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Unrequited love with complications

YarniMarni
Community Member

This problem is engulfing my life right now and causing me enormous amounts of anxiety and intense sadness. I've been looking for somewhere or someone I can talk to so am now trying here.

I'm in love with one of my best friends. I'm 99% sure she is not at all interested in being more than friends. This is a very common problem but that doesn't make the pain less real. It is a roller-coaster ride where spending time with her is euporhic, time apart is painful, and hearing about her with other guys is soul crushing.

I don't feel like I can talk to her about because a) I don't want to destroy our friendship and b) bottom line I want her to have what she wants above all else, and as far as I can tell what she wants is for things to stay the same. I am not entitled to her affection.

Her and I are both part of a small and close-knit group of friends, and I feel if I reveal my feelings and how much pain it causes me to any of them, the awkwardness of further interactions is going to destroy our group which is the last thing I want. So here I am in constant pain with no one to talk to and nothing to do about it.

4 Replies 4

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi YarniMarni, yes it does sound as though you are definitely in love, it's a great feeling but can be quite awkward, because sometimes they just want to be friends, however friendship can lead onto love, it's just a waiting game.

How many times does this occur, well possibly in all groups that hang out together, and it was no different to me with the girl I married.

If the group is close then you have to know whether she can keeps secrets and if so then perhaps talk to her, because you have said that she wants to keep things as they are, but actually she might be just as embarrassed as you are and wants a r/ship.

From what else you have said is that you maybe suffering from some form of depression, so I would suggest that you seek some help from someone you trust or your doctor to start off with because this will give you the confidence you need to speak to her by yourself. Geoff.

Jessicatherese94
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
HI YarniMarni, it's really hard when you have feelings for someone and it's not reciprocated. Are you 100% sure that she doesn't feel the same way? You could always tell her how you feel, but I understand that because you're in the same friendship group you might have something to lose by doing so. If it were me I'd try and think really logically about it and I know it's so hard, but perhaps accepting that this person isn't right for you may be a start. I've had unrequited feelings in the past too and sometimes the best way to think about it is that in the end, you want to be with someone who wants to be with you just as much. That person is out there for you even if it's not this girl, I promise!

Thank you for the responses. It seems the consensus is tell her but I'm still extremely unsure, I'm thinking maybe I'll first tell one of my other friends from our group whom I do feel I could trust to keep a secret, as I've done similar when he's confided in me before.

Unfortunately though, this situation has become even more complicated in the last 24 hours as last night a different girl asked me out. This is making me extremely anxious and unsure, I had a terrible sleep last night because of it. On one hand it seems like a potential opportunity to try and move on, but on the other hand I think it is extremely disrespectful to this girl to start seeing her when I'm so clearly and deeply in love with someone else.

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Yarni,

This is a complex problem and I am sure many here can relate. It does not matter what age you are it hurts.

I was middle aged when I met a man and we became good friends but I always thought it would lead to something more and he always told me to be patient and he needed time. One day I told him how I felt and he said he was not in any way interested .I was very upset as he had led me to believe we would day be more than friends.

The good thing was I knew where I stood and eventually moved on and met a wonderful partner.

I am sure this is a different situation , but I think if you find out that 100% you will never be more than friends you won't have any doubts and can decide what to do.

I think it is great you care about the feelings of a prospective friend .

Quirky