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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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deche23 Utter Loneliness
  • replies: 3

Hello everyone, I have a problem. I am 34 years old and have never been in a relationship. I'm not terrible looking, I have a good stable job, but I've just never been sought after by the opposite sex. Just before the second lockdown in Melbourne, I ... View more

Hello everyone, I have a problem. I am 34 years old and have never been in a relationship. I'm not terrible looking, I have a good stable job, but I've just never been sought after by the opposite sex. Just before the second lockdown in Melbourne, I met a girl via online dating. We met up for a walk, and walked and talked for hours. She was a lovely, kind beautiful girl, who was open about her past, her aspirations and her insecurities. With the lockdown continuing, we went on walks around the parks in Melbourne and talked for hours in the day. Eventually she started coming to my place and we would watch movies, have dinner, talk and laugh for hours on end over the weekend. We read the same books, liked similar things and are both quiet people. I couldn't believe my luck. It was like someone had put an angel on earth just for me. Recently we met up and she said she doesn't feel the same energy. It's been two weeks but I am still just incomprehensibly heartbroken. I don't have many friends and in general and I don't relate to many people. I despise saying this because it sounds aloof, but I'm an intellectual person and prefer quiet, in depth conversations to wild nights out. I've learnt some things about myself that terrify me - my crippling loneliness being one of them, as well as my relationship inexperience. I placed value in her which probably isn't healthy. I was fine at 'playing it cool' and am not an overbearing person. She said to me that I did nothing wrong and that she still thinks I am a great person. I can't sleep nor can I concentrate at work. Every hour of the day I am tight in the chest and at work yesterday I genuinely felt as though I was feeling an onset of some form of psychosis. I am so scared because I rarely meet a woman that I feel that I connect with and am attracted to, and it may be another 34 years until it happens again. It was like someone switched on a light for a 5 month period, where I could see a type of love and beauty (not just in the aesthetic sense) that I didn't think was possible for me. Before hand, I had accepted my fate that I would grow old, single and lonely. I have tried online dating apps and meet up groups, but I just can't seem to find anyone that wants to take the time of day to speak to me or ask me questions. This girl was so kind and loving towards me, that for a moment in my life I felt a degree of love and contentment that made everything around me seem beautiful and possible. What do I do? Help.

LostAquarius I am not ok
  • replies: 2

I can’t do this another minute longer. I am not ok. I need desparately for this to stop. I can’t handle the way my daughter treats me anymore. It’s making me sick, dizzy, confused, exhausted, in a daze and severely depressed. She’s 9. I’m 32. It’s be... View more

I can’t do this another minute longer. I am not ok. I need desparately for this to stop. I can’t handle the way my daughter treats me anymore. It’s making me sick, dizzy, confused, exhausted, in a daze and severely depressed. She’s 9. I’m 32. It’s been a power struggle since her toddler years. I admit I have been lost and unstable in regards to discipline. She is not a bad kid, she is just frequently very heartless towards me. It hurts. I know that somehow this must be my fault and I do accept that. But it still hurts. A lot. Especially now she has met some neighbourhood kids, they have changed her horribly just in a few weeks. I am terrified of what is going to continue to get worse. I am so alone. I have no support. Her biological father died just before Christmas 2 years ago. Her step dad just went to prison 3 weeks ago. I have very prominent social anxiety which affects daily living. I try to balance work between school hours but have her in after school care a couple of days which she hates me for but I am trying to earn enough money to live. The best way I can describe her behavior, is unfortunately....obnoxious. our personalities are complete opposites so that in itself is challenging, though I accept that she is her own person and I love her for it but I don’t think I deserve to be treated like a peasant. She turns her nose up at meals. Leaves the house when I say not to. Whines and complains about EVERYTHING. Leaves rubbish and her bike or scooters laying around without consideration to neighbours (we live in a unit). I have tried so hard to teach good values and I myself certainly live by them. But she rebels. I am terrified that she is going to be kidnapped or hit by a car whilst outside with the neighbours. They don’t seem to have any common sense or care and they just run about doing whatever. I have explained as much as I can about safety near cars and not to go anywhere with any body etc etc all of that but then last week I found out she had walked to the shops with just one of the neighbours who is also 9. I was so disappointed and have now become increasingly anxious making sure I can always see her or always hear her from the windows. I need to get out of this unit. It’s so awful. I am grateful not to be homeless but I still wish I could get away from here. I am so stressed I can barely breathe.

