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Where to from here?

Community Member

Hello to everyone,

I am not sure what to do, I have been married for nearly 14 years to my second husband who I have loved dearly. Howeve, last week I had my ex over from interstate and they both went to the footy but it did not end well. My ex is ill and we are not sure what is going to happen. Anyway he stayed with us for the weekend, and he witnessed the most horrific situation that he has ever seen and that was my husband was screaming, swearing abuse at both of us about no one listens to him and then one thing led to another and he must of fell down at least 4 times on the floor and was hot. My ex and tried to cool him down also I tried to call police and ambulance but he bolted up and shouted 'NO'. It came to a point where my husband attempted suicide. My husband does not remember this part at all. Also he had the nerve to raise his hand in front of my face and my ex faces like he was going to hit us. He has previously been bad before but to do this with other people is a worry. My ex called him a monster to my face and said he never wants to see my husband ever again and he is not welcome into the home the day he dies for the sake of our two sons (they are young men). I completely understand this but the image in our heads and how he behaved has got me worried and this week has been hard. he carries on like nothing has happened. There was no drinking or drugs involved. He does not have a job as he had a workplace injury a cupule of years ago. I completely understand his frame of mind would not be the best. but he will not seek help. I have no confidence left I am battling health issues myself, I have no close friends anymore as my husband drives them away. Anyway I have rambled on enough to where I think you would see the point. I would like some advice please to what do I do if he doesnt want to get help or take ownership?

4 Replies 4

Community Member

Sorry there hasn't been any replies but l'd say that night was about your ex.

lt's damn unnatural to expect them both to share a house with you for a wk l wouldn't do it with my ex for all the tea in China. Sounds like he tried with the footy but stuff but probably hated every minute of it . Then ex staying at the house on top of it and added to the fact h doesn't sound like he's been in a very good place mentally as is.either , he boiled over.

l'd say never have your ex stay again , would be the first place to start . Probably not even see him , apart from the few minutes it might take with kids coming or going although if he's interstate you probably don't see him in that way anyway.

Just thoughts. rx

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Sweetmonkey, can we offer you a warm welcome.

I'm sorry I have to agree with RX, but please stay with us, it's just our opinion and the thought of having your ex stay with you and then join your husband and go to the football may be beneficial if you had believed they would be OK together, sometimes this is possible and times where it couldn't be organised.

The problem is your husband has driven all your friends away, so it was a huge gamble asking your ex to come over and stay and unfortunately it didn't end very well.

If your husband doesn't want to get any help and doesn't remember what happened, then you need to make a decision whether or not you decide to separate, hoping this may make him realise that he does need help.

At the moment you are caught in an awkward situation and please remember that you may need help as well, just so you know how to cope with this situation.

Best wishes.


Community Member


Sounds like you are stuck in a difficult situation. First thing to understand (as mush as you might disagree) is to not have an ex partner bring in their outside issue into your life. That's pretty mush always going to cause people issues and it may not be healthy for your Husband. Have you asked him how he feels?

Your Husband has obviously been triggered by someone and he has become upset about something that is on his mind. Find out what it is and help him resolve it.

Thank you for.your kind thoughts.