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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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bubbles85 Dating again
  • replies: 33

How do you know when your ready to date again? I'm struggling as I know I still really love my ex but I don't think we will be getting back together (even though contact seems to have started again... long story). I want to move on and part of me thi... View more

How do you know when your ready to date again? I'm struggling as I know I still really love my ex but I don't think we will be getting back together (even though contact seems to have started again... long story). I want to move on and part of me thinks trying to date may help. But I also know how I still feel about my ex so I just don't know what to do, I don't want to just use someone to work out my own feelings. And now days it's all done online which scares me, it was why I had been single for so long before my last relationship. How have others gone with this?

Mlkl My anxiety pushed my husband away
  • replies: 4

I’ve suffered anxiety for years, though with medication it’s easier to manage. this year my medication become unavailable. I can’t seem to get on top of anything that works like my regular one did. I was in my second marriage- 2 kids each. Similar ag... View more

I’ve suffered anxiety for years, though with medication it’s easier to manage. this year my medication become unavailable. I can’t seem to get on top of anything that works like my regular one did. I was in my second marriage- 2 kids each. Similar ages-now between 13-15. The start of our relationship was rocky with his kids, there was so much manipulation and jealousy from their mother through his kids. I didn’t handle well and spoke bad of their mum in front of them. After work of keeping this in check and years later things settled and we all had the best family unit!! My husband had a dream career he always wanted and while we both worked full time, I supported him to be able to do ALL of this. I loved being there by his side helping and sharing the journey. I stood up to pretty much care full time for everyone and take on running the whole house and choirs. I got to the point though, that I was panicked ALL the time about getting everything done and giving him all he needed. This turned into me yelling ALL the time and taking it out on him. I was drowning and all that was noticed was the way I was treating him. I have my kids 90% of the time and they help out and care.. we had his 50% and although the kids had amazing bonds, his drove me crazy in the end. They were lazy and so self consumed in only what they wanted and needed I took this out on him also. The respect they had for him was poor.. he knew this, but just wanted his kids to love him. This went on for the most of this year. So in the end, amongst my yelling and going off, saying I’d get help and telling him I needed help, but just couldn’t pluck the courage when I needed to, he had enough. He left. I felt so abandoned and hated him so much for leaving, (we had discussions about it being rough and sticking it out and it all getting better). We both swore we were sole mates, each other’s best friends, we had an amazing chemistry! Neither of us had experienced such love!! 2 months on and he says he’s made the right decision to leave, his kids don’t want him unhappy anymore... and I’m now grieving his loss and want it all back. I was doing awesome the first few weeks, life stopped, and I could breath. I just can’t move on. I’m seeing a counsellor, and it helps a bit. But I’m still grieving. After mixed messages from him. I have asked for no contact to heal. He can’t seem to leave me though. He wants contact wants to see the kids, they love catching up, but it’s too hard me.

jxav95 Relationship troubles
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, So I have a partner and have been with her for 6 years, but lately things haven't been really rocky. We've been arguing a lot and and it's really taking a toll on me. I try so hard to make sure she's happy and have everything she needs b... View more

Hi everyone, So I have a partner and have been with her for 6 years, but lately things haven't been really rocky. We've been arguing a lot and and it's really taking a toll on me. I try so hard to make sure she's happy and have everything she needs but when we argue she says that she's the only one trying in this relationship. I do love her dearly but I'm at the point where I don't know what to do anymore. A piece of me breaks away more and more each time we right and I'm just not sure how much I have left in me.

Mrs1979 Enabling triggered behaviours and how to leave
  • replies: 6

Hi, Married for 20 years. We have two kids, 11 and 7. My husband has always had depression and anxiety, but it’s now worse. He’s not on meds due to side effects (apart from medication for adhd) but exercises daily and sees a psychiatrist weekly. He i... View more

