Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Goal2content Is this emotional abuse?
  • replies: 8

Hi, I want to leave my partner and take our 3 young kids (we would work out a parenting arrangement so he can still see them) but I’m finding it difficult to find the strength to just do it. My partner has made subtle criticisms over the years and ca... View more

Hi, I want to leave my partner and take our 3 young kids (we would work out a parenting arrangement so he can still see them) but I’m finding it difficult to find the strength to just do it. My partner has made subtle criticisms over the years and can be condescending. He blames me for the washing machine and dryer breaking etc, comments on the distance I park my car from his, he used to stand over me while I was cooking telling me how to do it a ‘better way’. There lots more but basically making me feel like everything is my fault. It really hurt when he said our kids are like they are because I was too nice to them ‘earlier in the piece’ (our 5 year old has behavioural and sensory issues because he has anxiety from neurosurgeries a few years ago). Anyway, about a year ago my partner’s Mum realised we were unhappy and started saying you can’t leave him, you won’t be able to afford it etc (I actually never said I was leaving). I just agreed we were unhappy because she kept hounding me. She was telling me I should be having more intercourse with him and she started telling me what to do with my investments and that I should put my money into his house. Recently she was so rude and told me I need to make a decision about whether I’m leaving her son or not, told me my kids are out of control and that she thinks I had postnatal depression 3 years ago after my 2nd baby was born. My partner is all for his Mum and sticks up for her in any discussion I have with him and I feel like it’s 2 against 1. I feel like I’m not needed and they would rather me not be here. They tell me it’s better if I don’t come home straight after work because it revs the kids up! I feel so sick to the stomach and as if I’m losing control as my kids Mum. My partner’s Mum looks after the kids when I work 2.5 days a week but she’ll stay until 9:30 every night. She comes and helps her son if I work a weekend day so she’s too involved. If my Mum offers to look after the kids she will text me and ask ‘why is your Mum doing more days now?’ Anyway, sorry for the rant but I need the strength to leave and want to know if this is emotional abuse by my partner and his Mum? Thanks for ready.

pl515p1 Lost Soul Seeking Closure
  • replies: 3

I don't know if this is the correct place, I don't know much of anything anymore, I do know that I have a mother and a brother, and uncles and aunts, out there somewhere. I am trying to find them. Years and distance have separated us, but since my fa... View more

I don't know if this is the correct place, I don't know much of anything anymore, I do know that I have a mother and a brother, and uncles and aunts, out there somewhere. I am trying to find them. Years and distance have separated us, but since my father passed, I have to fulfil this mission for him. Through my own searching I have found my uncle and told him of dad, he too has been searching for us, and other relatives. Australia lacks any government organisation to aid me in my search. I reached out to the Red Cross, they do not help with "domestic tracing" so If I were separated by migration or war, they would help me, but not in my case. The Salvation army once had a family tracing service, now abandoned since 2018. I am not adopted, so I have no grounds for searching that way. I have been told to search the electoral roll and social media, so I did, and still am. I found my Uncle on the roll, and an address for someone matching my brother, but the roll is not all encompassing, many people are not on the roll, and any woman who has married will be much more difficult to find. I don't know what I am trying to say, but there should be a government department that offers help for those trying to reconnect with family under the so called "domestic tracing" term they use. Sure, people can say to me, it's our own fault, we should have kept in touch, but hey, life is complicated, people move, things come up, and all of a sudden several years have passed and that old phone number no longer connects. I only want to reach out so they can know about dad, my uncle was devastated that he missed the funeral, and also, to reconnect with family would be a healing process for me, it takes a village. The government is lacking in so many areas of support, mine may not be the most pressing, but it is important, and I think there are many others out there trying to find relatives that are also having to do it alone, it is so hard. I can picture my mother searching for me, as I search for her, and we both walk right past one another looking the wrong way. I don't know if this is a rant, or a cry for help, probably both...

Von is lost Ghosting and rejection
  • replies: 15

I finally plucked up the courage to ask a guy I’d been casually seeing what he was thinking/feeling about us, and he just straight up ghosted me and hasn't replied in a whole week. I feel extremely hurt and desperate for answers, but I know there’s n... View more

I finally plucked up the courage to ask a guy I’d been casually seeing what he was thinking/feeling about us, and he just straight up ghosted me and hasn't replied in a whole week. I feel extremely hurt and desperate for answers, but I know there’s nothing I can do about it and I may not ever get an answer. I feel physically ill thinking about him but can’t seem to stop. I wish I knew how to value myself enough to know I’m better off without someone who doesn’t really want me.

