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I think my BF is mentally ill or abusive

Community Member
So I'm female and in my mids 20s. My BF was in his late 20s and I was 19 when we met, we've been together since then. We met through a social group. I have an abusive family so we moved in together within a few months so I could get away from them. As time when I started noticing disturbing behaviour very slowly develop from him. He was chronically late tp everything, friends parties, weddings, funerals, our own dates, coming home from work pretty much everuthing. If we were together I'd have to try and bother him to be on time, but we'd always be late and it was embarassing. His moods started to become crazy, he loved me one minute, hated me another and had a baseline level of irritation all the time. Eventually he started taking it out on me a bit, yelling at me for the smallest things and treating me kind of badly. He started to get very indecisive and not know what he wanted anymore. If we went out, he'd complain that he wanted to be at home relaxing. If we were at home relaxing, he'd complain he wanted to be out. Movies and TV that he loved before, he suddenly hated and the opposite, but wouldn't admit that it had happened and would convince me he always loved/hated it. He started telling me he was empty inside and he didn't know if he wanted to be with me anymore, but that would change the next day. After a few years he developed anger issues, even tried to join a fight one time and started punching walls, doors and throwing things. He started to have delusions about how everyone hated him, found him ugly and that people purposely avoided touching him when giving him change and that they made faces of disgust. All his friends only were friends with him out of pity. He started to become very aggressive and do dangerous things, like sleeping outside, leaving the house without telling anyone without his wallet, keys or phone and driving super recklessly. Sometimes he wouldn't come home and I'd have to ask people where he was. He seemed constantly depressed and miserable. We fought all the time for hours over these things. I put my foot down and said he needed therapy and that I'm moving out. He agreed to go and I moved out to save my own mental health. He went for a bit, but it became less and now he's not going. He had a pretty bad childhood, with an extremely overbearing mentally ill mother and alcoholic father. I think he's severely mentally ill. I am still moves out and don't know ehat to do, he denies that there is anything wrong. Help!
2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

We cannot offer an opinion here on any possibility of a mental illness. Many of the things you've listed are common actions While under stress or upset. "Seems constantly depressed" is an observations but to assume he has a severe mental illness is an assumption that could be far from the reality.

Humans come in all shapes and sizes, same with behaviour and actions, coping and emotions. So there could be many things happening in your relationship that are due to differences between you. Incompatibility could be something that is present.

You told him to seek therapy...did you offer to accompany him? If there is incompatibility issues or many other possibles involving both of you then they could be relationship based, hence both attending would be manifestly better.


Hi annalina,

Welcome to the forums.

If u feel unsafe with Ur partner or that he could hurt you, it might be good to speak to someone, maybe 1800respect for example or relationships Australia.

The punching the walls concerns me but as Tony said, we can't diagnose...

Claiming he always loved so,ething etc that in reality he used to hate and has changed his view on, could be innocent, but child also, if a pattern, could be gaslihhting.

Such comments could, if repeated, make u feel silly when really he's rewriting history.

I'd be attuned to how it all makes u feel and how his behaviour affects u.