Hi, Married for 20 years. We have two kids, 11 and 7. My husband has always had depression and anxiety, but it’s now worse. He’s not on meds due to side effects (apart from medication for adhd) but exercises daily and sees a psychiatrist weekly. He is unable to move past a period where I didn’t provide support he needed. I’ve acknowledged I would do things differently now. But I did the best I could. My mum had just died, we had two small kids, he was away 12 hrs/day studying and I was working 4 days a week. He developed issues with my dad. I thought they’d pass, but in not doing anything he feels I chose my dad over him. Now if I mention dad, it triggers my husband. He calls dad a monster; he’s not. I rarely see dad because it makes things easier at home. Last time I said I want to see dad, my husband said fine it’s over. My husband is insecure. He asked me to ‘help’ by showing love. He needs ALL text exchanges to include ‘love you’ even if I said it 10 mins ago. I’ve tried to meet these needs; if I forget, I’m met with anger. I’ve dropped the kids at school, a block away, texted they’re ok (since Covid he has anxiety re them) but forgotten to say love you. When I get home, my husband is striding down the street angrily. At night, If I go past him without a kiss and ‘I love you’, I’m met with sighs and anger. This is dysfunctional behaviour, right? Even if he has been triggered? I think I should leave him, but am not strong enough. I’ve seen a psychologist who was awesome in validating my feelings but I don’t feel like she gave me more than moral support. I’m unable to take that final step. I don’t want to do that to the kids (he generally is a good father, esp. to our daughter). I don’t want the financial implications. I’ve always been the breadwinner. He’s worked casually at times but since completing his degree he doesn’t get much paid work (he’s in the arts). All we have is because of me; I’ve also done almost all the chores and child rearing. But moreover I don’t know how to hurt someone I care about. He thinks about suicide frequently. He says he should leave, but on the few occasions I agreed he’s gotten so angry. And I tell him I love him and don’t want him to leave. It’s not a healthy relationship. I keep triggering him despite trying to please him. He feels like he doesn’t belong and unable to trust me because I apparently chose my dad. should I be more understanding of his childhood trauma? How do you hurt someone vulnerable, whom you love?

ShannonN Dealing with trust with partner after affair/s
  • replies: 3

Hi I try and keep this short as i can. I recent caught my partner again talking to a guy on social media with specific outcome of arranging a catchup., this is 3rd time in our 27 years life together. So we have decided to take a break. We had more ch... View more

Hi I try and keep this short as i can. I recent caught my partner again talking to a guy on social media with specific outcome of arranging a catchup., this is 3rd time in our 27 years life together. So we have decided to take a break. We had more chats about why this happening all the time then we had ever As after the 1st time, we really never deal with it and got back so quickly it was crazy, i must admit i put myself into work and other communities activities, and put her second over many years, and just spiralled from there leading into happening 2 more times, due to lack of respect and intimacy on my side, due to my stubborn ways Thing is , after realising that putting her second and not giving the love she needed, of course she look for it in other places, i was just to dumb to realise it We decided to only now to take a break,however try and re-connect and work on the things that been missing for so many years, so dont end such a long time together My issues now, is how to deal with trust in her and take her word for it, thats she still not talking to other guys on social media while we a going to try reconnect in our break. I just need tips in coping with not thinking the worse scenario all the time, and try and believe what she says without being in face about it all the time, as i know that will make things worse. should i just plan one day at time, or just even give up and move on, knowing it may happen even if she gets the love she needs from me.

Mamalife Addiction
  • replies: 3

I recently posted that I was concerned my husbandS depression is getting worse. He’s been saying for a while he doesn’t think he loves me but what was concerning me was the total lack of interest he was taking in the kids. It is now likely (but un pr... View more

I recently posted that I was concerned my husbandS depression is getting worse. He’s been saying for a while he doesn’t think he loves me but what was concerning me was the total lack of interest he was taking in the kids. It is now likely (but un proven) that he is using drugs. He has admitted to using in the past as an antidepressant but maintains he’s been clean for 5ish months. Looking back on his recent behaviour though I think he’s probably be using again for at least the last two. I asked him to leave last weekend and he did although he doesn’t admit to anything and then on Sunday he flipped his lid and text me horrible abuse saying he was never coming home. I know this isn’t him at all. We are all suffering big time especially our children. But I just don’t know where to from here if he doesn’t think he has a problem and certainly doesn’t admit he’s using at all. Onviously I’d like it to all work out and he gets help and we all live happily ever after but even if that doesn’t happen - if he’s a drug user I don’t want him with my kids unsupervised but until I can prove it how can I stop him?