Augustus01 Difficult son
  • replies: 10

I don't know whether to seek a family or legal forum. My son is 21. He's addicted to drugs. He has no work ethic and spends most of his time in his makeshift room which was a storage room adjacent to our garage that he's just taken over. Either eatin... View more

I don't know whether to seek a family or legal forum. My son is 21. He's addicted to drugs. He has no work ethic and spends most of his time in his makeshift room which was a storage room adjacent to our garage that he's just taken over. Either eating, checking his phone, sleeping, lazying or consuming whatever drug he's on. He's on his 5th job this year, and his 4th car after trashing the last 3. Today he just couldn't be bothered going to work. Orders food deliveries and his room is a mess. In his teens he was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, in his world he's the only one that matters, and his counsellor could not help us any more. We've put him on a mentoring youth program with trips and activities, and his mentor gave up on him after he lured another kid to alcohol on a trip away. He's wasted his schooling by skipping classes and acting the truant. After a series of warnings and dismissed from one school, he couldn't see out yr-11. He's had a number of low-end jobs since then which he hasn't been able to stick to. Been booked for speeding, lost his licence twice and is heading for a 3rd, and his car is nearly a write-off. He's had anger management issues, broken doors and windows in the house when things don't go his way, and even driven over the front garden hedge. Two court appearances with AVOs which he hasn't stuck to and no intention of doing so. Police turn up, take him in for questioning and then release him. They can't do anything as he hasn't committed a crime, yet. We can't afford to keep supporting him. It's damaged our family mentally, especially his mother who cries in her sleep. I know he needs help but he won't voluntarily seek it. He won't reason to anything meaningful, and turns everything to a joke. We're in the process of moving house, and his mother is adamant he won't be following us. But I don't know what to do with him. I'm mentally exhausted.

J06 Complex Family and it's depressing!
  • replies: 1

I have 3 children eldest married 2 children, youngest in a stable relationship with 1 child, middle one single gay self opinionated with mental health issues stemming from childhood issues that I did not deal with and which has caused him to be havin... View more

I have 3 children eldest married 2 children, youngest in a stable relationship with 1 child, middle one single gay self opinionated with mental health issues stemming from childhood issues that I did not deal with and which has caused him to be having therapy for the past 25 years. The son doesn't get on with father or youngest sibling but has always managed a relationship with eldest sibling. I've spent years being in the middle of bickering, arguing, verbally fighting between people. Luckily given they live in different states it doesn't occur often, although Christmas when they all love to come home, and for grandchildren it's the only way to spend christmas. So it's a time for me that I love (being a christmas tragic) but it is one fraught with worry, tension, anxiety attacks for me and I don't believe believe people doing enough to monitor their behaviour. I've spoken to people individually but of course it's always the other persons problem. This year because of Covid no one could spend christmas at home but middle child visited and stayed with eldest sibling. All well until middle grandson, just entering his teens and a typical teenager - lazy, untidy prefers to do his own thing, although no problems when it all suits him was disciplined several times by father for not removing himself from electronics and help his mother. Middle son thought punishment banned from electronics and send to room didn't fit the crime, tried to step in didn't go down well and then contacted me to say what had happened and he felt that he had witnessed other similar things that had happened and he didn't feel it was fair as this was what had happened to him and he didn't want to see his nephew go through 25 yrs of therapy. I told him, I had seen the grandsons behaviour which at times was not good and he needed something more than continuinally being spoken to as that didn't worth. Also said son was a good father and that it was not middle son's responsibility and he should not get in the middle. Now I am sitting worrying about what is going on and whether brothers are now arguing, and the only one the middle son can interact with may prefer he not visit if he is going to comment on his parenting. But middle son wants and needs a family and can't see that he is pushing people away Meanwhile I sit and worry myself silly over it because I do know that some of middle sons issues have been caused by our bad choices. Love my children but sometimes wish they would go away

peacock Separation due to Covid
  • replies: 8

Hi, my only son is in the army. I only get to see him at Xmas as he is based interstate. He was in Afghanistan for nine months this year. He was due to have six weeks leave with us from 11 December. He arrived as planned but after only ten days he wa... View more

Hi, my only son is in the army. I only get to see him at Xmas as he is based interstate. He was in Afghanistan for nine months this year. He was due to have six weeks leave with us from 11 December. He arrived as planned but after only ten days he was ordered to fly back to base due to Covid. I am really struggling with this as I have been looking forward to his trip all year. I keep crying and am so sad it is hard to take. I’m not looking forward to Xmas now at all. I just wish we could see him.

