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I think my husband is cheating

Melstar
Community Member
My husband has become very good friends with a neighbor they sit up drinking together the snap chat each other and I’m not even friends with him on snap chat he calls her and messages her he has he is just helping a friend through a hard time but I feel she is priority over me he is now saying he doesn’t know if he wants this (us) and he needs space to figure out what he wants I keep having arguments with him because I want him to stop we have started counseling but I feel he is only doing it for me he says he loves me and that I’m his best friend but again I feel like he is just telling me this we have been together for 23 years and have 3 daughters do I let him go and work out what he wants or do I keep being miserable and just guessing what is happening I feel if we have a break he won’t came back to me I cry all the time I’m very anxious and I’m servilely stressed we don’t have sex a lot as he has issues there or are the issues just our problems that are going on or that he just doesn’t want to be with me 😢😢
29 Replies 29

Melstar
Community Member
Well yesterday I was told that he does have feelings but only as a friend and that’s she has no one and that he is there for him and she for him my reply was but I’m always there for u later that day I received a message from him saying he feels so good to be honest I told him I appreciate him being honest he seemed to be his normal self again not only to me but our daughter and friends he came home as I came home earlier and went to bed he cane home come woke me up and just smiled and rubbed my head I smiled back and touched him also to then wake up cause tv was load at 3 to find him not in loungeroom I searched the house and he is asleep In laundry on his swag and told me he is just there cause of the cool breeze but again I feel letdown

dudewheresmypaddle
Community Member
You & your daughters are your number 1 priority. When two people are in a relationship, it’s expected that it’s a team effort. There’ll always be challenges, but you work through them together. If you’ve told your husband how you feel about your relationship & the connection he has with the neighbour & he says he needs to leave the marriage, then you need to think about your happiness & wellbeing. Something I’ve learnt is, you can’t make people care about us. You now have a chance to be happier & make plans for the future. You have your own life, work, daughters, friends etc. Build on that & soon you’ll feel much better. I wish you all the best.

Great advice Jane1234. If he’s not feeling it, then let him go. You’ll only be miserable anyway.

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Melstar, he's not going to change, he'll be doing it behind your back any way he can and it's going to continually annoy you and the kids.

Give yourself some comfort and ask him to move out, then he can do what he wants to do, but you and the kids will be at peace.

Geoff.

Melstar
Community Member
Thanks jane123 I always go with my gut but my gut isn’t saying to much I’m so confused but I do need to be here for my kids and myself so starting to take it one day at a time everyday is hard but hopefully starting to get easier not sure what happened but he changed yesterday he seemed more caring towards me but still taking it slow and not getting my hopes up

Melstar
Community Member

Well my world has just been turned upside down he has told me he doesn’t know why he has fallen out of love with me never in my life have I ever been so heartbroken I guess there is nothing more to do then start to create the best life for my girls and I on our own 😢 how do I get through this I know each day will get easier but I just want this pain to go away

why do people all of a sudden just stop loving or it’s just the influence of the other party so many questions going through my mind but the most is I’ve lost my husband my best friend my world

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Melstar, you ask a very poignant question 'why do people all of a sudden just stop loving', well there are so many answers we could give you, but in this situation don't blame yourself.

It has nothing to do with what you have done, it's his eagerness to talk to other people online, unfortunately, someone has connected with him, it's difficult for you to comprehend as it would for most other people and has made you take a backwards step, but there is a way forward for you and your girls.

When we have to step backwards we tend to find another person who understands and connects with you, that's what's happened to me, I have found a true friend here on this site, we both know what's happened to ourselves, understand each other and relate to the burden we both have had to go through.

I'm truly sorry for you and your girls.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

KLB
Community Member

Hi Melstar,

I am currently going through the same thing. It does get easier in time. The quicker you stop living with him the easier it will be. I do believe it's the influence of the other person. It was in my situation and now he has realized what he has lost. But unfortunately I think it's too late for us. Take care of you and your girls and seek help and support from family and friends. A counselor will give you some coping strategies as well. Dont blame yourself you did nothing wrong. Sending you big hugs. It's a hard road but you will get through it.

Melstar
Community Member
And just like that it’s over 😢 as soon as I kicked him out he was straight on the phone to her no not trying to fix us trying to push us away even more

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Melstar, I'm pleased you have kicked him out, but also sad that it had to happen, but now he has shown his true colours and will keep happening from one person to another.

Are you able to gain your strength back from this awful situation?

My best.

Geoff.