I'm all alone

Always___Never · ‎06-01-2017

I live with my xpartner & our 2 children, who have learning difficulties & ADHD,

I suffer from anxiety & panic attacks,

my life has been a nightmare,

we broke up around 2 years ago, after 12 years of being together, due to he's bad anger problems, him playing mind games with me & being a compulsive liar. Ect.

Firstly this is how the last two years have been,

-he paid a guy a lot of money to get a lot of people to follow & watch my every move. - he gave the guy my photo & my personalised number plates, and told them if they can catch me with anyone, they'll get a lot of money.

I found out he'd paid them $1,000 at first because of a bank statement I'd seen ) he admitted paying them 2,000.

-he had put a gps on my car, monitored my phone, had listening device within the home,had a camera in my bathroom,

Made the only friend I had, not be my friend anymore,as every time we were out she was seeing people follow & watch me

For the last 2 years this has happened to me,

last year i got a restraining order by the courts for him not to have me located and followed, but they allowed him to stay within the home,

He always tells me he has stopped, but they must be still doing it, he also tells me if he didn't care he wouldn't be here, and he loves me,

He tells me, I'm beautiful, and it upsets him not being with me,

then he'll tell me I'm a waist of talent,, I'm mental, I'll never be well off & he will be

I'm so alone, confused & scared in life, I am now suffering from bad anxiety, and am having the worst thoughts now,

i have no one to talk to, & just need friendly advice

geoff · ‎06-01-2017

hello, it's no wonder you suffer from anxiety and have panic attacks, I'm sure you are no different if this happened to other people, your ex-partner has a jealousy problem, plus he can never be trusted in what he does or what he says, and now everything he does is a criminal offence, by having a camera in your bathroom to start off with, plus all the other atrocities, and now you have a restraining order on him then he has broken every rule in the book.
Take photos of everything the camera, the listening device, the GPS and anything else, take this to your lawyer plus the police, by doing this all of this he should be in gaol.
This guy doesn't love you all he wants to do is control everything you do, and if there is something he hates then his anger will come to the surface.
Get this fellow as far away from you as you can, then you can feel comfortable being confident to live your own life. Geoff.x

Always___Never · ‎06-01-2017

Thank you Geoff,

for your kind words.

The problem is, and he knows it, I'm a weak person in life.and with no family or friends to help.

the restraining order ended in October last year, although he does have to attend another court hearing for demostic Voilence within the home.

However I did go to the police & they took a statement off me, and told him he's in trouble if he did all that,

but he knew stalking is a criminal offence, and jail time, so he said to the police officer that he had only done it a few times and that was before the restraining order had taken place, he told them it had stopped along time ago, and that I was just seeing things,

the police officer Made me get a mental health check which they told me to never come back as nothing was wrong with me.( seeing people & things) they believed me.

so the police officer left it at that, & he gets away with it.

- I only heard the gps in the car,because I was sitting in the car for awhile and heard a clicking sound comming from where the dashboard is,

-its so hard for me to find it. I just couldn't find it.

- the same with the camera in the bathroom, I asked him, and I started stressing about it, but he had them removed it, but I only got to take photos of where it was because of the sticker mark. A build up of Dust was everywhere on the fan but not where the device had been.

For the hole of last year I've not gone back to the police station because of the police officer.

I just can't understand that the people that agreed to follow me, and didn't go to the police to report him,

deep down they should have known it was wrong and reported him.

I find it hard doing and thinking what to do and all on my own

I will get there though

I just live one day at a time

pipsy · ‎06-01-2017

Hi Always & Never. I have just read your post and wondering if you managed to see a lawyer about this. Stalking is illegal and you have the right to be protected in your own home. I suggest you show the photo's to a lawyer and tell him/her about your problems with the police. Guys like your ex need to be shown that they have no right to terrorize anyone. You should be entitled to legal aid if you see a lawyer, plus if you are able to have him charged, he will have to pay compensation for harassment. If you can phone around, some lawyers allow 20 minutes free for advice. You could also try the Citizens Advice bureau, they do have a legal adviser available. Perhaps you could also ask an auto-electrician/mechanic if he can locate the gps for you, send your ex the bill for the service. I also suggest you see a Dr for an assessment on your mental health.