Popey Emotional Affair
  • replies: 2

I need advice - sorry it’s long I’ve been married to my childhood sweet heart for 20 years. It has been amazing except we never have sex. (Maybe twice a year if I instigate it). I absolutely adore him and would never ever have thought he’d cheat emot... View more

I need advice - sorry it’s long I’ve been married to my childhood sweet heart for 20 years. It has been amazing except we never have sex. (Maybe twice a year if I instigate it). I absolutely adore him and would never ever have thought he’d cheat emotionally or physically. The other night after a few wonderful days away with our children I thought I’d try for sex. I rolled up next to him and started kissing his neck without any response I tried a few more things and he didn’t more an inch or say a word. I felt absolutely dejected and worthless. (He is still warm to me outside the bedroom occasional hug and I love you). By chance today I had his iPad as it links to our movie tv and the kids have lost the remote so we use the iPad. I’ve never ever snooped on his personal phone or messages before but there was his message app. I opened it and it was him txting with his best friend. My husband was texting about a female who is his massage therapist and goes to the same boot camp as him. My husband was giving his mate a run down of how he feels when she massagers his body. (Not just his injured back). Im all for fantasying but! I think this is more than that. What should I do. I’m pretty sure if I mention the messages he’s going to blame me for snooping and not trusting him. im the main bread winner and cook dinner and breakfast every morning for the children. He isn’t stressed about work or anything like that.

AquaSun Frustrated and helpless
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I know the value of these forums and as a health practitioner with alot of mental health experience I have referred people to this site. Ironically I have felt helpless to manage my own family situation. I have a great marriage with a ve... View more

Hi everyone, I know the value of these forums and as a health practitioner with alot of mental health experience I have referred people to this site. Ironically I have felt helpless to manage my own family situation. I have a great marriage with a very caring husband but have an adult child with mental health problems who has no insight and refuses to take any medication anymore or seek intervention which makes our life very difficult at times. I'm wondering which forum is the best to post on. I don't want to give away too much as I know our child does occasionally look at this site and they would be very angry thinking I have disclosed anything. Our child lives away but comes home during breaks in study. Covid of course has been disastrous for their year and has seen them at home more this year with reluctance to go anywhere. We both feel as though we are suffering parental abuse and being judged constantly for our lifestyle choices , what we eat , what we wear, what we watch on television and who our friends are. At times we feel sorry for them as they have isolated themselves. Any input would be appreciated. Thank you.

NathanJames People like seeing others hurt *Trigger warning - violence*
  • replies: 5

Don’t really know what to say. I’ve had a lot of issues in the past 10 years and my current partner has always put me down about things and bringing up my step dad which I found dead when I was 15. She will use every bit of ammunition she has against... View more

Don’t really know what to say. I’ve had a lot of issues in the past 10 years and my current partner has always put me down about things and bringing up my step dad which I found dead when I was 15. She will use every bit of ammunition she has against me and use it. I currently have no job due to the coronavirus so I can’t just pack my bags and go like I have been wanting to do. I have spent many nights sleeping in the back of my Ute just to get away but can only do that so many times. I’m starting to black out and tend to start getting more and more violent but also at the same time starting to feel numb and not feel anything apart from anger. Why can I do? She seems to think it’s all a joke and she admits to doing it on purpose to hurt me. I’ve got no one I can stay with and no money to get me somewhere else

Jk12 Physically and mentally drained! Do I leave?
  • replies: 4

6 year relationship, 4 kids (3 step kids) Hes lazy he doesn’t do anything & when I do ask for help it turns into an argument because he takes it the wrong way, I then try and reassure that I’m just asking a simple question, there’s times where I get ... View more

6 year relationship, 4 kids (3 step kids) Hes lazy he doesn’t do anything & when I do ask for help it turns into an argument because he takes it the wrong way, I then try and reassure that I’m just asking a simple question, there’s times where I get called every name under then sun and then it all gets turned around on to me. I’m physically and mentally drained and I don’t think I can do it anymore. Im always worried about his feelings and how he would feel and how it would affect him and his life if I was to leave rather then worrying about myself and my mental health. It’s all just hit me because I had 3 people ask me if I was okay and if I was happy, I automatically said yes and then I had time to actually think about it and then it went downhill from there because I realised that I wasn’t happy.. I do love him there’s no doubt about that but I just don’t think I can do it anymore. There’s more bad days then what there are good. As soon as I ask for help wether it be around the house or with the kids he always responds with so don’t do anything for me or the kids and he’ll get someone else to help him with the kids while he goes to work ( I work aswell mon-fri). I feel like I’ve failed as a parent when he says that and then don’t really see a point on being around them or living with them. I’ve shut down, I’ve done nothing but cry for the last 4 days. I’m bottling everything up because I cannot communicate without getting abused & im constantly feeling like I’ve failed with everything. I just don’t know what to do anymore !?!