Last Saturday, my sister J and her friend D, who she hadn't seen in a long time (and does not have holidays often), went out for a catch-up lunch together at D's house. At the same time, I was going to travel to my boyfriend B's house for his nephew's birthday party. Our mother took 1 car, and J took the other car to see D. I initially declined to go with her as I had planned to take Uber to B's house. (B had just finished work, and he lives 35 mins away from me)
Father did not approve of this, and insisted to take J's car. I said no and attempted to go out by myself to take public transport. He persisted, lecturing me about 'buses being unsafe and Uber being costly', and proceeded to call J. I argued and pleaded with him not to do it, even attempting to leave, but he blocked my way, grabbed my phone and insisted I stay. Against my will, he angrily called J and insisted she cancel her lunch now, go back home and give the car for him to drive me to B's house. He called her 3 times, which J eventually gave in on the 3rd call. When J told D about the situation, D got very upset and angry, and scolded her off for wasting time together when I could have 'gone myself'. She eventually got up and criticised her for being a 'bad friend' and told her 'never to speak to her again'. When J got home eventually, she was in tears and absolutely furious. She screamed at me for ruining her lunch, that I lack independence and maturity, that she was sick of 'being my personal servant', and that she just wanted to be an adult for once.
I stayed at B's house for the whole weekend, crying incessantly and sitting alone, not being able to enjoy his nephew's birthday or talk to anyone. I had apologised to J and D, explaining what had happened, that I was truly sorry and promising to work on being more independent. They have both not forgiven me, saying it's too late to change things and that I was making excuses. D has additionally unfriended and blocked me.
While J and I are still talking, she has refused to assist me and go out on outings together. I only see her in the morning, when we both go to our own work. Even then our conversations have been reduced to small talk and then she leaves.
Yes, responsibility and maturity is important and I have to be accountable. However my father had completely disrespected my decisions and capability to do them, and still treats me like a child. I am trying to improve myself, to be a better person. But I also feel very angry at father, and blame him for putting his mouth in when it wasn't his problem. I am torn between feeling responsible and also being a scapegoat.