Lynda

Always___Never · ‎07-01-2017

Thank you pipsy ( Linda )

i have done a mental health assessment and got the all clear.. ( earlier last year )

but u know what your saying. I obviously need to see the gp, and be back on anxiety medication & I know I am defenatly have bad anxiety and suffer really bad panic attacks and am depressed over what's happened,

Which In seeing a gp will do wonders for me,

I just have to take every day at a time,

but I will

happilyeverafter · ‎08-01-2017

Hi Always and Never. I too have been in a relationship with a controlling person, although not as extreme, it was still hard. I agree with Geoff in that you need to get yourself and your children out of there! In my situation, I found that living in that sort of environment was causing extreme anxiety and as soon as I had the strength to say 'enough is enough' and he left, I have felt so much calmer. What he's doing isn't right. Take the control back (easier said than done) and make the move. It's scary and will be really hard, but it will make for a better life for you and the kids in the long run. Perhaps if you see the local police station, they will be able to direct you to somewhere that can provide assistance in your difficult situation? There is help available, you just need to know where to look.

My thoughts go out to you

Always___Never · ‎09-01-2017

Hi there happlyeverafte,

i do so agree with you, I know I must do something and get away.

but it's very hard being in my shoes, and easier said than done,

I can honestly say, when it first started happening I did ( and it was so hard for me to do ) but went to the police & then to court....I finally got a restraing order for him not to locate & not to get people to watch, harass & intimidate me,( it falls under stalking ) & not to do a lot of domestic voilence at home, but that just didn't work,

When I went back to the local police station, they called him and ( but him Being a compulsive payhalogical liar, and watches out for himself only ) he denied still doing it and told them he had stopped,

So when the police officer rang me and didn't follow through what I had told them and believed him that he stopped, I thought " what's the use " in going back.

I don't think it was fair that the police, didn't at least follow it through as he had admitted to it at the start then denied it, because of getting into trouble .

And I don't think the people who he's got to check if I'm there or what I'm doing, auchally know, it's a crime to do what their doing and how much it has destroyed my confidence in myself

vic

happilyeverafter · ‎09-01-2017

Always & Never, I am concerned for you that you are still living under the same roof as this man. Is that still the case? Walking on eggshells all the time and feeling anxious and upset in your own home is really taxing on your mental state, and to be honest, would be having an effect on the children even if they don't witness anything. I think you will feel a whole lot better once you get out of there. I know it's hard, but I hope you can find the strength and help that you need. I suggested the police as an example, not about his behavior, but to assist you in finding a way to get out of there and in safer accommodation more easily.

pipsy · ‎09-01-2017

Hi A & N. This guy sounds narcissistic where he can twist things to make it appear that he hasn't done anything. Usually pathological liars don't go to quite the extreme your ex has. Your ex has been getting away with this for 12 years, he has such a strong powerful hold over you, getting away is difficult, but not impossible. Contact your local police liaison officer. Explain you are a solo mother with two kids who is being harassed and victimized by your ex. Ask the liaison officer about a women's refuge as your kids and you are in danger. You are in a domestic violence situation, emotional violence is still classed as domestic violence, the police will be more inclined to assist you if you explain it is a domestic violence situation, rather than trying to explain the harassment you've had to deal with. If he was constantly phoning and abusing you, this would be classed as just frustrating and annoying and you would've been advised to change your phone number. Finding the tracking device could take time and you have not had this. Once you have found a haven, ask the police to help you find the device. Leaving the house is your first important step in getting help and starting a new life. I agree leaving the house will be a 'pull', but only because of the withdrawal side of it. Happy memories are not part of the house.

Lynda

winterskin · ‎18-01-2017

Hi Always & Never.

First off, has anyone told you how resilient you are?

You are a strong person. Many others would have crumbled by this point, having the perpetrator of such insidious behaviour still living in their space.

You are doing well. And your intuition to open up and reach out here is also a good thing. You are now proactively looking for avenues in which to help yourself out of this crap environment. You deserve better. Don't doubt that for a millisecond.

I don't know you, but I feel for you. One of the posts I read in response said that you just need to to look in the right places.

My father was the same long ago. One day my mum just smuggled us out of school and into a women's shelter. The future was extremely uncertain and she was scared as hell, but she finally just DID IT.

Here in Melbourne, there is an organisation called WIRE (Women's Information & Referral Exchange). They are renowned for assisting women in the situation you are in; If you are in another state, you could email them and enquire as to whether they may know of similar organisations in your state.

Follow your heart.

Peace to you..