I MUST let go

new_beginning · ‎19-02-2017

So if its alright with everyone this is going to be the place i come to visit instead of reaching out to someone who doesnt love me or even think of me as a human anymore. When i want to send him a message or talk to him im going to write what im feeling here.

I need to stop thinking of him as someone who made me so very happy, someone who i thought i could spend the rest of my life with. Someone who i forgave horrible betrayals for because they were the one for me. He's not a friend. Not a parenting partner. He is nothing to me now and as much as it tears me apart i am nothing to him.

I want to let go of his hold on me, all the horrible things i was told i was. I want it all gone. I dont want to spend my days on the couch crying because i miss him and miss having a connection with him. I want to find that beautiful person who i used to believe i was. That healthy fit kind independant person who was an amazing mother, always there to help friend and the person who felt like she was worthy of being known and cared for.

I want to meet new people and be interesting and fun and live the life i deserve. I want to laugh!

I am a really nice person and if your reading feel free to leave a comment, some advice or perhaps looking for a friend, i am here and i want to get to know you!

Better days are coming and they are starting right now

BballJ · ‎22-02-2017

Hi new beginning,

Wow it is so hard to read your posts, the pain coming through the writing is huge and I can feel it, I wish I had the perfect piece of advice to offer you that would make you feel better but I don't... I can keep offering my support so you don't feel so alone as everyone is on your post as well. I am a little disappointed with all those re-directing calls you got, has anyone called you back since you posted last?

My best,

Jay

CMF · ‎23-02-2017

Hi NB,

im sending you a big hug. Your first post could have been written by me, it is exactly my feelings too. I know exactly how it feels to be on a high and feel confident and in control, only to have it come crashing down. I also know what it's like to have the father of your baby turn his back on you during pregnancy and the fears and worries it causes. I know it's hard to have to have that connection when trying to move on.

You WILL get through this. You and your children are most important. You're a great mum thinking about them the way you do. They are THE most precious gift and they will grow up to know who was there for them.

I feel for you so much.

I'm sending you strength and light to help you through and guide you. To hold you up when you feel you're falling and support you when you get back up.

cmf x

CMF · ‎23-02-2017

Hey NB,

I hope today is better for you. Just a thought, have you organised for him to pay child support? Regardless of who he want to spend his life with he is still partly financially responsible for his children. It does not all fall on your shoulders.

cmf x

new_beginning · ‎23-02-2017

Its not looking promising. I got up got the kids in the bath bawled my eyes out got them out and got my son ready for school. Havent moved of the couch since he left. Sent my ex some texts stupidly.

Ive just had enough.

I havent persued anything because i honestly believed he would come back. Ive asked him and hes given me $400 for the entire this and last year. He said if he doesnt get her overnight he doesnt need to pay and if i tried anything he would take our daughter away and would be able to because of all the horrible texts ive sent him that he has kept.

I just cant function properly anymore and im tired of hurting.

And all because i love someone and wanted a life with them. Its so stupid

Jugglin_Strugglin · ‎23-02-2017

OOOOOOOOOOOWords are not enough. Wrapping you up in hugs for now. OOOOOOOOOOOO

new_beginning · ‎23-02-2017

Im not sure what i was expecting to happen by coming here. I hoped it would make me feel better somehow.

I appreciate everyone whos taken the time to read and respond to my whinging.

Ive realised that no one can help me and its just something i have to accept.

Goodluck with your own problems

JessF · ‎23-02-2017

Hello new beginning, I hope this doesn't mean that you are leaving us? It doesn't sound like today has been a very good day, and more than ever on bad days I find that reaching out for support is better than cuting myself off. We are here for you. "Better" is not something that happens in a few minutes, or even a few days, but one day, one hour, one minute at a time, and I think you know this. You haven't been "whinging", you have been helping yourself by expressing your grief to lighten the heavy burden you're feeling right now.

Please look back on your first few posts and try to hold on to that hope. You are a nice person, as you said, here and wanting to get to know us. You want to live a life you deserve, meet new people, laugh. This is as good a place as any to start. You don't have to be putting on a brave face all the time, or any of the time, in here. Come as you are, as we all do, and just sit out the storm with some online company.

Jugglin_Strugglin · ‎23-02-2017

I hope I didn't upset you. I'm sorry if I did. I can just feel how you feel. I have been in similar situation. Very alone. You have certainly not been whinging. You have a right to be screaming.

As Jess said, it feels good to get things out, and maybe a little bit of any replies may help you get up.

You said "When i want to send him a message or talk to him im going to write what im feeling here." So it'd be great if you did this. You can start a diary thread, try to make it clear if you don't want replies.

There are many people here that can help you get through this. But everyone's different and do things in their own way. You have shown you have strength. You are a nice person. You deserve to find someone who will love you.

CMF · ‎23-02-2017

I know you are not up to doing anything right now, but i want to tell you the following;

first of all, do you have the text threatening to take your daughter away if you try anything?

Second, the less often he has them over night the more he is liable for, child support is calculated on how many nights the children spend with each parent.

He is threatening and manipulating you, using scare tactics, will not look good for him. Can you seek legal advice, legal aid maybe. He definitely owes you child support.

cmf

BballJ · ‎23-02-2017

Hi new beginning,

We aren't listening to you whinging, we are listening to your problems and want to help as much as we can. As you can see many people here want to help so we do hope you stick around and continue posting so we can try to make you feel better.

My best,

Jay