I MUST let go

new_beginning · ‎19-02-2017

So if its alright with everyone this is going to be the place i come to visit instead of reaching out to someone who doesnt love me or even think of me as a human anymore. When i want to send him a message or talk to him im going to write what im feeling here.

I need to stop thinking of him as someone who made me so very happy, someone who i thought i could spend the rest of my life with. Someone who i forgave horrible betrayals for because they were the one for me. He's not a friend. Not a parenting partner. He is nothing to me now and as much as it tears me apart i am nothing to him.

I want to let go of his hold on me, all the horrible things i was told i was. I want it all gone. I dont want to spend my days on the couch crying because i miss him and miss having a connection with him. I want to find that beautiful person who i used to believe i was. That healthy fit kind independant person who was an amazing mother, always there to help friend and the person who felt like she was worthy of being known and cared for.

I want to meet new people and be interesting and fun and live the life i deserve. I want to laugh!

I am a really nice person and if your reading feel free to leave a comment, some advice or perhaps looking for a friend, i am here and i want to get to know you!

Better days are coming and they are starting right now

new_beginning · ‎21-02-2017

Its like we just broke up again now. Back to broken sleep. He had been telling me for the last year that there was hope that for a reconciliation and i believed that hoping one day it would happen and now hes met someone who apparently is the female version of him and perfect for him. Im shattered. Being told im the mother of his child and will never be a partner again and that he wont give us another chance coz this new possible relationship is too good to miss out on is hard. All when im having his unborn baby doing somersauts in my tummy. It laughable really. At the end of the day i do want him to be happy and if she does truely make him happy then good luck to them. What about me tho, ive gone through the death of a partner which took me 3 and a half years to move on from and now one that left me and its already a year and its still like this.. i just hope the councellor is a brilliant one who can help me because i cant see im going to get past this one alone this time

geoff · ‎21-02-2017

hello NB, when two people break up it could be for a couple of reasons, but they are important enough to realise that the two of you can't be together because of these disagreements, however anything else you both have is something that you hold true to your heart, unfortunately it's these other issues that are too strong for you both to continue being together, even though you love him.
It's awful when he finds someone else because you feel as though he's been stolen from you by this other person, especially when you are carrying his baby.
You are shattered and say that you hope he is happy, but deep down you say this out of respect to him, but really you can't get over and think about him spending his time with her, so this is what you are struggling with which I'm so sorry about. Geoff.

new_beginning · ‎21-02-2017

Obviously its hard that he wants to spend time with her and find out about her day when he has taken little interest in our daughter and has disowned our child from this pregnancy.

I just wish he had of told me the minute he had left that there was no going back and not led me on believing that there was hope. For starters there wouldnt be a child along the way and maybe it would have given me time to move on instead of living in hope that i could have that life and family again.

I do know i cant live like this anymore, already tonight ive for about 2 hours since 11 pm and waking up thinking about him as soon as i open my eyes.

He has not chosen me again and i dont want to continue chosing his happiness and freedom over mine

How do i get back to me tho?!?!!?

BballJ · ‎21-02-2017

Hi new beginning,

It's the almighty question after a bad break up.. how do I go back to "me", how do I go back to living the life I deserve... there isn't a real answer either that's half the battle with our minds... Unfortuntly as well moving on is that little bit harder as you have kids with each other.. so you will always be reminded of him. Your main focus should be your kids and giving them the best life you can. No one says it will be easy but my gosh those kids will grow up knowing what a great and amazing mother they have. You just have to keep your head up as much as you can and smile through the adversity.

My best,

Jay

new_beginning · ‎22-02-2017

I am really not in a good place. I have been trying to reach out to people and get things off my chest but the only prople who will answer the phone are my parents who have always hated my ex and just like to say i told you so and my ex who isnt really interested in hearing anything i want to say it always comes back to him some how and i think he only does it to use as ammo against me at a further date.

I deleted facebook permanently at the end of last year and thought maybe i should rejoin to try and get to know people to make new friends and put myself out there again but i can only think of 4 people who are my friends. 2 of which i met online dating websites that never went anywhere and 1 who i mrt through my sons playgroup who is going thru her own problems and someone ive know for about 13 years but betrayed me when everything fell apart with my ex and we havent spoken for the last year very much. So having fb just feels rediculous and embarrassing.

I called the help line last night because i just feel like in existing and i dont know what to do. I was given another number to call which i will do today.

Im so lonely and the realization of having noone is killing me.

I was soo excited to spend time with my 7 yr old son when he got home from school yesterday but when he got hime he wanted to play alone with his toys in his room.. i even found myself looking at late term abortions on the net because maybe it would be for the best? I know it would kill me tho and dont think i could honestly do it but i know either path for me im going to die alittle more.

I need to be someone who works and has a purpose rather than stay at home look after the kids alone. I need that adult interaction and i need to be making money so i dont have to struggle so badly.

People say well do something you love to take your mind of things.. i play with my kids but that doesnt take my mind of things for long. I want to build garden beds so we can get a veggie patch going but i dont have the motivation atm because i cant afford the soil to go in them. I love going camping but i cant even afford to drive to the supermarket 15km away more than once a week.

