Hi liv_2377
Must say I believe we're a bit of a mix, we humans. There can be psychological/mental elements to us, physical/chemical/biological elements and even some soulful elements. When all 3 facets are in play at once, it can definitely get pretty intense. For example, when the imagination is in play and we're feeling the chemistry that's produced through our imagination, it can actually feel like a real soulful experience, especially when there's an intense connection with another person (when they trigger our imagination, chemistry and soul to life). Kind of like 'I can feel so much energy running through me when I'm with this person and, with that energy, I FEEL SO ALIVE!'. Sometimes it can be a matter of 'I've never felt this alive before!'. So, with so much mental, physical and soulful energy ramping up, it's so easy to feel this 'tornado' of energy in motion (aka emotion). It's such an incredible feeling.
If there's a challenge in this situation, do you think it could be about bringing your relationship with your partner more to life in a variety of ways? Do you think it could be about the 2 of you beginning to develop and exercise your imagination more? Could it be about the need to develop more excitement and more chemistry at this stage of the relationship? Could it be about feeling the need to go outside the square on occasion? Does it feel like the relationship's not as alive as it could or should be?
Having been married for just over 21 years, what I've found makes or breaks a relationship is the phrase 'That's just not me'. For example, you could say to your partner 'I feel the need for more excitement when it comes to intimacy' or 'I feel the need for more adventure in our relationship'. If your partner says 'I'm happy with the way things are. That's just not me (someone who's interested in evolving at all)', they can be 1)dismissing your feelings/deeply felt needs while 2)serving themself with what always feels comfortable for them. Not talking about super intense changes, like suddenly joining a swingers club or backpacking across the Himalayas, just simple yet exciting changes here and there along the way. At the end of the day, I believe we need someone to evolve with, otherwise our partner can continue walking the same path as we begin to veer off in different directions that tend to bring us more to life. It's then that we can begin to feel the separation.
A flat out refusal from your partner, when it comes to tweaking certain facets of the relationship you share, might be something that helps make the way forward a bit clearer. Btw, always pays to gain a good reason for someone's lack of interest in changing, for there's a big difference between them needing to play it safe (out of fear, for whatever reason) and them having no interest whatsoever in our needs. Helping someone leave their comfort zone (gradually learning how to trigger their imagination) can be a challenging yet exciting and new part of the relationship.
