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I'm ruining my relationship, and I don't know how to stop.

Community Member

My boyfriend and I have been dating for around three weeks, but have been "together" for four months. When I first met him, I was really open with my mental health problems, and he was really comforting and helpful. All he wants is for me to feel better. That's obviously not going to be the case though, seeing as I can find the motivation to seek the help that I need.

We've had uni exams for the past two weeks and we're both under a lot of stress. We agreed that I would go with him to his exams for support, and he would go to mine. Unfortunately, for this past week, whilst he has had two of his exams and an exam-like interview, I've been overwhelmed with depression and anxiety and I haven't been able to keep my end of the deal. This happens regularly.

Last weekend we were meant to go out together to a convention. He was really excited for it, and super happy that we would be going together. Of course, the night before, just as we're going to sleep, I'm hit with a sudden wave of depression. By morning it's so much worse that I can barely get out of bed. I tell him this and it's obvious that I can't go and he refuses to go alone. He's disappointed and upset, but he tries not to blame me. I'm still feeling incredibly guilty for it.

I don't know how to stop myself from being dragged down by these wretched feelings, and to just keep my word and promises to him.

It's tearing me apart, knowing that I should have gone, and if I had just pushed myself a bit, then I could have been there with him. But no matter how much I know what I should and need to do, I just can't muster up the motivation to actually do it.

I want to be there for him, and I want to go out and have fun with him and fulfill our plans and promises.

2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Tizzie,

Welcome to the forum.

I have a similar relationship with my partner. He is laid back and relaxed, never had mental health problems. While I am fairly highly strung plan out everything and suffer from anxiety regularly. I often felt guilty for missing out on stuff that he wanted us to go to together.

It hasn't always been easy, but we have been together for almost 7 years now!

I think one of the key things to remember is that support does not look the same for everyone. My partner supports me by giving me space when I need it. I support him by encouraging him to keep up his extreme sports, and listening to him debrief afterwards (🙄 I find it so boring to listen to someone describe mountain bike riding).

Also, try and let go of the guilt. Its not easy, but if your partner can accept you for all your faults, then you need to try and accept yourself too.

kind thoughts, Jess

Community Member

Hey Jess,

Thank you for your helpful and kind words. It is so incredibly relieving to hear that other people share the concerns I have. It's also really inspiring to hear that you and your partner have been going on 7 years, that sure gives me hope for my partner and I.

I guess knowing that he'll be with me throughout this process of letting go of the guilt, it makes a bit easier to handle, but I know it won't be quick and painless. I really hope our relationship turns out to be as prosperous as yours is. :^)

Thank you for the hope you've given me.

Warm regards,