Im in just such a bad place and i dont know how to get out of it

Jugglin_Strugglin · ‎22-02-2017

Hi,

I can feel your pain. You are certainly in a hard place. Being late pregnant, there is probably not a lot you are going to be able to do to change your situation...in the short term. I think you have to accept that you must get through the next months before you can make any changes, but there are things you can do to plan for this time.

A purpose or goal is important to me too. When my life fell apart, I realised that my son could be my purpose. It made a big difference to my thinking. After all, our kids are prob the most important thing we contribute to life. I threw myself into making his life the best I could. Sometimes this is just cooking healthy food, or making sure the house is looking nice, or it is new outings, or getting involved in his schooling.

Another thing you can do now for yourself is to plan for the future. Could you do some online study to get a certificate etc to help with employment once your baby is old enough for daycare. I have seen 6wo babies in childcare, so you can start planning now to re-enter the workforce. It is not a long time away really. You just have to accept that you have to wait a few mths to get to this point. You will know your circumstances, & if there are other things you can do to plan for then. Is your resume up to date. Is your work wardrobe ready, (op-shopping is good retail therapy on a budget). Can you send letters with resume to possible employers now, or get them ready now, as you will be too busy with new baby. So your goal is to get a job as soon as you can in the future.

One plus is that you will receive more money once the baby is born, so that may help ease your finances soon. You could checkout what allowances&benefits that you are entitled to. They are always changing &bringing out new 'credit' things with power, ph etc, so make sure you are getting everything available.

Do you need fb in order to reach out to friends you have? Could you text or call the ones that would help you atm. Anyway, reconnecting on fb needn't be embarrassing, if you want to do that. I doubt anyone would think twice about seeing you back on there. It happens a lot, for many different reasons.

Please make that other ph call today. I hope you start to feel more like yourself. Please keep reading your first post here, perhaps print it out. You have felt so strong before, you know you will feel like this again. Likewise you will probably feel hopeless again. It is like birth..your gonna have to go through it. Lee xoo

new_beginning · ‎22-02-2017

Well i made the call and then was told to ring someone else and then told to ring someone else and now im waiting back for 2 lots of people to get back to me but apparently there is a wait and might take a while. And to top it off i just got a call to say my counselor appointmwnt has been put back coz shes not working.

Had a pretty good start to the day with trying to sort things out and updating and sending off resumes but now its turning to crap again

Jugglin_Strugglin · ‎22-02-2017

That is just awful. Too much red tape and passing the buck. It just shouldn't happen. I'm sorry the system has let you down. I hope you get a call back soon, and that it is worth waiting for.

I know that it feels like an eternity waiting for appts, especially when you are feeling so low, there is no easy solution. Years ago when I was at the bottom of the pit and planning a way out.. I reached out for help, desperate, and the reply was there is a 6 week wait. Unbelievable. It made me feel like I was on my own. I don't know how, but I got through the wait, and then really, I felt so much stronger for it.

I think the system has improved a bit now. Reading on BB, it seems that when you get that low and actually go to a hospital ER, most people are admitted. So it is good to know that help is available immediately that way. It is so frustrating though that when you do take that gargantuan step of reaching out (very rare for me), that you can be fobbed off like that.

At least you can sit back tonight and see that you have achieved something..sorting, updating and sending resumes. Fantastic. What an achievement. Try and think of that, ie 'I'm glad I've done my resume, I am prepared'. Cast your thinking forward (so much better than hindsight) so 'have they received them, who is reading it, perhaps when the ph rings it might be an interview, what would I say, wear 'etc. It might get your mindset in a more positive vibe. Focus on the future. You have lots of possibilities. Although the going will be hard, you are strong and you will get there. You said 'Better days ARE coming'. It should be a mantra.

I hope you day improved when your son got home today. Contentrate on him tonight. Make him feel special, and you can draw back energy from him, and the love you feel for him.

I watch my son when he is asleep. Look at his face, listen to his breathing, recall happy memories. I get such an an overwhelming warm rush of positive emotion, it really is profound. That is unconditional love, I guess. Beautiful. I get so many positive feelings it is impossible not to feel better.

I hope the phone rings soon. Hang in there Honey.

Lee xo

CJs_mum · ‎22-02-2017

hi so sad about the pain you are going through. Ive grieved over a lost one, but as you say, time to move forwards. Dreams will come, playing with emotions and wishes, thoughts. Relay them to your counselor, speak about them here and understand the feelings will come and go, its part of a process to go through - albeit a harrowing, difficult one you just gotta be brave and go through. Find something you enjoy doing, find some positive things and people to focus on. Its soo hard but with good support like your psych, counselor and all on here, you'll get through and do really well I'm sure. One step at a time as the old cliche goes and you will learn to be you and know you are loved. You can do it. You can be what you want in time.
Hugs and all the best.

CJs_mum · ‎22-02-2017

Aye, you're not wrong there. been there meself. My daughters father hasn't seen her for many years now. Sad, but life goes on and she is so loved by so many others, we dont need him. Happily found good people to be with instead.
Focus on your gorgeous little one. Thats all that matters. I hope, truly hope that things become better and you get support through it all.