Losingmyself Partner of an emergency worker
  • replies: 2

My partner works for Vic pol. I don’t. I am a very sensitive person and am finding it increasingly difficult to hold space for my partner as much as I want to be a source of support. The nature of my partners work can be very heavy and I see it takin... View more

My partner works for Vic pol. I don’t. I am a very sensitive person and am finding it increasingly difficult to hold space for my partner as much as I want to be a source of support. The nature of my partners work can be very heavy and I see it taking a toll on her and also now on me. If it continues likely on our relationship. I have shared my feelings and she is sorry that it’s impacting me and wants to take measures for it not to. I know it’s important for me to share my feelings but I don’t want her to feel alone also. Is there any one with personal experience being in relationship with an emergency worker and how do you navigate the heaviness?

Taannyyaa_xx Head vs Heart
  • replies: 1

Hi, So i am 36 weeks pregnant and am feeling very emtoional these days, thoughts will come into my mind at random and can often make me want to break down and cry, even if i know that they are far from the truth. Lately my thoughts have been telling ... View more

Hi, So i am 36 weeks pregnant and am feeling very emtoional these days, thoughts will come into my mind at random and can often make me want to break down and cry, even if i know that they are far from the truth. Lately my thoughts have been telling me that my partner doesnt find me attractive or want me anymore because ive gotten so huge and fat lately. Since ive been pregant we barely have sex or are intimate anymore, he tells me its because he is tired from work (which i know he really is) but i cant help thinking that there is another reason behind it. Today he went out to see an old female friend that i never met, i told him that i was completley okay with it and that i trusted him (which i do with all my heart) he came home very happy and more relaxed than i have seen him in a long time and had brought me home an expensive gift as well, telling me that he loved me so much and how he had so much fun catching up with his friends. Now deep down in my heart i knew he was speaking the truth and that there is nothing going on there at all but now i lay in bed overthinking everything and from my past relationship experience, all i can keep thinking is that he has to be cheating on me or something (my ex actually would play mind games anfnemotionally manipulate me). Like the gift was because he was guilty and that he doesnt want to have sex with me because he is getting it somewhere else... idk if any of this makes sense but these random thoughts that keep popping into my head on a daily base are starting to affect me and i dont know what to do. I feel like i cant talk to my partner because he will just think im being psycho and call me crazy like my ex did. I feel like this is all driving me insane

Acceptance_is_key Unplanned pregnancy
  • replies: 9

Hi, I have recently found out I am pregnant to a guy I have known only just over a month. He wanted me to abort it and continue seeing each other to see where things went. I on the other hand wasn’t comfortable with having an abortion. He doesn’t wan... View more

Hi, I have recently found out I am pregnant to a guy I have known only just over a month. He wanted me to abort it and continue seeing each other to see where things went. I on the other hand wasn’t comfortable with having an abortion. He doesn’t want anything to do with me and the baby so we are no long going to be seeing each other or communicating. Which is really heartbreaking as we both do like each other. I am scared and wondering if it’s better to terminate the pregnancy and have a shot with him. However I worry I would resent him for doing something I wasn’t 100% sure on doing. Has anyone experienced this or know of any women who have been through this? I feel empty and broken. This isn’t how I wanted to have my first baby. I worry my baby will think it’s father didn’t want them and if I would be enough. Looking for any advice or words of wisdom. Feeling very alone in this. I am 26 turning 27 next month also.

TheLastSlice_ofBread When I’m older
  • replies: 1

When I grow up I want to be like you I want to be caring I want to wear my heart on my sleeve I want to have good bearings On how my life should be You are not perfect Nor should anyone be But your core will always have an affect on me You are strong... View more

When I grow up I want to be like you I want to be caring I want to wear my heart on my sleeve I want to have good bearings On how my life should be You are not perfect Nor should anyone be But your core will always have an affect on me You are strong and brave I’m so sad you don’t see yourself that way You are my rock And now my foundational building block You have endured so much And had some real bad luck And this has made your beautiful soul shine through In everything you do Now I’m older I understand much more about your life choices I hope to be like a solider Listening to the wise voices That can guide me to be like you I’m so sorry for what he has put you through