Hi, welcome
It isnt easy in these initial periods of major adjustment.
I'm 70yo but at 39yo my marriage dissolved. I had two children 7 and 4yo. I had no option but to leave the family home over the abuse that my then wife threw at me daily.
Every day for the first 3 months I'd ring the childrens school at 9:15am asking if my kids had arrived on time because my ex was notorious for sleeping in and very lazy. Every day they did arrive before 9am!! Then the principle told me- :children are resilient, they adapt better than adults do, take care of yourself Tony and they will enjoy a healthy father all their lives.
So I stopped ringing, got fit and one day I walked past a real estate agents and saw a block of land and bought it. Every day I'd clear the land, have a fire and billy tea then erected a shed. Soon I was building a kit home. I suddenly realised- being distracted, particularly is every day you were exhausted, was the best medicine for recovery.
You are welcome here to add to your ongoing emotional feelings, discuss anything at all or start a new thread anytime.
My father once said- "best to be the best part time dad in the world than no father at all". So true. Yes its a testing time but focus on being the best you can be. BTW my eldest daughter is now 36yo and expecting her first new born, my first grandchild this month. Being a grandfather is an honour and your life will also be fulfilled in similar ways in the future.
Thankyou for your courage.
Wrote a letter in an attic on a cloudy day of pain
Sent it to my folder, labelled “regretfully insane”
Couldn’t mail it to my youngest in her typical silent way
“You needed me in London- I’d swim if I could not pay”
And the fairies played their bugles while in slumber land
And the teddy’s cared for all, so they could understand
That the song of love was one sided in my life of joy
I wish I could master being hugged - of being just a toy
And the forces I do not know are there for all to see
If we searched hard enough they laugh – laugh so merrily
But it comes to loving parents when the corner has a bend
That’s why I mask my pain with rhymes I never send
And those fairies still play their bugles and Barbie’s do their hair
I can look closely still, but there’s only one daughter there
In a room of joy and words meant to harm and annoy
I wish I could master the magic- of returning to a toy…
A price to pay for kindness, returned without a task
A symbol of returning care- isn’t much to ask
There was a time I told her I’d swim if I could not pay
All the love I had, from an overcoat of grey….
There are too many mirrors in her life of sanity
And words of care are missing not eyes of vanity
There’s a poem of hope gathering dust and almost in decay
“I’d swim to London to save you…if daddy cannot pay…”
TonyWK