Missy1964 Fiancé with porn addiction
  • replies: 5

Discovered porn addiction 18 months ago and I am so confused . He had pictures of women we know amongst his thousands of porn folders . He told me he’d stop but this is still going on . Not the friends pics but all the porn and secrecy . I don’t know... View more

Discovered porn addiction 18 months ago and I am so confused . He had pictures of women we know amongst his thousands of porn folders . He told me he’d stop but this is still going on . Not the friends pics but all the porn and secrecy . I don’t know what to Do. I feel betrayed and I’ve called off the engagement. Do people get over porn addiction ? Am I overreacting ? Please help me . I’m lost and feel such about this . I thought after years of bad choices I had found the one . He’s 57 and I’m 56.

shewhomustnotbenamed How do you move out when your family are financially and emotionally dependent on you?
  • replies: 7

I am 25, and live with my sisters, mum and boyfriend. My mum had cancer when I was 17 and has recovered, but has long term complications with her health due to postoperative issues. My dad committed suicide when I was 19 and pretty much left my siste... View more

I am 25, and live with my sisters, mum and boyfriend. My mum had cancer when I was 17 and has recovered, but has long term complications with her health due to postoperative issues. My dad committed suicide when I was 19 and pretty much left my sisters and my mum to deal with everything. We were renting at the time, and decided to buy a place together with the money from his death so we could try and relieve the financial burden. This was 4 years ago. Boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and he has lived here for 3. Me and my sisters have good jobs. I would really like to move out with my boyfriend who works full time too but financially don't know where I will be leaving the others in my current household. My sisters are happy to move out together, but it leaves my mum on her own. She doesn't have an income and struggles with chronic pain and depression her whole life. I have tried helping her to get on a disability payment but it's like pulling teeth, she is resistant to change. Understandably she has gone through a lot in her life and is in a position she didn't expect to be in, but I have felt like my life is on pause. She has refused to seek help and talk to someone as she has had some not so great experiences. We have mentioned moving out to her and what that may look like. I feel so guilty and sad about her being on her own, and not knowing how she will financially and emotionally survive, but then I also get angry because I resent that I am constantly trying to find the answers and solutions and put my life and goals on hold because to support a co-dependant relationship. She says all the time how she doesn't want to hold us back, but I feel like she has no motivation to get her life where it needs to be. I don't know where to start.. my boyfriend wants to go to. I just constantly get the "yeah yeah, we will look at it in the new year" but I just feel like things won't move. I don't even need any money from the sale of this house, my sisters and I are 100% okay to give it to my mum to set herself back up, but it won't be enough to buy something else and it wont be enough to maintain anything especially if she doesn't get onto a disability payment. I feel so mad and sad and am DESPERATELY craving emotional, physical and financial freedom. Will I ever be released from this vice? Will my mum ever be okay on her own? Will I ever not feel guilty leaving 1 parent alone? Will I ever not worry she will commit suicide the way my father did?

