk there will be tears.

I feel sorry for you.

Geoff.

but concerned about your well being

Melstar
Community Member
So have come home from a weekend away Tina message from the neighbours husband that she has left now I'm really scared but I have decided to sit not fight for his love cause fighting with him isn't working I guess time will tell if he leaves but we go on a cruise in 2 weeks and feeling he will leave after that but my kids deserve this holiday and yes u will say don't take him but unfortunately I'm not that nasty so her husband has told me there in love with each other but is it true or he just playing me because of his own relationship don't worry I'm thinking lots of things but I do know I can't talk with him about it cause it will just b a fight if he leaves it won't be because I pushed him and if he does yes ill b heartbroken feel like my life is over but in time I will b ok but I keep thinking deep down why is he still here ??

Melstar
Community Member

So it’s been a week since we got home from our weekend away she is still not in the street but I am still confused and unsure so we went to counseling on Thursday night on the way there he has told me which he has before that he isn’t in love with me although he does love me ??? And give him time and let’s try and be friends and do what friends do this hit me really hard so on his way to work he did give me a cuddle and tell me he does love me and apparently he thought of me all night but then the Friday night went to the pub so no time spent together I went and picked him up from the pub with him saying he is going away for the night fishing I wasn’t happy and let him know so the Saturday morning we spent together but he still left then to my daughter receiving a message saying that her dad and her mum are together which hasn’t gone down to well he has told me that this isn’t the case and my daughter asked for proof of her findings and there isn’t any so do we believe in him or believe in the rumours but before he left he did say to me I’ve left u a present and that he loves me my present was him returning my engagement ring that I gave Back to him saying to means nothing so is this all part of the game or is it all true and this is his way of trying to help us ??? Everyone keeps telling me what does your gut say but it’s not saying anything it’s just knots turning and turning I know it’s my life and no one can tell me what to do just looking for support and am I going mad or they are just trying to subatage our relationship

i also think if he truly didn’t want to be here he would be gone ???

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Melstar, I think your last sentence pretty well says it all, however, could it be a fear of leaving you or the guilt of hurting you or perhaps having another roof to sleep under, all of these questions are the ones you are trying to sort out.

If this marriage is causing mistrust, not being able to understand what is going on and creating all of these complications then it's still going to be difficult to decide what you want to do.

If he's not in love with you, but still loves you, again says it all, that's what my ex says to me because it means he cares a lot for you but is not able to live with you, in other words, he could only be love 50%, that's not enough to stay together and that's why my ex and myself could never live together again, too much water has passed under the bridge..

I don't think you can wait for him to make a decision because all he is doing is keeping the door open if he needs to return, that's not committing to a marriage.

I am sorry for what's been happening, so please get back to me.

Best wishes.

Geoff.