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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Becka1972 FIFO WORKER - my ex is using my son as a pawn
  • replies: 3

Hi Everyone Hope you are well, over the last 12 months my ex constantly tries to intimidate me, threaten me, and try and coerce my beautiful boy who is cared for my Dad whilst I’m away. I’m currently in quarantine in WA (negative results came back) -... View more

Hi Everyone Hope you are well, over the last 12 months my ex constantly tries to intimidate me, threaten me, and try and coerce my beautiful boy who is cared for my Dad whilst I’m away. I’m currently in quarantine in WA (negative results came back) - but he is now trying to drag in that there is no support for my son amongst other things. I’m working away to save the money to pay the cruel person he is out. This cruel person does not pay child maintenance, does nothing have his own home, has had multiple girlfriends and his own other children are reluctant to speak with him. I lost my second eldest to suicide and I’m still suffering badly and I have never stopped him from seeing his son, never asked him for help and played nice. In the last week I have had very very little sleep and this cruel person is and has only taken his son on school holiday possibly 3-4 weeks in the last 4 years. He never assisted when the schools shutdown with Covid and home schooling and I’m absolutely lost as to why this cruel man forceably made me contact child support and make it a private agreement. That was 12 months ago and I still haven’t seen a single cent. It doesn’t bother me, but why are they so cruel.

chilloice Advice on whether to explain why I broke up with my ex bf
  • replies: 9

I broke up with my ex three months ago, and at the time I didn't fully explain why. The main reasons I didn't were that (1) I wasn't (and still am not) fully understanding of what my reasons for ending it were, and (2) any reasons I did have I percei... View more

I broke up with my ex three months ago, and at the time I didn't fully explain why. The main reasons I didn't were that (1) I wasn't (and still am not) fully understanding of what my reasons for ending it were, and (2) any reasons I did have I perceived as hurtful if I were to tell him. We had been together for just under 2 years for reference. Upon reflection, I feel one of the biggest reasons I ended it is that I was losing trust in him and felt drained by the strains of the relationship. Since the beginning of the relationship, he has been dealing with an addiction and also hasn't achieved much for himself - he wouldn't study or work or progress himself, and every time he started something that was along these lines (i.e. start studying a course), he would eventually drop out after a few months and end up just spending his time playing computer games and staying home. Meanwhile, I was studying full time and trying to keep balance in my life, and found that I would often feel guilty for not spending as much time as possible with him because "he felt he was at the bottom of my priority list". In his eyes, and as he would tell me often in the last few months of the relationship that I was "the only good thing in his life" and that he wanted to stay with me because there was nothing objectively wrong with our relationship. For me though, feeling the pressure to give him so much of my time made me feel like I was achieving less for myself. Several times throughout the relationship I felt like I couldn't take on new opportunities because it meant that I wouldn't be able to spend as much time with him as he needed and it would just create more conflict. When we had conversations about things like this, he would always state how he was happy for me to do things for myself and that it was important, but would still often jump immediately to the bad things that could happen if I did it - like me getting really stressed, or him again being at the bottom of my priority list. His addiction was also another major issue in the relationship, as he would often break my trust regarding the use of drugs. He is addicted to weed, and we'd agreed that he wouldn't smoke when I was over at his place (which was practically every time we saw each other because he never travelled to my place). I'd found out one day that he had been waiting for me to go to sleep before going outside to smoke, which I was really upset about. There's more to it, but should I tell him why I ended it?

Rainy80_ Husband left me
  • replies: 5

My husband has been struggling with a mid Life Crisis and has decided it's time to move out and find someone esle we have been married for 13 years we have had our differences but he has totally changed but turned it all on me and I'm lost I'm still ... View more

My husband has been struggling with a mid Life Crisis and has decided it's time to move out and find someone esle we have been married for 13 years we have had our differences but he has totally changed but turned it all on me and I'm lost I'm still in love with him I already suffer from anxiety and depression and this is killing me I'm trying not to contact him to give him space I don't know what to do.

Dadage57 No sex with my wife is making me not love her as much
  • replies: 6

I know people will think im being very selfish but i believe modern gadgets are not helping We are on our 2nd marriage and we have had 10 glorious years of love and happiness, I am 61 and my wife is 57, we share the same interests and always holding ... View more