Wanderlust123 Online friendship and mental health
  • replies: 4

Hi all, For the past year I have been talking to a new friend online (from another city, we have never met). At first we were very close, messaging all day every day, however in the past few months it has decreased more and more. When I asked him abo... View more

Hi all, For the past year I have been talking to a new friend online (from another city, we have never met). At first we were very close, messaging all day every day, however in the past few months it has decreased more and more. When I asked him about why this was happening, he claimed I was hung up on him, that I have my own life and I shouldn't worry about him. I felt extremely hurt by this because I thought we were close and had a good relationship, but hearing it was a big "F off". We continued talking, but a bit less, and a few weeks later he told me he finds socialising tiring, he is a social recluse and doesn't want to talk to me as much. I felt bad for making him talk to me so much, but also a bit confused how he could talk to me so much at the start but only now it is a problem. And so, we have continued talking but even less as I feel I will be bothering him. This past week I've found myself sitting around, constantly checking my phone, hoping he will message me but he hasn't. I don't properly know him so don't know what he is like or experiencing in his life. But at the same time, this friendship is not good for my mental health. It's affecting my ability to engage in day to day activity and I can't get him off my mind. At times I so badly want to delete him from my life because it hurts too much, but I can't bring myself to do that. I don't know what to do and was hoping for some advice. Thanks!

Tote442 Coming out of an emotionally draining relationship
  • replies: 4

Recently, something has come up and I have had to decide to leave my house and not renew my lease. I called my girlfriend to discuss our accommodation situation, hoping to sort something out, but ended up on the receiving end of an ear bashing. This ... View more

Recently, something has come up and I have had to decide to leave my house and not renew my lease. I called my girlfriend to discuss our accommodation situation, hoping to sort something out, but ended up on the receiving end of an ear bashing. This was followed by text messages in a similar vein. She is worried about where she is going to stay, but as soon as I try to help she bites my head off. This is hard for me because I feel sorry for her and still care for her, even though she is abusive. I am in a difficult situation financially, underemployed and relying on Jobseeker. My work is winding down in December and I am facing a rate cut in January. Next year I am hoping to do study to pursue my vocation. I have a condition which, if unmanaged, can render me non-functional. As a result of isolation, I have lost my social network. And my family network is strained owing to the support I have needed in the past, which has turned family members against me. In other words, I am quite vulnerable. However, my girlfriend is dependent on me while sometimes giving herself permission to treat my like dirt. I had to learn patience while she made a habit of berating me. And just when I thought I had things under control, a circumstance has precipitated my moving out - my mental and physical health would not cope otherwise. I've tried everything in the relationship, trying to be the calm, mature, level-headed one. Nothing has worked. She lashes out at me when she is stressed. Regardless of how I stretch myself to accommodate her, the behaviour never stops. Even couples counseling failed. I already see a psychologist, who sees her as incredibly immature and spoilt. My dilemma is if I don't try to help her, I will fill guilty, thinking something terrible is going to happen to her if she doesn't find a place to stay. However, if I do help her, she will continue being abusive and could pose a significant risk to me if my decision potentially causes me financial loss. I'm torn. Despite it all, I still love her. I know there is no future in the relationship because I can't respect myself if I consent to being a punching bag. I tend to be peaceful and conflict averse.

H90 Possible DV. How to escape?
  • replies: 5

Our two youngest were unsettled last night. After 2 hrs I ask my husband to help. I said “I know you have work but you are a parent too”. Which his response was ”maybe I should murder them. I got a job (As in he has to get up early and work all day)”... View more

Our two youngest were unsettled last night. After 2 hrs I ask my husband to help. I said “I know you have work but you are a parent too”. Which his response was ”maybe I should murder them. I got a job (As in he has to get up early and work all day)”. I’m so disgusted at what he said. I texted him this morning saying please don’t say that again his response was “get over it love, you know I’m just joking” This is serious and possible DV right? I’m not just overreacting. This is the first time he’s said something of this caliber. I’m not taking it as a joke and his response this morning is just making me feel more mad because he hasn’t understood the severity of his words... How do you escape if you don’t have a job, have three kids, rely on your husbands money, don’t want to go to a shelter? And have no friends or family to help ... no physical violence just intimidation, gaslighting, threats (he says he’s just joking). I’m so lost. I need to get out. I have too. But how?

