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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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theotheraether Ruining my marriage
  • replies: 7

I have been married for just over a year. I met my wife 5 1/2 years ago and I love her immensely. However, the start of our relationship was very rocky. I was not in a good place, mentally, with a lot of anxiety, trust issues and depression. In the f... View more

I have been married for just over a year. I met my wife 5 1/2 years ago and I love her immensely. However, the start of our relationship was very rocky. I was not in a good place, mentally, with a lot of anxiety, trust issues and depression. In the first year I turned 40, and was made redundant from a business I'd helped build with two "friends" and this spiralled into us splitting up. I abandoned her and we were apart for 4 months. During that time, I descended even further, feeling paranoid and isolating myself. We reconciled and seemed to be going well until the following year, when we split again for couple of months. We got back together, I started therapy and I felt like we moved forward. However the undercurrent of hurt that I've caused in our relationship is still present to this day. Compounding this is my selfishness. She's rightly pointed out that instead of acknowledging the hurt I've caused her in the past, I avoid it to protect myself. I'm ashamed of the times I abandoned her, of the arguments we had, and I'm always terrified that bringing up the past will open those wounds, hurting her all over again, and reminding her of the selfish jerk she's with. My fear of this - and protecting myself from it - has meant I tiptoe around these things, especially reminders of what happened. She's asked me before to be bolder and approach her to address them, but then we fall into a happy period and I fear rocking the boat. So today, after another anniversary of a painful day, she said she wants a divorce. I don't blame her. By avoiding hurt, I'm still hurting her but despite being desperate to change for her and be a better partner, I feel like I'm incapable of becoming less protective of myself - being vulnerable and less selfish. As I don't have any friends to bounce this off, and my wife doesn't want to talk with me right now, I'm looking for a bit of perspective. Can I change - maybe through more therapy - to be the partner she needs or is there something fundamental missing in me? Therapy hasn't been helpful in the past, so I feel like this is insurmountable. Can I change and turn this all around?

Kaseyg1234 Relationship anxiety when boyfriend is away
  • replies: 3

Hi, I’m looking for ways to cope with relationship anxiety when it comes to males going out/on boys trips. I totally know in my head that everything will be fine leading up to the days and then when it’s time for him to actually be away I just overth... View more

Hi, I’m looking for ways to cope with relationship anxiety when it comes to males going out/on boys trips. I totally know in my head that everything will be fine leading up to the days and then when it’s time for him to actually be away I just overthink everything and my anxiety turns into anger and I don’t understand why I keep doing this. I want to be the girlfriend that is ok with him going away and doing things without me I just cant seem to do it. Has anyone got any suggestions on how I can help ease my anxiety and get through this week without turning into a crazy girlfriend.

jpcam Am I being paranoid. is this a healthy relationship
  • replies: 1

I’ve been a bit more down lately and sensitive. maybe because im hormonal at the moment. i have always been so forgetful and i never intend to not do things to hurt people. i usualy forget where i put my glasses or phone after a few seconds of puttin... View more

I’ve been a bit more down lately and sensitive. maybe because im hormonal at the moment. i have always been so forgetful and i never intend to not do things to hurt people. i usualy forget where i put my glasses or phone after a few seconds of putting it down. ive had really rough relationships in the past where i couldnt voice out my thought or actions or do anything i wanted ot thought was right. now i have this great partner who is good around the house and very good with my kid and always always. Who always wants the best for our future. he is like the househusband and i appreciate him for that, people usually tell me why is he acting more like the wife. But because he was raised a certain way around the house, Whenever i forget something he says ‘i should be more like this or that’ ‘i wish you where this or that’. but i told him how that made me feel worse and maybe help me or tell me in a not condescending manner and so he eventually stopped those words. i think now that he is fed up with me being so emotional all the time and picking up after a few of my shortcomings. he has started to just not care and leave cupboards open all the time (literally al. The drawers and doors open at the same time) (not even i would do that because those are so noticable), shoes out in the way on the floor, dirty clothes hanging around EVERYDAY now. to be honest those were things i would do just once in a while. I would never do things intentionally because i feel so bad whenever someone calls me out on it and i do fix it right away. now i just feel hurt because i know for a fact that he would never just forget to do those things properly. And whats hurts most is that he is intentionally doing that to make a point and get back at me. i might just be paranoid. why is he doing that to me. it hurts because i would never intentionally forget to do things like he is doing now. it hurts because, i feel like is that what he feels. Even though i explained to him i forget because i forget not because i want to piss him off by doing things a certain way. i try not to forget and even after all the other good things i do. One little mistake i do feels he makes me feel like ive never done anything right.