I know people will think im being very selfish but i believe modern gadgets are not helping We are on our 2nd marriage and we have had 10 glorious years of love and happiness, I am 61 and my wife is 57, we share the same interests and always holding hands in public or kissing in public. She had a hysterectomy a few years ago but still our sex drive between us was fantastic. My wife does suffer depression and has been on medication for many years For the last 6 months or so our sex life has stopped to the fact where we have sex maybe once a month and then its the same spoon position and no kissing. I've tried so hard to do other things to no avail. She has a iphone and ipad and when she gets home from work the ipad comes out and that gets her attention weather it be fb or google etc We then have dinner and its back to the ipad, we then go to bed and its the ipad and then she closes it off and goodnight... I lay there watching tv, i always hold her leg and always caressing her leg but nothing happens. We have spoken about it and she told me i dont know why i dont fancy it and im sorry Ive asked her about worries, stresses, and things like that... I cant help it if i love to make love to my wife and if love to kiss her but its all stopped and im getting so worked up by it i dont know what to do. I asked if she still found me attractive and she says yes, she tells me she loves me every day but as of late im not saying it back, i dont know why but all i can think of is that im angry with her. Even if we go out in the car for a ride or on holiday she sits there next to me on her phone or ipad She was a addict with online scrabble but after a sarcastic comment she went and deleted it. We used to even lay there in bed holding hands and then her iwatch thing would buzz and she would dismiss me and go to notification etc.. or say someone is calling and everything stops Im trying my best not to be selfish on this but im really at the end of my tether... Thanks for reading

Jurani Unsure about my current relationship !
  • replies: 7

I'm wondering if I should continue with my partner. We've been together for 6 years. During this course, he's opened up to me and told me about his past. We come from different backgrounds. I had alot of trouble accepting some of the things he'd done... View more

I'm wondering if I should continue with my partner. We've been together for 6 years. During this course, he's opened up to me and told me about his past. We come from different backgrounds. I had alot of trouble accepting some of the things he'd done, but somehow managed to accept them. The past two years have been unstable however. He was working casually full time, but had a couple of months with erratic workshifts. We were not living together at that time. I helped him out financially a few times and in total gave him $5000 to cover his expenses [not all at once]. That was probably 3 years ago. He now has a permanent full time job. A few months after this, he told me that he wouldn't support ME financially. I actually don't need him to but that made me angry. He moved in with me a year ago but I was hesitant to do this and put my thought process down to Covid which had hit at that time. His sister spilled the beans on him on a visit and mentioned that she'd given him $35,000 [just before we met apparently], which I knew nothing about. This coincided with me giving him $5000 in increments. After he'd filled me in on his past, I asked him if there was anything else he needed to tell me and he said 'no'. This was obviously a lie because there was no mention of the money his sister had given him. I asked him what he'd used it for and he said he had bills [overdue] and some other expenses. Since I found this out I'm struggling with it. As I was handing over increments of money, there was NO mention that his sister had also given him a huge amount. I told him he couldn't have had THAT many expenses to cover [with her money] and to date, he's given me no explanation. I feel violated. Before he moved in, sometimes I'd leave him at my place if I had to nip out. I had a money tin which I kept cash in to pay for bills. I always knew how much I had in there. Some of that money went missing. I told him about this and he said I must have miscalculated the amount. I then showed him my ledger [he didn't know I had this] and no I hadn't made a mistake and the money never turned up anywhere. At that point he was struggling financially, and insisted it was me who made the mistake [not true]. I've since put the money into a safe I bought and it's all adding up correctly. Before this, I had 3 lots of money go missing. Him not coming clean about the money his sister gave him is now making me not trust him. Should I end it?

Ashley86 I'm new here
  • replies: 3

Hi there I am new here and really don't know where to start. I guess I will tell you about myself. I'm from Canada and moved to Perth Australia back in 2018. I am married but planning on getting out once I get approved for my permanent visa in Septem... View more

Hi there I am new here and really don't know where to start. I guess I will tell you about myself. I'm from Canada and moved to Perth Australia back in 2018. I am married but planning on getting out once I get approved for my permanent visa in September. I thought I married a good man but instead I'm married to a narricist abuser. Not only am I constantly walking on eggshells but I am trying to work on myself as I suffer from major depression and anxiety disorders. I suffer from BPD and OCD. I am doing my best to work on myself but I am struggling. I'm trying to make friends here but once someone finds out about my current situation I don't usually hear back from them. I don't have any family here so why do I stay? I stay because I love Australia, the weather, my church family. The mental health services here are truly amazing. I finally have a great GP and a phycitrist. I also have my rescue dog Rosie who gives me love, joy and happiness each and every day. I feel I could make it work here in Australia but I am scared. I am scared of the unknown and I am scared of being alone.

