I love her too much

[Beebeebee]

I am in a relationship for 5 yrs. We love each other very much, she is my best friend and vice versa. At first when i met her she has low self esteem but i managed to boost her confidence. She is one hell of a happy lady i ever met. Just last year i got a job and i had to relocate eventho she was hurting she supported me through it and she was so happy for me that i got a job of my dream. At the early stage of my relocation things were going on well. Until last August we had our very first argument and i literally texted her let quit. And for the very first time in our 5 yrs we didnt call or text each other and that lasted for 6 days. When i finally did all she said was why did i take so long to call. I realised that i didnt treat her well so i quickly got a transfer back to her. But things werent the same since that day. She completely shut down, she isolated her self, tge sight of me irritates her, she doesnt eat but gained weight. She told me she lost feelings for me. Nothing excited her any more. She said she is unhappy and something inside her is broken. We do text everyday but she refuse to hang with me or see me. I asked her if she wanted to see a counsellor, she told me shell think about it and let me knoe if she is ready to open up to a stranger. Since yesterday she hadnt reply my text i called her once she didnt pick up. I need your help. I dnt want to loose her. The only person she hangs out with now is my sister but she is out of the country. I want to help her, her unhappiness is killing me. I just want her to be alright. I know if she is alright things would come back to normal.

[White_Rose]

I think it's great you are still offering support to your GF. Are you happy with two texts a day? I wonder if it feels too much for GF but on the other hand she is replying I gather, so this may be OK.

Let things go at their own pace for a while. She may need time to process all that has happened. I know some people can process 'stuff' quite quickly but it takes me ages. I need to work out how this fits in with that and are they OK for me.

Stepping back a little and being patient may be helpful for her. It may also be a good idea to decide, or at least think about, how you will go if the GF decides to leave. I know this is confusing and sad for you when you started with high expectations of your life together.

Keep talking.

Mary

[Beebeebee]

Thanks once again.

Do you think I should stop texting her ? Is it possible she might be suffering from deression? Its just sad all my plans for her wouldnt come true. I wish we could text more. On the 1st of January she wished me happy new year exactly 12midnight and it was something she cherishes, she always want to be the first to wish me happy new year and birthdays. We met later on had a breif of small talks and that was it. So i thought things are getting better but she just went back isolation. I aksed him to call me and she did call me but things are just the same. So it is just so confusing and its not healthy for me. When i try to talk to her about the relationship she doesnt want to talk about it. She said ee keep saying the same things and she told me there is something broken in her and she doesnt feel the same. I am scared if i stop talking to her she might totally forget about me and that would end this beautiful frienship we share. It took me 10 years to get into another relationship as beautiful as this. After i have moved on my ex came back knocking by then it was too late.

[White_Rose]

Hello Beebeebee

I am reluctant to give you suggestions that may be disastrous for either of you. That said, if she is willing to keep in contact with you that way then continue. Perhaps your GF is worried she may make a decision and then realise it was the wrong one, the same as your previous relationship.

You could ask her if she is comfortable texting to you. In the meantime it would be helpful to you to continue with your usual activities. I think you are doing this and I hope it provides a balance in your life at this time. I understand your concern but it really is up to her. If you know any of her family members well enough, then you could talk to them about your concerns. Or perhaps any of your mutual friends. Short of dragging her to the doctor by force, which is not recommended, I think the ball is in her court for now.

If you are content to have a texting conversation/relationship and keep in touch that way it may give her a someone to trust. You also need to consider what you want to do? Would you like to return to your previous job? These are the options you need to think about. It's all very well to say you care but you really cannot do much except give her an anchor of sorts. And you can do that wherever you are.

So I suggest you look after your life for the time being and allow the GF to make her decision. Not the most comfortable of situations but this may be the only option.

Mary

[Beebeebee]

Thanks very much. I really appreciate it. I guess as it stands now there is nothing I can do. I would just continue to live my life and if things turn out good so be it. If it doesnt life still goes on. Thanks for your support and would be in touch if there is an update. 😄