Sam22 Life falling apart
  • replies: 1

Hi All, Thankful for this forum and community in tough times I feel I need to express my feelings somewhere. Ive had a few knocks lately, the first is my 5 yr marriage my husband and I lead seperate lives we haven’t been intimate for over 3 yrs now a... View more

Hi All, Thankful for this forum and community in tough times I feel I need to express my feelings somewhere. Ive had a few knocks lately, the first is my 5 yr marriage my husband and I lead seperate lives we haven’t been intimate for over 3 yrs now and this may be due to initial arguments and some things said that we haven’t healed from, however my husband is a very strong silent type and spends most of his non work time pursuing his hobbies without me and even though we’ve acknowledged that we don’t spend any time together outside the house and I no longer feel connected to him, it doesn’t change no matter the numerous times I’ve raised it. I sent him a link to book a dinner for us as he has only done this a few times over the years and sadly he still hasn’t booked it. He likes to ‘intellectually’ argue and on the weekend he got frustrated at me for not wanting a robust discussion - I prefer to avoid heated debates on race/religion etc where possible - and as he tells me because I can’t manage debates I’m unable to understand other people’s views and I feel like a stupid child in this house. On top of this I’ve fallen out with 2 closest friends for seperate reasons, the most recent incident last week I realised my friend had deleted a message chat in my phone and when I asked her about it she said ‘i have no recollection of this’ which didn’t seem genuine to me and I’m wondering why she’s concealed something from me and then also accuse me of overreacting? So we have t spoken in sever days now. Then also last week after working close to 60+ hr weeks for over 2 years my company gives me an ‘unsatisfactory’ rating despite the fact they acknowledged the measures were largely beyond my control (the project I was on was shutdown by leadership so naturally didn’t deliver the results forecasted) and I realise I’ve wasted many days and nights slogging away on a place that doesn’t actually value me. I’ve gone above and beyond and for noting. So it’s dawned on me that I’m the central theme here and whether it’s my husband or my friends or my workplace I’m not really valued or respected and I try really hard but clearly something isn’t working and I’m pretty lost. I feel I’ve given a lot of time, care and love to these things and here I am realising none of these things love me back. Thanks for listening it means a lot to have people here me.

Zay Intimacy Decline
  • replies: 4

My partner and I have been together for 2 years now. We have been through many ups and downs but have always came out strong standing side by side. Lately things have been rockier than usual and I have been so stuck at how to fix things or how to fee... View more

My partner and I have been together for 2 years now. We have been through many ups and downs but have always came out strong standing side by side. Lately things have been rockier than usual and I have been so stuck at how to fix things or how to feel. We currently run a business together and things had been quite slow and then coronavirus hit and things got really tough due to all the pressure and stress of the business, intimacy declined rapidly between us. We haven’t had sex in 5 months and other displays of intimacy like little hugs and kisses have stopped. Ive tried speaking to him about this as I was concerned and he insists it is stress but every time I try to rationally talk about it or try to be intimate we end up fighting and I end up really upset. I really want to help him and talking is not helping, I’ve tried to give him some space to but things haven’t improved greatly if not they have gotten worse. How can I make us feel great again even if he is not ready to be intimate and how can I approach things better?

Purple4 So angry
  • replies: 69

I am so angry and confused. A few hours ago my 22yr old daughter called be upset and confided that she has been having a sexual relationship with her therapist. I told her that her therapist has betrayed her trust and that she needs to report him. Sh... View more

I am so angry and confused. A few hours ago my 22yr old daughter called be upset and confided that she has been having a sexual relationship with her therapist. I told her that her therapist has betrayed her trust and that she needs to report him. She thinks she is in love with him. I asked her to call beyond blue for and unbiased point of view. She just finished telling me that the beyond blue person she spoke to said that this was ok as it is mutual. Seriously is this true? I am furious, angry, sad, hell I feel so helpless right now

Daniel123 Understanding vulnerability and developing relationships.
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, im new here, im currently seeing a counsellor for my anxiety. As a part of this, ive examined my relationships with other people, and i feel like ive never been very close, and that theres a lot more possible that i dont understand. I al... View more

Hi everyone, im new here, im currently seeing a counsellor for my anxiety. As a part of this, ive examined my relationships with other people, and i feel like ive never been very close, and that theres a lot more possible that i dont understand. I always felt different in primary school but entering high school really made me put on a persona, to others and myself, that caused me to express myself honestly as little as possible. This hung around and got worse after finishing school and not really doing anything with myself. Ive more truely recognised the extent of this recently, and im now trying to practice being vulnerable. Im hopeful that it will put me on the path to connecting better eventually. Id love to hear if anyone else has gotten through a similar path themselves, where they couldnt envision honest relationships and connections to other people, but have been open and are fulfilled now?