SingleMum123 Struggling with full-time work and single parenthood
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I recently started a full-time job after being a stay at home mum for a long time. My partner and I separated earlier this year. These are the first school holidays I've had to not spend as much time with my child. It's been harder than ... View more

Hi everyone, I recently started a full-time job after being a stay at home mum for a long time. My partner and I separated earlier this year. These are the first school holidays I've had to not spend as much time with my child. It's been harder than I imagined. I started this job in a lockdown and have been working at home. It's been good for bring close to the school for after school care drop off and pick ups but it has been isolating not seeing my office or my co-workers in person. I feel so guilty not having the time with my child even though I have quality time with her before and after work. Everything feels so busy and I feel pulled in every direction. My ex partner is not very supportive and gets me to arrange everything. I feel like I can't talk to my family. I honestly just want a hug. I'm finding my job difficult and I'm not in a position where I can just give it up. I don't know how I'm going with it performance wide because of the work situation. I haven't met my boss. I feel like crying. Right now, I don't know if things will always feel this hard or I'd things will improve. Thanks.

Rac_ Never will fit in with my Partner’s family
  • replies: 2

I go through stages of being ok with the situation and then on occasions when we go to family events, it rehashes everything for me and I feel intimidated, angry and stressed. I love my partner dearly but I don’t really ‘fit in’ or feel included in h... View more

I go through stages of being ok with the situation and then on occasions when we go to family events, it rehashes everything for me and I feel intimidated, angry and stressed. I love my partner dearly but I don’t really ‘fit in’ or feel included in his family, certain family members disliked me from the get go. how does everyone else deal with family issues?

Maryblue advice on new relationship
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone I'm feeling anxious about a 10m relationship that I am in and i'd love some advice. They are a wonderful partner, caring; kind and solid as a rock, and I am extremely happy and we have so much joy together. We agree on so many issues, but... View more

Hi everyone I'm feeling anxious about a 10m relationship that I am in and i'd love some advice. They are a wonderful partner, caring; kind and solid as a rock, and I am extremely happy and we have so much joy together. We agree on so many issues, but we have also come up with some ethical differences that we have found. They believe in abortion however I do not, but they would support me in my choice to keep the child and have committed to be there through it all. They believe they would choose to abort a child for having a suffering medical condition, however I would not do this; although it's important to note that both of us have compassionate reasons for our choices. This makes me concerned about our different world views and how we would navigate it. It's also stressful because I am so happy with this person; and I know that no-one is perfect. I would like someone that im on the same page with on this issue, but I also am very much in love the person i'm with and I know that there are always differences in relationships. I also know that we are talking about hypothetical situations that may never even occur. So i'm seeking advice on whether this is in the range of 'normal/navigatable differences' in a relationship' or is this something I should take strongly into consideration when thinking about the future?

Baffi Hi i am new and just got out of mental abuse relationship
  • replies: 10

Hello everybody I feel very lucky to have found this forum. Hopefully i can get some advice here and help some members too. About me, 50 years, 2 kids, single mum, healthcare professional. I met 1 1/2 years ago, which i thought at that time, a lovely... View more

Hello everybody I feel very lucky to have found this forum. Hopefully i can get some advice here and help some members too. About me, 50 years, 2 kids, single mum, healthcare professional. I met 1 1/2 years ago, which i thought at that time, a lovely foreign guy, who is younger than me. We fell in love, he was the most caring and sweetest soul. Until the 1st lie showed up. He was actually married, according to him, marriage was broken down and he had a small child. He was just waiting for his papers in agreement with his wife and to get in the future divorced. Slowly he became more controlling “where have you been?” and asking for screenshots when i was going out. Which kind of annoyed me, but idiot me, thought no harm done in sending them. Then everything became worse and worse. He would literally make up stories about me in his mind. He got jealous about Gardeners, ex husband, coles click and collect guy and my workmate, lets’s call him Aaron. Aaron is in a relationship and i am not attracted to him at all. But he would not stop. In between he would say sorry and being sweet again. And i would fall over and over in his trap, believing that finally he understood that i am loyal to him and that i love only him. We would spend the weekend together, all perfect. After that, silent treatment. Which confused me. In 1/2 years i have heard it all. From name calling, over suspicious brusing on my body. We would fight, break up and be together again. This story went on and on. I started to cry at work, he would constantly ring me at work , video calls! He would never stop. He was paranoid on my bday about Aaron so he didnt come. He said sorry later and brought gifts. I was so hurt. Still am. Who does that?! He also had claimed that he had put cameras in my house. He would sms that he is watching the footage and i had a guy in the house, and go mental at me. I would go more mental because i knew he lied because noone was in my house. We had a bad fight recently i drove to meet him, we talked and all was good. Just to receive later a message, something like “ thank you for all, i will never meet you again. I replied the same and added that i would rather be dead than going through this nonsense on a daily basis. I feel just so broken. I almost had a mental break down at work, i am still crying a lot. I feel so broken beyond repair. I wonder how i could give him my heart and he had nothing else in the mind to destroy me and to do a character assassination.