Three weeks ago, I had a miscarriage. It was an extremely traumatic incident where I was rushed to hospital unto surgery, given blood... it's a long story, and one where I could have died. So on top of losing a baby, I'm also dealing with the trauma of that situation.
I didnt tell my parents I was pregnant, ut of fear of them being angry and disappointed. I'm 30 mind you. But my mum had heard I'd been rushed to hospital so called concerned so I told her. And she told me I'm just as important as my sisters. I should talk to them. And then proceeded to lecture me on getting pregnant. Because that's what I need when I am doing my best to get through a miscarriage. Lately I've just felt like I can't talk to anyone in my family, so I've distanced myself, and its all I can think about, and maybe I'm overthinking, but I feel alone, and it hurts. I tried to talk to my mum again today, told her I am miserable and have a lot going on, and she asked what I could possible have going on and I just stared at her. My sisters have a lot going on in their own lives, im understanding and I check on with them regularly to make sure they are ok, or to see if they need anything. My younger sister is pregnant, had some complications two weeks ago thankfully all good, and my older sister is currently doing IVF. so they've got there own stuff, and I'm there for them, anytime. And my parents are there for them. And. No one is there for me. (Except for my partner and he is amazing) but I feel like I need someone else to talk to, I just want someone to talk to. Someone to listen. Someone to understand. And to care. And to feel for me. Instead of judging me, and making me feel like a disappointment and a failure, just because I'm living my life a different way, or because things are going to their plans. I am heartbroken. Because pregnancy should be such an exciting time. And my family can't even be happy for me. Just in the announcement itself. I have two kids and both times felt like I was confession more then announcing. Sadly this time couldn't be an announcement either. But even if it were, it would have been met with the same reactions. Criticism. Judgement. Why? Why can't my family be happy for me? Why can't my family support me? The way they do my siblings? Why don't they get me, or accept me? For who I am. Why am I not allowed that same support, that same level of happiness over big things? I just need someone to talk to, no one understands me.