Maa Married, devastated as recently broke up emotional extra marital affair
  • replies: 14

Hi I don’t know what to do with myself so trying to get help on this forum. It’s a long story so please bear with me. I am married with 3 kids and a loving husband. My marriage has its ups and downs but never ever thought of leaving my husband. So my... View more

Hi I don’t know what to do with myself so trying to get help on this forum. It’s a long story so please bear with me. I am married with 3 kids and a loving husband. My marriage has its ups and downs but never ever thought of leaving my husband. So my story Last year in December I got a text from the man I once loved 18 years ago wishing me “happy birthday”. I was excited to see that oh! he still remembers me and thinks about me. I replied and as he lives overseas and we were not in touch for last 18 years (except for inquiring about each other’s lives occasionally from a common friend) we started catching up via text message. He told me how he never got over me and till date thinks about me and I m always his first love. Slowly we started talking everyday. I felt 16 again, I was floating, blissful, talking to him was like my lifeline. Though we are 5000kms apart but he became part of me to a point that I woke up in the morning so could text him and slept at night to dream of him. The feeling were the same on the other side too. Then in July I went overseas with my family for a holiday and I met him for a coffee. There was nothing physical between us but we hugged each other and held hands. I came back to Australia with promises we made to each other that we will never end this beautiful friendship and believed we are true soulmates. Then in November he tells me that his wife has starting doubting him as he is on his ph a lot and she is making his life miserable by questioning him all the time. I asked him” should we end it”, he said no but we should slow down but he just stopped texting me altogether and told our common friend to take care of me and that he cannot continue. I m devestated now, I m heartbroken, can sometimes physically feel my heart aching. I sleep crying thinking about him and wake up crying. I m so occupied with my grief, anger and loss that I just can’t function. My husband is worried for me as he is clueless why I m acting like this. My pain is so bad that sometimes I feel like hurting myself so he finds out and contacts me again. I m trying everything, meditation, exercise but nothing is helping. I know I should concentrate on my family and kids but I just can’t whatever I do I m so obsessed with his thoughts that I can’t. Everyday seems so long and empty like my life.

merrymagicmoon My heterosexual fiancé is bisexual and has been cheating on me
  • replies: 12

I just found out that my heterosexual fiancé is actually bisexual. More importantly, I also discovered that he has been cheating on me with other men online by chatting with hordes of strangers, even before we met. He has been exchanging NSFW picture... View more

I just found out that my heterosexual fiancé is actually bisexual. More importantly, I also discovered that he has been cheating on me with other men online by chatting with hordes of strangers, even before we met. He has been exchanging NSFW pictures with other men online and engaging in online sexual talk, even after we began dating. As of yesterday, he was still talking to these men We both have LGBTQI friends that we love and care for dearly. But in the 3 years we’ve known each other, he has always asserted he’s heterosexual and we were planning to get married 20 months later. We had a calm and tearful chat about this when I found out. He finally admitted that for his whole life, he has always felt that he’s bisexual. He also claims that he has only been physically intimate with one man before but this happened during the course of our relationship when he was away on vacation. We were arguing and he hired a male escort. He claimed that he didn’t enjoy the sexual experience at all. He has been sorrowful, kept apologising and insists that his love for me is genuine. He says he doesn’t expect me to forgive him but he really wishes I could still give him a chance. He also acknowledges that he didn’t realise this before but he now realises that his attitude has been selfish and his actions hurtful. He also feels that he has been addicted to the online interactions because of the thrill it brings, and he didn’t realise that it was cheating on me. He has agreed with me that he needs to speak to a therapist about his issues. At this stage, I feel so lost. I don’t know whether to call off our engagement. I’m still in disbelief because we have a happy and strong relationship, and he is a sweet and wonderful person. To further exacerbate the problem, I’ve also moved away from my home country and settled down in Australia where he is from. I don’t know if I can still trust him after all this deceit even though he kept saying over and over that he truly loves me and wants to spend his life with me. He was intending to keep up this charade even after we marry. As this is all still so raw, I’m feeling lost.

Seren13 How can I help my depressed mum in the UK
  • replies: 2

Hi I’ve never posted here before but I’m at a bit of a loss as to how to help my mum. She’s in the uk and on her own and suffers a bit with depression normally but can usually keep herself busy and keep it at bay. But with the whole Covid thing she’s... View more

Hi I’ve never posted here before but I’m at a bit of a loss as to how to help my mum. She’s in the uk and on her own and suffers a bit with depression normally but can usually keep herself busy and keep it at bay. But with the whole Covid thing she’s found herself very isolated and has been talking about how nobody would miss her if she was gone as she doesn’t have anyone. My problem is that I don’t have the right words to help her, I’ve tried acknowledging her feelings, suggesting she sees a doctor, calling her close friends to check in on her and asking my brother for help (he just gets irritated by her and withdraws) but nothing seems to be working and I really don’t know what else to do. I can feel myself getting angry with her and I need that to not happen as it’s not going to help anyone but what more can I say? If these were normal times I’d be booking a flight to see her but I can’t even do that right now. Can anyone help?