Guest_5236 trying saving 24 years, post infidelity.
  • replies: 3

My Wife & i have been together 24 yrs & married 20. we have 3 amazing children 16,14 & 12. all blissfully unaware of the torment im feeling. my wife (W) has been rock solid for all 24 yrs until recently, we both work,i myself do a standard 40 hr week... View more

My Wife & i have been together 24 yrs & married 20. we have 3 amazing children 16,14 & 12. all blissfully unaware of the torment im feeling. my wife (W) has been rock solid for all 24 yrs until recently, we both work,i myself do a standard 40 hr week & she works 3 days a week in the care industry, it is during this time that she has come into contact with a gentleman (AP) affair partner & formed an emotional & physical relationship together. 3 weeks ago i was away for the w/end catching up with a mate out west. i called home for the morning goss & my youngest answered i asked to speak with (W) & she said she wasn't home after dropping our eldest off to work @ 7am that morning, thats ok i rang her mobile had a chat & she said she was shopping for the kids & just browsing, i asked which shops & she struggled a little & i had a awful feeling, one think about have 3 teens is we all have find my phone & we are all aware of it. i checked it & it showed her at her work clients address i ask what she was doing at AP's but denied being there until i mentioned find my phone. so i asked to facetime her & she hung up on me, i tried to call a few time to no avail. i was 3 hrs drive away but heading back instead of the catchup. she called back apologetic say she didn't want me to be mad about visiting a client out of hrs, she had visited 2 weeks earlier but did tell me on her way out the do, which i was concerned for her job about. this guy was old & lonely. we are in our 40's he was late 60's to 70. Drank & smoked like crazy & was constantly lewd with his comments. 1 i was always cautious for her safety. anyway she smoothed me over on my drive home & spoke about the lie & deception long into the night. but resolved all the same. that was Sunday. she was rostered to attend to him twice that week & it felt like a normal week outside my discomfort about being lied to. on Friday her phone rang a mobile no. i picked it up off the bench but she wouldn't answer it while i was there just said it was a telemarketer. so i put down as soon as i did she picked it up & went to delete the number which i found odd, & from then on my world unfolded & sent me into an obis of hurt, pain, panic anxiousness & then emptiness over the next 4-5 day she held me in this world of Torment!

Craigoataway help
  • replies: 1

My parents are kicking me out of home by the end of this week and I don't have a place to go

My parents are kicking me out of home by the end of this week and I don't have a place to go

Jason_ Long term break finance numb with depression
  • replies: 1

Hi all needing help in this confusing time with my fiancee that feels numb and lost. Quickly we have been together for 13 years and have 2 children age 9 and 10. 3 weeks ago I caught her msging someone who turned out to be from another country and I ... View more

Hi all needing help in this confusing time with my fiancee that feels numb and lost. Quickly we have been together for 13 years and have 2 children age 9 and 10. 3 weeks ago I caught her msging someone who turned out to be from another country and I was told it meant nothing and was just someone to talk to. From there we have decided to take a break or break up, after she said she loves but doesn't love me anymore at that point. We fell into a rut for about 2 years with just a routine of work and raising kids and didnt have any fun time or alone time together. As to why I to was happy to have a break but now after a few weeks I have come to terms of all of my mistakes and there were alot from not helping around the house more etc. I have since told her all of these issues and she has said it meant alot to her to hear it from me. The problem is she is not one to communicate and always said she doesn't like other people knowing what's going on in her head. She is really lost atm and its confusing me one minute she can talk about working things out then the next just be completely shut off and just want to sleep. I moved out straight away but have since been coming back to look after kids to give her a break, cleaning the house, buying flowers taking her on dates or just getting her out of the house in general. Which has helped her but she quickly falls back into her depressive state of not looking after herself or doing anything at all. I dont know where to go from here im stuck I really love this girl and it hurts to see her like this but how do I communicate with someone that doesn't want to talk or doesn't know what to talk about herself? She was meant to see a therapist but cancelled the appointment, would it be wrong for me to book one for us to go to together?